GOBBLER’S KNOB, Commonwealth of Pennsylvania -- Notable meteorological groundhog Punxsutawney Phil made good on his agreement with arch-climatologist Ebenezer Gordon yesterday and extended winter by another six weeks. Phil saw his shadow as he came out of his burrow and sealed the chilly fate of the planet.
Gordon is believed to have bribed Phil in early 2005 and entered into a five-year agreement to extend winter. Although, Phil delivered in both 2005 and 2006, Kahuna is suspected to have confounded plans in 2007 by concocting inclement weather conditions at the crucial moment.
Speaking to KNN, Kahuna said that Phil's latest action was "regrettable" and vowed to counter Gordon's Global Cooling initiative by any means necessary.
You've stumbled upon the Circus. Here be dragons. No, wait. Here be large clowns including Kahuna, St Vandoofus, Professor Gordon, Darth Teddy, Bartus Maximus, the Baron and Baroness, the Monster, Timmy, the Cookie Monster, Fluke, Huggles, Her Royal Highness, the Cheese Justice, the Admiral and the Genie. These are works of utter buffoonery punctuated by digital photography. If the Surgeon General hasn't already cautioned of the dangers of excessive laughter, there's not a moment to loose!
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