Baloo

Baloo (Copyright (cc) B Kahuna 2009) 

COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- A figurine of Baloo, from Disney's adaptation of The Jungle Book, about to lob a coconut from his perch atop Kahuna's Knee during a birthday celebration.

Captured on 27^th June 2009 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 50mm 1:1.8 II) on aperture priority (f/1.8) at ISO 200 with bounced flash. Retouched to remove blemishes and adjusted for tone and saturation in Picasa. 

The Kahuna-Gordon Messages: Part 26 - A Query Too Far

ALAMOGORDO, New Mexico -- About one year ago, Professor Gordon provoked an altercation with Kahuna over highly non-standard usage of Structured Query Language (SQL). Gordon's requirement was no mere convoluted outer-join, but the sort of relational hocus-pocus that might have rattled even the late E. F. Codd. Naturally, buffoonery followed:

Gordon (G): Can you do a bitwise-AND across rows in SQL?
Kahuna (K): Eh? WTF for? X-(
G: To derive system permissions.
K: Hmmm, I don't know if your platform can do this. You might need to write a stored procedure.
K: This is quite an unorthodox requirement; I suggest a meeting with the Patriarch for spiritual guidance.
G: I will cursor you if you don't watch it.
K: I will invert your B-tree.
G: I will trigger your end.
K: And I will end your process.
G: I will drop a table on you.
K: If you can figure out the SQL.
G: No one will be able to trace you once I'm finished with you.
K: With your defective execution plan?
G: Nonsense, I'm quite optimized thank you.
K: There's a good chance you'll fumble and drop that table on your big toe.

Kahuna's proposal for intervention by the Patriarch of the Orthodox Church was not well received by Gordon, a known dabbler in the insufficiently lit arts.

Follow-up reports from the arch-zoologist's lair seemed to suggest that Gordon had implemented his nefarious SELECT statements using relationally-suspicious database technology spawned in the darkness of Redmond. This news is understood to have been met with considerable annoyance by Kahuna, who views Gordon as an affront to the known normal forms.

No data was duplicated during this production, although Gordon refuses to be dependent on his primary key.

King Louie

 
King Louie (Copyright (cc) 2009 B Kahuna) 

COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- A figurine of King Louie, from Disney's adaptation of The Jungle Book, rests on Kahuna's Knee during a birthday celebration.

Captured on 27^th June 2009 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 50mm 1:1.8 II) on shutter priority (1/80^th of a second) at ISO 200 with bounced flash.