Glaring Leopard

 
Glaring Leopard (Copyright (cc) 2009 B Kahuna)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- A Sri Lankan Leopard (Panthera pardus kotiya) glares disapprovingly at cameras as it walks past a jeep full of photographers.

Captured on August 29^th 2009 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III and Kenko 2X Teleplus Pro 300 teleconverter) on aperture priority (f/4.0) and ISO 800, manually focused.

Post-processed to fine-tune color and saturation. 

The Hand of Fluke

The Hand of Fluke (Copyright © 2009 B Kahuna) 

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- The hand of Fluke, sporting arcane ink, grabs onto the side rail during a bumpy jeep ride in the Yala National Park.

Captured on 27^th August 2009 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 50mm 1:1.8 II) on aperture priority (f/1.8) and a resulting exposure of 1/500^th of a second. Image straightened in Picasa. 

Stalking Heron, Hidden Buffalo

Stalking Heron, Hidden Buffalo (Copyright (cc) 2009 B Kahuna) 

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- A grey heron (Ardea cinerea) makes itself an observation deck on the back of an almost completely submerged water buffalo (Bubalus bubalis spp.) at the Yala National Park.

Captured on 21^st June 2009 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III and Kenko 2X Teleplus Pro 300 teleconverter) on aperture priority (f/5.6) and ISO 800, manually focused. The enhanced contrast was achieved by setting the Picture Style to Clear. The lens was zoomed at 300mm giving an effective focal length of 600mm. This would be equivalent to 960mm in a 35mm camera due to the 1.6X field of view crop on the 30D. 

Daybreak

Daybreak (Copyright (cc) 2009 B Kahuna) 

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- The light of daybreak floods the eastern sky an instant before sunrise at the Yala National Park.

Captured on Sunday, 21^st June 2009 at 5:51:52 am with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 50mm 1:1.8 II) on aperture priority (f/1.8) and a resulting exposure of 1/500^th of a second. Sunrise on that day was at 5:52 am. 

Unquotable Quotes - Part 40

You're in the wrong hemisphere.

— Kahuna, attempting to impose hemispherical restrictions after discovering Vandoofus in Singapore.

I will be in any of the hemispheres I want to be in.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, unilaterally declaring hemispherical independence.

It will be only a matter of time before she's dreaming of capacitors and diodes.

— Kahuna, issuing a warning after learning that Gordon's daughter was dreaming of flowers and butterflies.

I still dream of the day I kick your ass wearing Stanley work boots.

— Gordon, reaffirming his commitment to a future rearguard action against Kahuna.

A well-placed act of percussion to the rear of your immediate line manager is in order.

— Kahuna's Rearguard Solution to Darth Teddy's Somnolent Management Problem.

I am trying figure out a way to meet her without getting hugged.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, plotting to meet Her Royal Highness while avoiding Huggles.

I cheated on Circus.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, admitting to posting on another blog.

I should sue for blog support.

— Kahuna to Vandoofus, taking a litigious view of the situation.

I will arrange a trip to the rim of Kīlauea.

— Gordon, making plans for the incumbent as part of his bid for Governor of Hawaii.

The bed was nice and strong; didn't creek.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, writing a hotel review after a night of rigorous evaluation.

It was meant to be like the rain, but it drenched the whole bathroom.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, deducting points for the rain shower that turned out to be more of a tropical cyclone.

You will agree that most are not required for the normal operation of the planet.

— Kahuna to Gordon, declaring members of parliament to be extraneous and superfluous.

If we fall below our greenhouse gas output, I'm sure Gordon Zoos can supply some water buffaloes.

— Kahuna to Gordon, outlining his contingency plan for parliament.

Stop jerking off and add.

— Vandoofus, expressing irritation with Kahuna taking His own time to add a contact to Skype.

And type with one hand?

— Kahuna to Vandoofus, not helping matters.

What, they'll invade us again?

— Gordon to Kahuna, reacting to pompous British foreign policy in the extraordinarily bogus Miliband wavelength.

Now, about that cactus I wanted delivered to one Karunanidi; I'd like it upsized please.

— Kahuna to Gordon, selecting gifts for candidates in the aftermath of the General Election of India.

You will arrange for hoo packets to be sent to Jayalalita.

— Gordon, instructing Kahuna to send appropriately encapsulated catcalls after the General Election of India.

I would rather send a large porcupine, in heat.

— Kahuna to Gordon, proposing a pricklier alternative.

I don't remember you filing for permission to secede from the the Union.

— Kahuna, learning of Vandoofus accessing Scrabble Worldwide from his New York lair despite the best efforts of Mattel, Inc.^[1]

Klingon swear words will be useful and I believe Obi-Wan's Discount Lightsabre Emporium is running some promotions these days.

— Kahuna, advising Gordon to equip himself for a meeting.

I can think of a substitute.

— Vandoofus, learning that Kahuna had run out of mayonnaise.

Does the Ballmer know about the Linux server hidden in your coat closet?

— Kahuna, attempting to raise tensions between Gordon and Redmond.

It's not hidden; it's in plain sight.

— Gordon, in his own defense.

This is blatant animal abuse.

— Gordon, responding to an eel being lobbed by Kahuna.

Nonsense, you're not a threatened species.

— Kahuna, in his own defense.

Well it could be worse: they could clone Karunanidhi and his son Stalin.

— Kahuna to the Monster, on a buffalo being recently cloned in India.

You got me going in a tangent; I am watching crosswind landings now.

— Vandoofus, taking issue with Kahuna for showing the extremely precarious final approach to Princess Juliana International Airport on the Island area of Sint Maarten.

You weren't exactly straight to start with.

— Kahuna, in his own defense.

I hope you both get headbutted by a wild goat.

— Vandoofus, learning of Kahuna and the Baron plotting a trip to the Yala National Park.

A buffoon elephant denied me access to my chalet after returning to the hotel.

— Kahuna to Gordon, reporting of a blockade mounted by an autonomous pachyderm at the Yala Village.

Some form of counter-balance?

— Kahuna, discovering that the Monster had accumulated mass to match Gordon's.

It's terrible being so attractive.

— Vandoofus's Personal Magnetism Conundrum.

I can beat you up if that would help.

— Kahuna's Repulsive Solution to Vandoofus's Personal Magnetism Conundrum.

It was your porn stash.

— Gordon to Kahuna, revealing the hitherto unknown projectile he used to cause the Jupiter impact event in July 2009.

The calorific value of Anna Nicole Smith's Semi-Autonomous Boob Subsystem would be quite high.

— Kahuna to Gordon, conceding that the material in question could indeed have been highly explosive.

Your continued inability to deal with this clown has lead to serious consequences for the eardrums of innocent bystanders.

— Kahuna, expressing grave dissatisfaction with Gordon's Bartus Maximus Policy.

All I can say is it looks like Pac-Man.

— Vandoofus, on being shown the VM/370 welcome screen on Kahuna's mainframe.

I do anything and anyone.

— Vandoofus's Principle of Non-Discriminatory Humping.

I dare you to do a porcupine or a hedgehog.

— Kahuna's Hedgehog Snag to Vandoofus's Principle of Non-Discriminatory Humping^[2].

Teddy prefers to be gone down on, not go down himself.

— Darth Teddy's Teddycentric Theory of Fellation.

^[1] Featured in The Kahuna-Vandoofus Dialogs: Part 2 - The Scrabble Insurrection.

^[2] Based on the rather bawdy Hedgehog Song, often sung while inebriated by Nanny Ogg, in Terry Pratchett's Discworld universe.

The Leopard's Whiskers

 
The Leopard's Whiskers (Copyright (cc) 2008 B Kahuna)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- A Sri Lankan Leopard (Panthera pardus kotiya) stalks an unseen prey while flaunting its whiskers.

Captured on 23^rd August 2008 using a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III and Kenko 2X Teleplus Pro 300 teleconverter) on aperture priority (f/5.6) and ISO 1600. The lens was zoomed at 250mm giving an effective focal length of 500mm. This would be equivalent to 800mm in a 35mm camera due to the 1.6X field of view crop on the 30D.

Post-processed to fine-tune color and saturation. 

The Stag

 

 

 
The Stag (Copyright (cc) 2008 B Kahuna)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- A Sri Lankan Spotted Deer (Axis axis ceylonensis) stag peeks curiously out of the undergrowth and then poses for our cameras.

Captured on August 22^nd 2008 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III) on aperture priority (f/5.6) and ISO 400. The last two photographs were taken with the Picture Style to Clear. 

The Stalk

The Stalker (Copyright (cc) D Teddy 2008)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- A Leopard stalking its prey while we observed quietly in the background.

Captured on 23^rd August 2008 using a Canon EOS 400D (EF-S 55-250mm 1:4-5.6 III) on aperture priority (f/5.6) and ISO 400. The focal length was set to 250mm and the colour was achieved by setting the Picture Style to Sepia. 

The Tusker

The Tusker (Copyright (cc) B Kahuna 2008)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- A tusker (Elephas maximus) found in a clearing turns to look at our jeep before continuing on its way.

Captured on 23^rd August 2008 using a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III) on aperture priority (f/4.0) and ISO 1600. The focal length was set to 75mm and the enhanced contrast was achieved by setting the Picture Style to Clear. 

Unquotable Quotes - Part 34

I think Cleopatra was the best.

— Gordon to Kahuna, having sampled forbidden fruit in the absence of Caesar.

Your darthworthiness has been questioned.

— Kahuna, challenging Darth Teddy's credentials after leaking sensitive information about goings-on in Brighton to Fluke.

Bah, the look on your face as you held the rubbers in one hand and the vibrator in the other, like some multi-armed deity, in front of your roommates, is way off the scale.

— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, disclosing sordid snippets from the Brighton Files.

How many pics of the pussy did you take?

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, making highly inappropriate references to members of the genus Panthera.

It was a male leopard; it had the balls to prove it.

— Kahuna to Vandoofus, setting the record straight.

Please send more dodgy pictures.

— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, seeking more incriminating evidence of senior management frolicking in the Yala.

How do you people come up with this buffoonery?

— Fluke to Darth Teddy, seeking to understand the nature of the Farce.

We're clowns.

— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, explaining the nature of the Farce for the benefit of Fluke.

Perhaps I will poke him; it is a great honor to be poked by Kahuna.

— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, proposing to prod Fluke on Facebook.

Who the fuck is Fluke?

— Gordon, in his debut performance of Living Next Door to Fluke.

Would you like to have your posterior pummeled?

— Kahuna, inviting Darth Teddy to a game of Scrabble.

You've indicated that we've lived together.

— Kahuna, taking a dim view of the Baroness's dubious disclosures on Facebook.

Yep, let's create a scandal.

— The Baroness, refusing to let sleeping dogs lie.

Does the Baron know about this illicit relationship we've had?

— Kahuna to the Baroness, seeking safe conducts.

I will have you idiots sealed if you don't watch it.

— Gordon to Kahuna, expressing great displeasure at the respective seals of Kahuna and Darth Teddy.

My brother-in-law just threw an imaginary hippo at me.

— The Baroness, announcing the discovery of the Hippopotamus notional spp.

Certain individuals who shall remain nameless purchased five pairs of shoes by Imelda Marcos.

— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, describing a harrowing escape from the Takashimaya with Huggles, duly confounded by Her Royal Highness.

Will you be lobbying for a ban on underwear?

— Kahuna, questioning Darth Teddy's stand on the semper ubi sub ubi policy.

I will be confiscating them.

— Darth Teddy, revealing plans for his summer collection.

I'm going to slap you at the earliest available instance.

— Kahuna's Percussive Solution to the Boisterous Teddy Problem.

Your life would be boring without me.

— Darth Teddy's Tedious Kahuna Hypothesis.

I agree wholeheartedly; let us begin by ceremonially throwing a sheep at his offending posterior.

— Bartus Maximus to Kahuna, agreeing to a rearguard action on Gordon for failure to join Facebook.

I forgot to lock the croc before heading out.

— Gordon to Kahuna, pleading mea culpa to an alligator being found in the Chattahoochee River in Atlanta.

You're attempting to deploy a navy of lake monsters to terrorize the public.

— Kahuna, accusing Gordon of submarine warfare.

I'll have you whacked with a truckload of kimbula banis^[1] if you don't watch it.

— Gordon, proposing to silence Kahuna by means of amphibious baguettes.

Your personal bogosity must have caused an ass-to-cloud discharge.

— Kahuna, speculating that a backfired lightning strike may have led to the untimely demise of Gordon's broadband router.

At this rate, I'll need galvanic isolation.

— Kahuna to Gordon, expressing irritation at frequent brownouts courtesy of the Ceylon 'Electricity' Board.

I can put you in a Faraday cage if you like.

— Gordon, proposing an extreme solution to isolate Kahuna.

Convert all the exit signs to simplified Chinese and they will die within the building.

— Kahuna to Gordon, offering a viable double-byte solution to clueless management.

Send them to me for Architecture 101; I will confiscate their laptops and give them paper and pencil.

— Kahuna to Gordon, proposing radical laptopectomy on pointy-haired types.

We might have a few fatalities on the first day due to blood loss from improper use of a pencil, not to mention paper cuts.

— Kahuna to Gordon, setting expectations for Architecture 101.

At the next meeting use a samurai sword as a pointing device.

— Kahuna to Gordon, proposing a cutting-edge solution to clueless management.

Would this mean that I can call upon the great Kahuna whenever Darth Teddy rears his not so cuddly face?

— Fluke's Prickly Teddy Proposition.

^[1] For those unfamiliar with the vernacular, kimbula means crocodile and a kimbula banis is an elongated, crocodile-shaped bun coated with sugar.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 32

Your face probably scared the mailer daemon.

— Kahuna to the Baroness, on why her photograph was not delivered by email.

I have always been intrigued with the correlation between scanning cats and one's own illness.

— Kahuna to Gordon, on Computed Axial Tomography.

Apparently the monkeys have already started putting up banners to welcome you back.

— The Baroness to Kahuna, on a proposed expedition to the Yala.

It is the first time that I've seen a groom with hair longer than the bride's.

— Gordon to Kahuna, taking a dim view of the Hobbit's hairdo at his nuptials.

I spilt orange juice on the laptop; it's fried.

— Gordon to Kahuna, declaring sinister deeds with a little help from his offspring.

I suggest you get one of those spill-proof baby bottles for yourself.

— Kahuna, taking Gordon to task for causing a flood.

The keyboard on this thing seems to be made with chewing gum: it requires about 10 kPa to trigger a key.

— Gordon to Kahuna, bellyaching about his replacement laptop.

And the Seagate drive is as noisy as a squirrel on a tin roof.

— Gordon to Kahuna, dismissing the decibel as the preferred unit of measure for hard drive acoustics.

I casually mentioned that I was a university lecturer in IT and she toned it down.

— Gordon to Kahuna, admitting that he threw his considerable weight about to silence a luser.

We speak only Australian.

— Huggles to Kahuna, declaring an Australian-only policy.

Palayang ado.

— Kahuna, resorting to the native language to suggest that Huggles should stick his policy down under.

I have fetishes you wouldn't even dream of.

— Huggles to Kahuna, admitting his penchant for obsessions.

I have to recalibrate the Tomahawk.

— Gordon, on his pressing need for Kahuna's current location.

Application of Vaseline would have severely impacted the diffraction grating.

— Kahuna, learning that Gordon's offspring had manifested with a DVD-R and a tub of Vaseline.

Your daughter may be attempting to destroy a second laptop with a well-greased DVD-R.

— Kahuna, cautioning Gordon of weapons of mass diffraction.

She is attempting to override her ACL for objects on the table.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on his offspring's efforts to access his tablespace and engineer a second flood.

She didn't take too well to the 403 error and has left.

— Gordon to Kahuna, noting the result of revoking tablespace privileges.

She is currently transmitting wail packets on the broadcast address.

— Gordon to Kahuna, reporting further consequences of his actions.

C9 27 55 2A A7 30 B1 30 89 99 D5 0F 51 0A AA 98.

— Kahuna, laying claim to his own 128-bit integer after the AACS encryption key controversy.

Your emotions are not parsed by this channel; you will switch to approved channels.

— Gordon, taking Kahuna to task for expressing an unsupported emotion [ =)) ] on MSN Messenger.

It seems that lawrencium has no known uses, just like you.

— Kahuna, taking an elementary jab at Vandoofus.

It has a half-life of 216 minutes: just like you, if I get my hands on you.

— Vandoofus, resorting to radioactive decay to deal with Kahuna.

They take being "The World's Local Bank" very seriously; in this part of the world, it appears to be the bullock cart.

— Kahuna to Gordon, on HSBC taking two weeks to deliver a security token.

Clowns build faster processors and Microsoft builds slower software; thus is equilibrium attained.

— Kahuna's Balance of Molasses.

I am mucking about with the Seven Cores, the RSX and the Holy SIXAXIS.

— Gordon to Kahuna, swearing by a most unholy trinity.

My august personage shall stand no besmirching by thy vile lies, varlet!

— Bartus Maximus to Kahuna, redeeming his role as the Bart of San Francisco.

I'm not; this is gross photoshopping by that damned Katussa.

— Bartus Maximus to Gordon, denying that his tongue was seeking intercourse with a nearby ear as suggested by damning evidence obtained by Kahuna.

I shall send you a little effigy of myself that you can pay homage to.

— Bartus Maximus to Kahuna, on diversifying into the ornament and figurine business.

Hello, my name is E. Bunny and I am insatiable.

— Darth Teddy, confirming Kahuna's worst suspicions.

A Q minor is a C major with an intercontinental delay.

— Vandoofus, explaining the newly discovered minor scale to Kahuna.

I've always believed in government of Kahuna, by Kahuna for Kahuna.

— Kahuna to Gordon, unveiling His manifesto.

I loathe stuff with an X in them unless there's three.

— Gordon's Triple-X Principle.

Scarface

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Scarface (Copyright (cc) 2007 B Kahuna)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- Kahuna has resurfaced after a self-imposed sabbatical from the Circus. This time in the Yala, with evidence of large felines of the Panthera pardus kotiya species (Sri Lankan Leopard). The individual seen above has been named Scarface due to injuries visible over its left eye.

The Ex-Dictator and other clowns present during this expedition may also blog further evidence if they ever figure out how to do so.

Captured this morning under very wet conditions using a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III) in sports mode. The automatic white balance was quite bogus and all images are adjusted for color and saturation in Picasa. 

Unquotable Quotes - Part 30

Tell him to bring the charger and come: an industrial charger.

— Vandoofus, challenging Darth Teddy's bid to become the Energizer Bunny.

He wouldn't be a challenge to me even without an initial charge.

— Darth Teddy, reacting to Vandoofus's highly charged challenge.

Indeed, it keeps you on your toes.

— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on being told he was unmanageable.

The Wii is on the way, complete with strap.

— Kahuna, proposing to deal with Gordon's newly commissioned HDTV.

Very well, I shall check my paws on someone tasty.

— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on being told to keep his paws in check.

Your activities on Mars are noted.

— Kahuna, accusing Gordon of answering a call of nature on Mars after NASA's discovery of recent water on the planet's surface.

Are you responsible for the developing situation in Fiji?

— Kahuna, attempting to implicate Gordon in a military coup.

People like you should have their mouse confiscated.

— Kahuna, learning that Gordon had bungled a fund transfer by selected the wrong bank branch from a drop-down list.

The details of the plan are unknown: it appears the City's Finest will be counting on the element of surprise.

— Kahuna, informing Gordon of impending traffic bungling in Colombo.

Your refusal to distance yourself from Redmond is noted.

— Kahuna, on Gordon's Microsoft Only policy.

The WE_KNOW_WHAT_WE_ARE_DOING bit is set.

— Gordon to Kahuna, expressing great disturbance after reviewing Canon's Flash Work website.

They have taken a 64-bit register and set the whole thing, if you ask me.

— Kahuna to Gordon, quantifying the disturbance caused by Canon's Flash Work website.

Nonsense, I am only a risk to the females in the general public.

— Darth Teddy, qualifying Kahuna's allegations of being a risk to the general public.

Next time, it will be the Hounds of Hell on your person.

— Gordon's Hounds of Hell Approach for Dispute Resolution.

You'll never manage to get everyone's signature on the release order.

— Kahuna's Bureaucratic Obstruction to Gordon's Hounds of Hell Approach for Dispute Resolution.

Nonsense, I know El Diablo in person.

— Gordon's Diabolical Method for Red Tape Elimination.

This would explain the sulfurous stench, yes.

— Kahuna's Malodorous Brimstone Corollary to Gordon's Diabolical Method for Red Tape Elimination.

You've soaked the funds in helium have you?

— Kahuna, learning that Gordon was about to transfer floating funds.

Various missives sent from Alpharetta via aircraft, have manifested.

— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, announcing the arrival of a propaganda from Gordon.

Speak English, man.

— Darth Teddy, exasperated with Kahuna communicating without conveying information.

He's sent a letter by airmail.

— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, reluctantly switching to standard English.

You mean you're in the garbage bin?

— Darth Teddy, learning that Kahuna was indisposed.

Why is that idiot building an airport in the middle of nowhere?

— Gordon to Kahuna, raising serious concerns about Weerawila International.

It's helping Hambantota. Now you can visit the Yala easily.

— Kahuna to Gordon, justifying Weerawila International.

I have been vindicated: squirrel research is mainstream.

— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, defending his research interests.

Beware of tattooed philosophers bearing theorems.

— Kahuna's First Law of Dubious Philosophy.

Is this like Han Solo starting up the Millennium Falcon by beating on it?

— Kahuna, learning that Darth Teddy's was still starting up his computer.

Han Solo would be in hyperspace by now.

— Kahuna, taking a dim view of Darth Teddy's continued absence.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 27

Yes! The first insult on Messenger is mine!

- The Ex-Dictator, rejoicing upon calling Kahuna a “dingbat,” online.

You're quite badly equipped for someone claiming to be Kahuna.

- Gordon, questioning Kahuna’s omnipotence.

Those are my cables it’s happily cutting up.

- Gordon, fuming on being told of the Monster improvising power supply solutions for Kahuna.

Will you be taking liquids to Yala?

- Gordon to Kahuna, in an effort to impose travel restrictions.

I intend to generate gases as well.

- Kahuna, responding to Gordon’s proposed travel restrictions.

Clown Factor appears to be auto-balancing.

- Gordon, learning the Cookie Monster had arrived in the tropics to compensate for the departure of the Monster.

You’re photographing wild pussy now.

- Gordon, objecting to Kahuna’s leopard photography.

I've named my pet anaconda.

- Darth Teddy, pleading guilty to dodgy anthropomorphic personification.

Hmm, possibly not, but it might get its belly tickled.

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on whether his anaconda would be fed.

You’re posting images of naked animals: this is an invasion of their privacy.

- Gordon, taking Kahuna to task for wildlife photography in the Yala.

You're free to clothe them at your own expense.

- Kahuna, proposing a solution to Gordon’s privacy fears.

Sports mode indeed; those animals are not playing anything.

- Gordon, taking a dark view of Kahuna using sports mode on His EOS 30D for wildlife photography.

You’re mucking about on the Internet without clearing all possible barriers to entering the aircraft.

- Gordon, objecting to Kahuna’s online presence at the airport.

Probably due to too much smooching; if not, mounting.

- Kahuna, diagnosing the cause behind Darth Teddy’s cold.

You will note clowns at Sony are causing explosions all over the planet.

- Kahuna, on Sony’s unstable lithium-ion battery technology.

I bet they won't allow Dell laptops on aircraft now.

- Gordon, extrapolating the consequences of Sony’s battery fiasco.

What do the park animals think of the wildlife you traveled with?

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on His traveling companions in the Yala.

I blame the leopard for not finishing you lot off.

- Gordon, expressing frustration at the continued existence of Kahuna et al.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

- Darth Teddy, reacting to Kahuna’s threat of being made to watch Brokeback Mountain beside Timmy the Ambidextrous.

This reminds me of The Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies by Van Klomp.

- Gordon, critiquing Kahuna’s Ox-Eye Daisy.

The senate has ratified your appointment as Creature of Insufficient Light. You didn't have enough brownie points to make Creature of Darkness.

- Kahuna, informing Gordon of his latest appointment.

I was mistaken for a medical practitioner.

- Kahuna, admitting to involuntary malpractice.

It seems a performance of the Rite of the Polecat is called for.

- Kahuna, planning to summon an absconding Gordon by means of black magic.

See, if they taught polymorphism like that, you think I would have forgotten?

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on a highly explicit tutorial on object-oriented programming.

Bah, I powered you in the middle of the jungle if you recall.

- Gordon to Kahuna, refuting allegations of being outdated.

Did you dress up as Big Bird, given your background in volumetric ornithology?

- Kahuna, quizzing Gordon’s dress code during his offspring’s birthday party.

You'll probably get shot with this thing.

- Gordon, on the Wenger Giant Knife, Version 1.0.

You think it can hold a Scud launch module?

- The Monster, on the Wenger Giant Knife, Version 1.0.

I believe they're short of a prophet in Colorado.

- Kahuna, noting a vacancy arising from the arrest of Warren Jeffs.

Do they still offer the Escalade and the laptops?

- Gordon, considering the offer and clarifying the perquisites.

Hmm, there was an idiot with a dubious accent that called, but it was daytime here.

- Gordon, recollecting a nuisance call from the Ex-Dictator in what the latter believed to be the wee hours of Eastern Daylight Time.

Your time zone calculations have been bungled.

- Gordon, taking Kahuna to task for bungling a nuisance call.

Obviously, clowns from your company made the calculations.

- Kahuna, in his own defense.

I am currently getting shock absorbers replaced.

- Darth Teddy, reporting on the need for vehicular overhaul after a particularly vigorous Feast of the Anaconda.

GITT Mk III has a gyro.

- Gordon, disclosing inertial navigation capabilities in his flagship automobile.

Your attempt to have GITT Mk III classified as an aircraft—fraudulently—is noted: “my car has a gyro and thus inertial navigation and thus it’s a plane.”

- Kahuna, predicting Gordon’s reasoning to enter the civil aviation industry.

[Her Royal Highness] has left the room; do you want to give me a smooch now?

- Huggles, furtively soliciting favors from Kahuna.

Posing Peacock

Posing Peacock (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- An Indian peacock (Pavo cristatus) poses for the camera from the undergrowth of the Yala.

Captured on 12^th August 2006 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III) in sports mode (ISO 400, 1/250^th second shutter and aperture of F/5). Posted image digitally zoomed by 34%. 

Deer Crossing

Deer Crossing (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- Two Sri Lanka spotted deer (axis axis ceylonensis) nervously cross a road in the Yala.

Captured on 13^th August 2006 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III) in sports mode (ISO 400, 1/800th second shutter and aperture of F/5.6). 

Leopard Crossing

Leopard Crossing (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- A Sri Lanka leopard (panthera pardus kotiya) crosses the road in Yala, seemingly unconcerned with the barrage of Canon lenses aimed at it from our vehicle.

Captured on 12^th August 2006 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III) in sports mode (ISO 400, 1/800^th second shutter and aperture of F/5). Unfortunately, there was no time to zoom in closer and the subject was shot at 80mm zoom. The image posted is a crop of the original at about 100% digital zoom.

First Light

First Light (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- Fiery rays of light leap into the dark sky a few moments after sunrise at Yala.

Captured at 0602 hours on 14^th August 2006 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF-S 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6 II) in landscape mode, 1/100^th second shutter and an aperture of f/6.3.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 14

Two of the biggest clowns on the planet against one is not fair.

- Gordon, raising preliminary objections to a proposed strategic alliance between Kahuna and Bartus Maximus.

Your social skills need refining. Right now you're right up there with a Rottweiler.

- Gordon, responding to a bite() instruction issued by Kahuna.

On negotiating the travel arrangements last night, [my father] agreed to tag along with me on the condition that he has exclusive rights to the volume control.

- Gordon, revealing damning evidence of operating beyond the 90-decibel limit.

Did you know that light travels over 73 trillion furlongs in a fortnight?

- Kahuna to Gordon, providing information using controversial units of measure.

I'll have you tied to the Hubble telescope with your friggin camera.

- Gordon to Kahuna, expressing great annoyance at the speed of light being measured in non-standard units.

I will not rest until a motor vehicle is introduced into your room.

- Kahuna, vowing to perpetrate a dastardly hack on Gordon.

All quiet on the HR front.

- Gordon, reporting from the front after shelling forward positions.

I mean I have a moral obligation. The hour is late, you are here, online.

- The Regulator, explaining her reasons for querying Kahuna’s online presence.

Yes, by a woman in her mid 50s. A matronly woman.

- The Regulator, suggesting that Kahuna be supervised lest He be a nuisance to the planet.

Didn’t you know? They use duct tape for that now.

- The Regulator, advising Kahuna to follow Homeland Security in using duct tape to knit the universe together.

We were nearly mauled by that elephant and you were making queries about its dietary habits. In the native tongue no less.

- Kahuna reminding Her Royal Highness of the notorious 'Aliya Kaidda?' episode in the depths of the Yala, featuring a large pachyderm in heat.

Or if you get a battalion of elephants to fart in quick succession.

- Kahuna, proposing an alternative explanation to explosive sounds heard by Gordon.

I have 40GB in my dashboard.

- Gordon, declaring sinister in-car storage capability.

Just as I was about to bomb the place!

- The Regulator, admitting to having considered incendiary means to get Kahuna’s attention.

On the contrary, it would make quite an entry.

- Gordon, proposing to turn up for a meeting in GITT Mk2 to use its storage capabilities for keeping the minutes.

Yes... When you need to demolish the supporting walls.

- Kahuna, agreeing that it would indeed be a spectacular entry.

Ah, its time for my lunch again.

- The Regulator, confirming widely held beliefs that she is in a permanent state of lunch (9:00pm GMT+6).

The Hand of Kahuna

The Hand of Kahuna (Copyright © 2005 Huggles)

YALA, Sri Lanka -- Droplets of water frozen in time as Kahuna uses a bottle cap for an impromptu demonstration of shutter priority to Huggles.

Captured by Huggles on 22^nd July 2005, with his Canon PowerShot S1 on shutter priority (1/1000^th of a second) and a resulting aperture of f/3.1.