Picturesque Kyleakin

Picturesque Kyleakin (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna) 

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- More photographs from the picturesque Kyleakin^[1] harbor visited by Kahuna and Darth Teddy towards the end of summer in 2005. The water was calm enough in some places to form almost perfect reflections. The last photograph shows the ruins of Castle Moil in the background.

It is believed that Darth Teddy attempted to get Kahuna intoxicated at the King Haakon Bar on the last night spent on the island. However, to this day, little is known about what transpired, thereafter.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1.

More stories and photographs from the Isle of Skye can be found here.

^[1] Pronounced Kyle-AH-Kin. Called Caol Acain in Gaelic, meaning the Strait of Haakon, is named after King Haakon IV of Norway. 

The Kahuna-Darth Teddy Messages: Part 7 - The Way of the Sheep

KINGTON, Herefordshire -- A few days ago, mysterious goings-on were reported from this quiet market town near the Welsh border. According to eyewitness accounts about a hundred sheep were seen forming an almost-perfect circle in a roadside field, causing great astonishment among the local populace.

While crop circles seem to be more commonplace, this would appear to be the first reported occurrence of a sheep circle. Very little is known about this bizarre phenomenon, leading Kahuna to suspect that dark powers were at play. This naturally led to a confrontation with Darth Teddy, who is coincidentally located a little over a hundred and thirty miles away in Watford.

Kahuna      : Did you have anything to do with this?
Darth Teddy : Er no, crop circles are Gordon's 
              department.
Kahuna      : That was my initial suspicion as well 
              but, the sheep led me in your 
              direction.
Darth Teddy : Er, I believe you are the one that is 
              dodgy with sheep, so I think this is 
              all your doing.
Kahuna      : Nonsense, you are the one who mistook 
              one for a dog.
Darth Teddy : You are well known for getting sheep 
              in trouble.
Kahuna      : That sheep in question was not burying
              a bone.
Darth Teddy : In conclusion, I believe you are 
              responsible for leading these sheep 
              astray, or in a circle as the case may
              be.
Kahuna      : And you were attempting to accuse an 
              innocent sheep of falsifying the 
              fossil record.
Darth Teddy : Irrelevant; your sympathy towards said
              sheep prove further that you are 
              leading them astray.
Kahuna      : That's hogwash and you know it.  
              Bernisdale was just the beginning; I
              should have paid more attention to the
              signs.  You are clearly the Sheep
              Whisperer.
Darth Teddy : Ha! A weak attempt to hide from the
              truth.  Your attempts to lead sheep to
              the dark side are well known. This
              time the farmer's tractor just got
              there in time I believe.
Kahuna      : A likely story! Was the collie in on
              this as well?
Darth Teddy : I don't know, do you have control over
              them too?
Kahuna      : I had nothing to do with this X-(
              You're attempting to subvert this
              conversation to cover your tracks.
Darth Teddy : Denial, the first sign of a guilty
              conscience.
Kahuna      : No doubt you offered the collie a bone
              in exchange for its involvement.
Darth Teddy : Tut, tut, I believe the collie was put
              under a spell by you before all this.
Kahuna      : Spell? Are you accusing me of teaching
              it a foreign language?
Darth Teddy : I don't know, did you?
Kahuna      : Certainly not. It all fits into place
              now. You've been blackmailing collies
              to round up sheep in circles.
Darth Teddy : Anyway, enough of this sheep talk.
Kahuna      : You can't speak fluent sheep anyway
              X-(
Darth Teddy : And thus the final piece of the puzzle
              as to who manipulated the sheep.
Kahuna      : Indeed, the Dog Whisperer.
Darth Teddy : [SIGH] Make up your mind.
Kahuna      : You were attempting to mislead us all.
              Since you couldn't influence the
              sheep, you got to the collie X-(
Darth Teddy : Yeah, yeah; your details have been
              passed on to the FBI.

Readers familiar with the adventures of Kahuna and Darth Teddy will recall a previous altercation involving sheep in the cat-infested desolation of Bernisdale on the Isle of Skye. At the time, Kahuna—who speaks fluent sheep—sparked controversy when He attempted to communicate with the some of the incumbent creatures. Tensions were raised further with Darth Teddy claiming to see a sheep burying some manner of ossicular trophy. The matter has not been satisfactorily resolved to this day and continues to be a bone of contention.

The anaconda keeper's motive behind the sheep circle remains a mystery, but is suspected to be nefarious. Kahuna vowed to get to the bottom of the matter and indicated that He will interview the sheep involved during the next few days. It was not immediately clear if He would be yapping with the collie as well.

No sheep were harmed during this production, although the collie did give them the eye several times. Darth Teddy supplied his own anaconda.

The West Highland Line

The West Highland Line (Copyright © 2007 Google Inc)

WEST HIGHLAND LINE, Scotland -- In the early Autumn of 2005, Kahuna and Darth Teddy embarked on an expedition of Scotland by rail. The first leg of the journey began at the Queen Street station in Glasgow and ended in the fishing port of Mallaig on the west coast of Scotland.

The West Highland Line, Rathad Iarainn nan Eilean ("Iron Road to the Isles") in Scotts Gaelic, is arguably one of most scenic railway lines in the United Kingdom. Here are some of the photographs of the journey from the vast Archives of Kahuna.


Driving Trailer of Class 318 EMU (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)

We pass a driving trailer of a British Rail Class 318 electric multiple unit train (as opposed to a locomotive). This type of train would usually be configured with two driving trailers and a central motor car containing the traction motors.


The Hills (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)


The Barrow (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)

This barrow full of flowers was parked on a small lonely railway platform, the name of which escapes us. Kahuna posted a close-up of this scene as an entry to the controversial Vandoofus Prize in 2005.


The Misty Highlands (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)


The Misty Peak (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)


The Mist-Swept Loch (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)

 
Class 37 Locomotive 'The Saltire Society' (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)

This is a Class 37 Diesel-Electric locomotive named 'The Saltire Society' built in the 1950s and refitted in the 1980s. The diesel engine, main alternator and traction motors are contained in a single car.


The Loch (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)


The Glenfinnan Viaduct (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)

We pass over the Glenfinnan Viaduct built by Robert 'Concrete Bob' McAlpine during the early 20^th century. Fans of the Harry Potter movies (which exclude Kahuna and Darth Teddy) will recognize the viaduct from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Darth Teddy is known to have strong views on the subject. "I detest that brat," and "they should have killed him in the first book," being some of the milder oaths attributed to the allegedly cuddly one.


The Sea Loch (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)


The Contentious Game (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)

In between swigs of Scottish ale, Kahuna and Darth Teddy engaged in a long game of Scrabble during the journey. Naturally, the anaconda keeper was squarely trounced by Kahuna. This incident remains a sore point with Darth Teddy to this day.


Cursum Perficio (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)

After almost five hours, our journey comes to an end at the beautiful port of Mallaig. We spent the night feasting on some of the freshest seafood in Scotland and took the ferry to the Isle of Skye the next day, but that's another story.

Götterdämmerung

Götterdämmerung (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- Night falls over the Valhalla anchored in Kyleakin bay, reminding Kahuna of Odin's hall in Asgard where the slain are gloriously welcomed. Götterdämmerung^[1], the Twilight of the Gods.

Captured on 11^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and 1/3^rd of a second shutter.

^[1] Last of the four operas comprising Richard Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen (The Ring of the Nibelung).  

Skye Bridge at Dusk

Sky Bridge at Dusk (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- Dusk washes over the controversial Skye Bridge linking Kyleakin with the mainland. Eilean Bàn, the White Island can be seen to the right. The lighthouse can be seen under the bridge between the two rightmost support pillars.

Captured on 11^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and 1/3^rd of a second shutter, balanced on the wall of the King Haakon Bar. 

Teko the Otter

Teko the Otter (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- A sculpture of Teko the Otter by Laurence Broderick, the Otter Man of Skye, stands before the Bright Water Visitor Centre, overlooking the sea.

Commissioned by the Born Free Foundation, the sculpture was donated to the Eilean Bàn Trust for the Bright Water Visitor Centre. Eilean Bàn, which means White Island in Gaelic refers to a six acre island between Kyleakin and the mainland. The Skye road bridge spans the island, which was originally the home to the lighthouse keeper and his family. It later became the residence of Gavin Maxwell, author and naturalist.

Today, the island is home to a wealth of wildlife, the Maxwell museum and Teko the Otter's memorial stone.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and a resulting shutter speed of 1/400^th of a second. 

Mirror

Mirror (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- An incredibly calm sea mirrors a 2-stroke 8 hp Mercury outboard motor.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/4 and shutter speed of 1/200^th of a second. 

Pebbles

Pebbles (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- Colorful pebbles rounded by centuries of erosion decorate the rocky beach of Kyleakin bay.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.5) and a resultant shutter speed of 1/80^th of a second. 

The Dawn of Aquarius

The Dawn of Aquarius (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- The Dawn of Aquarius at anchor in the sheltered bay of Kyleakin, with another unidentified vessel in the foreground.

The name of the vessel seems to be a reference to the Age of Aquarius, one of the twelve astrological ages, the date of entry into which is under debate.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

Castle Moil

Castle Moil (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- A view of the 14^th century fortress Castle Moil (Caisteal Maol in Gaelic), once occupied by Clan MacKinnon.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second.  

Kyleakin Harbor

Kyleakin Harbor (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- The ruins of Castle Moil in silent watch over Kyleakin^[1] harbor. The town called Caol Acain in Gaelic, meaning the Strait of Haakon, is named after King Haakon IV of Norway.

Interestingly, an open wireless network encountered here during a routine security scan was made use of by Kahuna and the Teddybear.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second.

^[1] Pronounced Kyle-AH-Kin.

Portree Harbor

Portree Harbor

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- The trademark white, pink, blue and green buildings add a splash of color to the Portree harbor, as viewed from the MV Stardust underway with Darth Teddy and Kahuna on board.

Captured using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.5) and a resulting shutter speed of 1/800^th of a second. 

More Sea King Action

Golf Mike Uniform Overhead (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)



Golf Mike Uniform Chases the Portree Lifeboat (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- By popular demand, we present more Sea King photographs taken during the air-sea rescue demonstration at the Portree harbor.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with undisclosed parameters. 

Sea King in Action

Sea King in Action (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Golf Mike Uniform in action along with the Portree Lifeboat.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/8 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

Sikorsky Sea King

Sikorsky Sea King (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Sikorsky S61N Sea King Golf Mike Uniform, operated by HM Coastguard prepares for an air-sea rescue demonstration over Portree harbor.

The Sea King is a multi-purpose helicopter powered by two General Electric T58-GE-10 turboshaft engines each delivering 1,440 shp. It first flew in 1959 and entered service with the US Navy in 1961. The Sea King has a top speed of 267 kmh and a ceiling of 14,700 feet. It has an amphibious hull and can land on water in emergencies for a few minutes.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

The Captain's Rod

The Captain's Rod (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Captain's rod, Stardust... Oops, wrong show. Anyway, here we are on the MV Stardust, a vessel whose engine had failed and needed to be towed back the previous day. Of course, this wasn't revealed until we were underway and out of screaming distance from the harbor.

Here we see the branded personal flotation device next to a color-matched cylinder of Calor Gas (butane). The captain's rod is to the extreme left. Darth Teddy, an expert deep sea fisherman (especially in turbulant waters), was seen taking a considerable interest in the captain's rod.

Oh yeah, 10^th September, Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.5) and resultant shutter of 1/800^th of a second. 

All that Glitters is the Sea

All that Glitters is the Sea (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- A millisecond shutter captures the shimmering surface of the sea across the Sound of Raasay, looking east from Portree harbor. The town is called Port Rígh (the King's Port) in Gaelic, after a visit by James V of Scotland in 1540.

Darth Teddy and Kahuna escaped to Portree after a harrowing and hungry night in Bernisdale, surrounded by large black cats^[1]. Naturally, this called for pigging out on fish, chips and Scottish ale on the pier. This was followed by an air-sea rescue demonstration conducted by HM Coastguard. More photographs will follow.

Darth Teddy's photograph, An Ode to Waffles was taken during a tour of Portree Bay aboard the MV Stardust, after the skipper (also a large clown) decided to drop everything and fish instead.

Captured on 10^th September 2005, with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on shutter priority (1/1000^th of a second) and a resulting aperture of f/6.3.

^[1] For more sordid information, please refer Kahuna Returns, Confirms Dark Deeds, Darth Teddy will Shed Light, for a Price, Kahuna Accuses Darth Teddy of Bernisdale Fiasco, Teddy Denies Allegations and Sheds More Light and Unquotable Quotes - Part 7.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 7

What are you referring to now, you infernal insomniac?

- Darth Ching, responding to an interrupt issued by Kahuna.

Judging by your alcohol-blood ratio, I believe you're quite close to an ethanol-based life form.

- Kahuna, raising a highly flammable point with Darth Ching.

It ain’t over till the Fat Man signs.

- Kahuna, making cryptic references to Professor Gordon’s refusal to scrawl on the dotted line.

Baaaaa!

- Darth Kahuna, issuing a greeting in their native tongue, to a group of sheep found in the yard of a house in Bernisdale, on the Isle of Skye.

Baaa! Baaaaaaa?

- The sheep, politely reciprocating and enquiring where Kahuna learned to speak the language so fluently.

I tell you it was burying a bone!

- Darth Teddy, insisting that a sheep encountered in Bernisdale was exhibiting patently canine behavior.

I am a senior senior java architect, I don’t know this trivial stuff.

- St Vandoofus in his own defense, on being unable to add two columns correctly in Microsoft Excel.

Drawing one's lightsaber while commenting, "I find your lack of faith in the technical architecture disturbing” has its plus points.

- Darth Kahuna, mulling over the use of a lightsaber to settle disputes during a design meeting.

I have moved up in the Empire.

- Professor Gordon, on being kicked upstairs to the 15^th floor.

Has your net pay increased with altitude?

- Darth Kahuna to Professor Gordon, attempting to establish direct correlation before offering the latter a highly paid assignment in low Earth orbit.

Kahuna Accuses Darth Teddy of Bernisdale Fiasco

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- While there appears to have been a minor lexical anomaly in His previous post due to a keyboard malfunction, Kahuna would like to remind the Bear that the Bear, the whole Bear and nothing but the Bear is solely responsible for the Bernisdale^[1] fiasco.

Who, might we ask, booked us into the treacherous, cat-infested lair of Dorothy? It must also be pointed out that the Bear was far from apologetic when confronted by the huge sheep-sized cats in person.

More on this sordid topic will be exposed later.

^[1] Located on the Isle of Skye, about ten miles from Portree—essentially, in the middle of nowhere. Unremarkably, the name appears to be Old Norse for Bjorn’s Dale. Who Bjorn was and why in particular he occupied an entire dale is not known.