Unquotable Quotes - Part 32

Your face probably scared the mailer daemon.

— Kahuna to the Baroness, on why her photograph was not delivered by email.

I have always been intrigued with the correlation between scanning cats and one's own illness.

— Kahuna to Gordon, on Computed Axial Tomography.

Apparently the monkeys have already started putting up banners to welcome you back.

— The Baroness to Kahuna, on a proposed expedition to the Yala.

It is the first time that I've seen a groom with hair longer than the bride's.

— Gordon to Kahuna, taking a dim view of the Hobbit's hairdo at his nuptials.

I spilt orange juice on the laptop; it's fried.

— Gordon to Kahuna, declaring sinister deeds with a little help from his offspring.

I suggest you get one of those spill-proof baby bottles for yourself.

— Kahuna, taking Gordon to task for causing a flood.

The keyboard on this thing seems to be made with chewing gum: it requires about 10 kPa to trigger a key.

— Gordon to Kahuna, bellyaching about his replacement laptop.

And the Seagate drive is as noisy as a squirrel on a tin roof.

— Gordon to Kahuna, dismissing the decibel as the preferred unit of measure for hard drive acoustics.

I casually mentioned that I was a university lecturer in IT and she toned it down.

— Gordon to Kahuna, admitting that he threw his considerable weight about to silence a luser.

We speak only Australian.

— Huggles to Kahuna, declaring an Australian-only policy.

Palayang ado.

— Kahuna, resorting to the native language to suggest that Huggles should stick his policy down under.

I have fetishes you wouldn't even dream of.

— Huggles to Kahuna, admitting his penchant for obsessions.

I have to recalibrate the Tomahawk.

— Gordon, on his pressing need for Kahuna's current location.

Application of Vaseline would have severely impacted the diffraction grating.

— Kahuna, learning that Gordon's offspring had manifested with a DVD-R and a tub of Vaseline.

Your daughter may be attempting to destroy a second laptop with a well-greased DVD-R.

— Kahuna, cautioning Gordon of weapons of mass diffraction.

She is attempting to override her ACL for objects on the table.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on his offspring's efforts to access his tablespace and engineer a second flood.

She didn't take too well to the 403 error and has left.

— Gordon to Kahuna, noting the result of revoking tablespace privileges.

She is currently transmitting wail packets on the broadcast address.

— Gordon to Kahuna, reporting further consequences of his actions.

C9 27 55 2A A7 30 B1 30 89 99 D5 0F 51 0A AA 98.

— Kahuna, laying claim to his own 128-bit integer after the AACS encryption key controversy.

Your emotions are not parsed by this channel; you will switch to approved channels.

— Gordon, taking Kahuna to task for expressing an unsupported emotion [ =)) ] on MSN Messenger.

It seems that lawrencium has no known uses, just like you.

— Kahuna, taking an elementary jab at Vandoofus.

It has a half-life of 216 minutes: just like you, if I get my hands on you.

— Vandoofus, resorting to radioactive decay to deal with Kahuna.

They take being "The World's Local Bank" very seriously; in this part of the world, it appears to be the bullock cart.

— Kahuna to Gordon, on HSBC taking two weeks to deliver a security token.

Clowns build faster processors and Microsoft builds slower software; thus is equilibrium attained.

— Kahuna's Balance of Molasses.

I am mucking about with the Seven Cores, the RSX and the Holy SIXAXIS.

— Gordon to Kahuna, swearing by a most unholy trinity.

My august personage shall stand no besmirching by thy vile lies, varlet!

— Bartus Maximus to Kahuna, redeeming his role as the Bart of San Francisco.

I'm not; this is gross photoshopping by that damned Katussa.

— Bartus Maximus to Gordon, denying that his tongue was seeking intercourse with a nearby ear as suggested by damning evidence obtained by Kahuna.

I shall send you a little effigy of myself that you can pay homage to.

— Bartus Maximus to Kahuna, on diversifying into the ornament and figurine business.

Hello, my name is E. Bunny and I am insatiable.

— Darth Teddy, confirming Kahuna's worst suspicions.

A Q minor is a C major with an intercontinental delay.

— Vandoofus, explaining the newly discovered minor scale to Kahuna.

I've always believed in government of Kahuna, by Kahuna for Kahuna.

— Kahuna to Gordon, unveiling His manifesto.

I loathe stuff with an X in them unless there's three.

— Gordon's Triple-X Principle.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 31

Is your mother still blissfully unaware of your tattoo?

— Kahuna, questioning Darth Teddy on the status of mandatory disclosures.

Would you like your nipple pierced?

— Darth Teddy, attempting to lure Kahuna to the Dark Side.

You might get excommunicated due to inactivity.

— Kahuna, warning Vandoofus of the severe consequences of not blogging.

What dastardly plans have you hatched under the darkness of covers?

— Kahuna, suspecting Darth Teddy of misbehaving beneath the sheets.

I smell nuts.

— Darth Teddy, announcing intent to hunt.

It's so much easier with men.

— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on successful hunting after his recent policy reversal.

By the way, I will be coming home with you today.

— Darth Teddy, disclosing nefarious designs on Kahuna.

If you have no more use of your gonads, we could go for the cheese.

— Kahuna, noting the price of the cheese platter might require Darth Teddy to pawn no-longer-needed parts of his anatomy.

I don't recall a wolf.

— Darth Teddy, learning of Kahuna's plans to blog about the Way of the Wolf.

I am hungry, bitch; make me some food.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, demanding service in the wee hours of the morning.

Do you realize how much money Durex is loosing each night you don't hump?

— Kahuna, expressing concern over Darth Teddy's uncustomary celibacy.

You're causing a decline in the latex futures market.

— Kahuna, predicting dire economic implications from Darth Teddy's continued abstinence.

You are associating with the wrong types: look at that boy's hair.

— Gordon to Kahuna, taking a dim view of the Hobbit's excessively long hair.

It's attempting to use X-ray technology to look under female undergarments.

— Kahuna to Gordon, revealing the Hobbit's plan to use NightShot technology for purposes other than those envisaged by Sony.

In other words, it's trying to catch some bird in the nude unbeknown.

— Gordon to Kahuna, establishing the Hobbit's modus operandi.

Darth Teddy is beyond undergarments; its dilemma is what hole to stick it in.

— Gordon's Holy Teddy Hypothesis.

It's not as effective as I expected it to be.

— The Hobbit to Kahuna, revealing disappointing results after field-testing Sony's NightShot technology under dubious conditions.

Why do they fix this stupid IR filter in front?

— The Hobbit to Kahuna, expressing annoyance with Sony's design of the Cybershot DSC-V1 digital camera.

Will this become Bogusan Idol?

— Kahuna to Gordon, pondering the future of an Imperial talent contest.

Sirasa Super Tart.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on the Imperial talent contest if Darth Teddy had anything to do with it.

Send it to me as well, please.

— Darth Teddy, requesting Kahuna for incriminating video evidence of himself dug up by Gordon's global spy network.

Oh she's prayed over your email address; bless your soul.

— Kahuna, noting that Mrs Moses had prayed over an email to Gordon.

The tie is meant to contrast, not be camouflaged.

— Gordon's Conspicuous Necktie Principle.

I believe ET faced similar problems.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on being unable to call home due to a busy signal.

I tell you, QA clowns are from the planet Zork.

— Gordon to Kahuna, expressing great displeasure with QA.

I thought they were from Uranus.

— Kahuna to Gordon, challenging the origin of QA.

Plus you can have Playboy on-demand.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on compelling reasons to live in the Land of the Free.

It looks like a chicken in that headgear.

— Gordon to Kahuna, commenting on the Ex-Dictator's turban.

I'm Kahuna; I cannot be explained.

— Kahuna to Gordon, on being asked to explain Himself.

Catbert is quite fat.

— Gordon, calling Catbert fat.

Are you suggesting it ain't over till the fat man sings?

— Kahuna, querying if Gordon expected Catbert to perform an aria in full Valkyrie outfit.

I will pose as Snoop Dogg.

— Gordon to Kahuna, outlining his plans to obtain an Amex Centurion Card.

You might have better luck as Dr Evil.

— Kahuna to Gordon, recommending a more appropriate masquerade.

I hope this doesn't change anything between us.

— Vandoofus, in a wedding message to the Ex-Dictator.

You could add that we have an air bed, depending on the seriousness of the faces.

— Gordon, instructing Kahuna to deliver a wedding message to the Baroness and the Ex-Dictator.

That might cause tachycardia in assorted aunts.

— Kahuna, questioning the aunt-safeness of Gordon's wedding message.

That's a highly dodgy use of a semicolon.

— Kahuna, pausing to critique Darth Teddy's punctuation.

When I'm through with you, your anaconda will need a splint.

— Kahuna, proposing to cramp Darth Teddy's style.

I don't misbehave; it's just that you under-behave.

- Darth Teddy, blaming Kahuna for sub-standard behavior.

You are flawed.

— Darth Teddy's Defective Kahuna Hypothesis.

Yup, stainless. Until I come that is; then there are stains.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, contending that his equipment was cast from industrial-grade stainless steel.

No, I like the heat generated.

— Vandoofus, dismissing Kahuna's recommendation of industrial-grade lubricant.

Hugo! Hugo! Hugo!

— Kahuna, riling Gordon by routing for Hugo Chavez.

I was feeling much better in the afternoon and took a bath.

— Gordon to Kahuna, explaining the circumstances behind his relapse.

As your doctor, I recommend that you be shot.

— Kahuna, writing Gordon a fatal prescription.

Speaking of Sony, I just discovered my TV runs Linux.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on being unwittingly bound by the GNU General Public License.

This is a violation of your MOU with Redmond.

— Kahuna, accusing Gordon of double-crossing Redmond.

I will now calculate the total number of speakers I am accountable for around the planet.

— Gordon to Kahuna, attempting to proclaim a sinister new definition of surround sound.

Sixty-three.

— Gordon's Answer to the Question of the Tweeter, the Squawker and the Woofer.

UQ is becoming quite U.

— Kahuna to Gordon, expressing concern about Unquotable Quotes.

I'm changing to Morse code to be safe.

— Her Royal Highness, learning that Kahuna would be publishing a new edition of Unquotable Quotes.

We'll soon have to put an adult filter on that thing.

— Her Royal Highness, threatening to censor Unquotable Quotes.