ISLA BUNGLAR, Off Costa Rica -- In completely unanticipated developments, Kahuna announced today that He had been rudely awakened from His slumber of more than sixty moons by the rise in average global temperature and corresponding decline in human intelligence. Speaking to KNN via satellite phone from the decidedly hostile territory of Professor Gordon’s secret laboratory off the coast of Costa Rica, Kahuna noted that recent events presented great potential for buffoonery. He added that He intended to make the most of them.
While the proprietor of the facility is not believed to have been at hand during Kahuna’s unwelcome incursion, a contingent of Gordon’s porcupines and polecats are thought to have escorted Kahuna off the island.
In a subsequent interview, Gordon told KNN that he was infuriated by Kahuna bloviating from his private property. He also hazarded that sleep apnea or a nighttime visit by the Potty Monkey was more likely to have been a factor in the awakening of Kahuna.
This is a developing story and KNN will continue to provide live fabrication.
