Unquotable Quotes - Part 14

Two of the biggest clowns on the planet against one is not fair.

- Gordon, raising preliminary objections to a proposed strategic alliance between Kahuna and Bartus Maximus.

Your social skills need refining. Right now you're right up there with a Rottweiler.

- Gordon, responding to a bite() instruction issued by Kahuna.

On negotiating the travel arrangements last night, [my father] agreed to tag along with me on the condition that he has exclusive rights to the volume control.

- Gordon, revealing damning evidence of operating beyond the 90-decibel limit.

Did you know that light travels over 73 trillion furlongs in a fortnight?

- Kahuna to Gordon, providing information using controversial units of measure.

I'll have you tied to the Hubble telescope with your friggin camera.

- Gordon to Kahuna, expressing great annoyance at the speed of light being measured in non-standard units.

I will not rest until a motor vehicle is introduced into your room.

- Kahuna, vowing to perpetrate a dastardly hack on Gordon.

All quiet on the HR front.

- Gordon, reporting from the front after shelling forward positions.

I mean I have a moral obligation. The hour is late, you are here, online.

- The Regulator, explaining her reasons for querying Kahuna’s online presence.

Yes, by a woman in her mid 50s. A matronly woman.

- The Regulator, suggesting that Kahuna be supervised lest He be a nuisance to the planet.

Didn’t you know? They use duct tape for that now.

- The Regulator, advising Kahuna to follow Homeland Security in using duct tape to knit the universe together.

We were nearly mauled by that elephant and you were making queries about its dietary habits. In the native tongue no less.

- Kahuna reminding Her Royal Highness of the notorious 'Aliya Kaidda?' episode in the depths of the Yala, featuring a large pachyderm in heat.

Or if you get a battalion of elephants to fart in quick succession.

- Kahuna, proposing an alternative explanation to explosive sounds heard by Gordon.

I have 40GB in my dashboard.

- Gordon, declaring sinister in-car storage capability.

Just as I was about to bomb the place!

- The Regulator, admitting to having considered incendiary means to get Kahuna’s attention.

On the contrary, it would make quite an entry.

- Gordon, proposing to turn up for a meeting in GITT Mk2 to use its storage capabilities for keeping the minutes.

Yes... When you need to demolish the supporting walls.

- Kahuna, agreeing that it would indeed be a spectacular entry.

Ah, its time for my lunch again.

- The Regulator, confirming widely held beliefs that she is in a permanent state of lunch (9:00pm GMT+6).

Portree Harbor

Portree Harbor

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- The trademark white, pink, blue and green buildings add a splash of color to the Portree harbor, as viewed from the MV Stardust underway with Darth Teddy and Kahuna on board.

Captured using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.5) and a resulting shutter speed of 1/800^th of a second. 

The Island

They say the skies of Lebanon are burning
Those mighty cedars bleeding in the heat
They're showing pictures on the television
Women and children dying in the street
And we're still at it in our own place
Still trying to reach the future through the past
Still trying to carve tomorrow from a tombstone...

Chorus

But Hey! Don't listen to me!
This wasn't meant to be no sad song
We've heard too much of that before
Right now I only want to be here with you
Till the morning dew comes falling
I want to take you to the island
And trace your footprints in the sand
And in the evening when the sun goes down
We'll make love to the sound of the ocean

They're raising banners over by the markets
Whitewashing slogans on the shipyard walls
Witchdoctors praying for a mighty showdown
No way our holy flag is gonna fall
Up here we sacrifice our children
To feed the worn-out dreams of yesterday
And teach them dying will lead us into glory...

Repeat chorus

Now I know us plain folks don't see all the story
And I know this peace and love's just copping out
And I guess these young boys dying in the ditches
Is just what being free is all about
And how this twisted wreckage down on main street
Will bring us all together in the end
And we'll go marching down the road to freedom...
Freedom

- Paul Brady, Back to the Centre (1985). Copyright © Hornall Brothers Music.

Sadly, some things never change. This is what Paul Brady says about writing this song:

Figuring out what to say about this song is almost as hard as writing it was in the first place. In early Eighties Ireland emotions were very high. Things had come to a head in the North. People were on hunger strike and dying. The Lebanon, Nicaragua, El Salvador, South Africa were all daily bearing witness to our capacity for cruelty, shortsightedness and greed. All around us politicians and public figures roaring drunk with their certainties.

I kind of wanted to give voice to this other ordinary man who was powerless to affect anything on a grand scale but was just trying to thread a way through all the emotional flak and stay in touch with what humans were designed to do. one to one. It was a controversial thing to be going on about at the time. If you're not with us, you're against us. Turning your back on your own. Many friendships ended in those days. The subsequent popularity of this song, due also in no small measure to Dolores Keane's beautiful rendition on 'A Woman's Heart' makes me feel that although I wasn't sure what I was dealing with, something was being said that needed to be said.

More Sea King Action

Golf Mike Uniform Overhead (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)



Golf Mike Uniform Chases the Portree Lifeboat (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- By popular demand, we present more Sea King photographs taken during the air-sea rescue demonstration at the Portree harbor.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with undisclosed parameters. 

Sea King in Action

Sea King in Action (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Golf Mike Uniform in action along with the Portree Lifeboat.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/8 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

Sikorsky Sea King

Sikorsky Sea King (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Sikorsky S61N Sea King Golf Mike Uniform, operated by HM Coastguard prepares for an air-sea rescue demonstration over Portree harbor.

The Sea King is a multi-purpose helicopter powered by two General Electric T58-GE-10 turboshaft engines each delivering 1,440 shp. It first flew in 1959 and entered service with the US Navy in 1961. The Sea King has a top speed of 267 kmh and a ceiling of 14,700 feet. It has an amphibious hull and can land on water in emergencies for a few minutes.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

Vote for the Vandoofus Prize!

Vote Here!

... at your own risk.

The Chairman of the Board regrets any malfunction, inaccuracies, gas leaks, explosions, big bangs and whatever else that may happen when you vote.

Poll has an error margin of +/-110%

Vandoofus Prize Under Investigation

HOLLYWOOD, California -- Strong public opinion and outrage are growing at an alarming rate, as the organizers of the controversial Vandoofus Prize are yet to name a winning entry and photographer. The 31st December 2005 closing date is now a good two weeks behind us, and there is absolutley no news from the Board of Buffoons that ran the competition. St.Vandoofus himself is absconding, allegedly with the as yet undisclosed prizes that were to be offered for winning entries.

There is speculation that St.Vandoofus has planned to take prints of the submissions and sell them on the streets of New York City. The high quality works of art are a virtual goldmine to someone looking to make a business out of them.

The entire competition is now being watched closely by law enforcement agencies and St.Vandoofus' movements are reportedly being tracked by Interpol. It is speculated that Doofy will soon make the FBI's most wanted list.

Contestants and the general public alike wait in utter disappointment and disgust to see what will transpire in what has now been quoted to be the biggest online fraud in recent history...

Avro Vandoofus A

Avro Vandoofus A (Copyright © 2005 Vandoofus)




Avro Vandoofus A Oops (Copyright © 2005 Vandoofus)

Avro Vulcan B2

Avro Vulcan B2 (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

DUXFORD, United Kingdom -- An Avro Vulcan B2 bomber parked at the Imperial War Museum in Duxford.

Entering service in 1960, the Vulcan B2 was powered by four Rolls-Royce Olympus 301 engines, each delivering 20,000 lbs (89 kN) of thrust. The aircraft was part of the British nuclear deterrent, designed to carry Blue Danube, Yellow Sun and Red Beard nuclear bombs.

The Olympus 301 jet engines used on the Vulcan were the precursors of the Rolls-Royce/Snecma Olympus 593 engines developed for the Concorde. The 593 was first test flown attached to the underside of a Vulcan bomber in 1966.

Captured on 15^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and a resultant shutter speed of a millisecond. 

Warning to Professor Gordon

Engine Number 1 of Golf Delta November (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

DUXFORD, United Kingdom -- Unmistakable bragging rights painted on the left outer engine cowling of British Pre-Production Concorde 101 (G-AXDN), now retired at the Imperial War Museum at Duxford.

Kahuna would be happy to demonstrate the 38,050 lbs (170 kN) thrust of the Olympus 593 engine while on afterburner, with the False Prophet tied to the engine nozzle (for decorative purposes).

Golf Delta November first flew on December 17^th 1971 and holds the speed record for fastest east-west Atlantic crossing by a commercial aircraft (2 hrs 56 mins) as well as the fastest east-west crossing of the continental United States (4 hrs 43 mins). It has clocked 168 supersonic flights and a top speed of Mach 2.23.

Captured on 15^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/4) and a resultant shutter speed of 1/80^th of a second. More exterior and interior photographs available on request. 

Ode to "Kahuna"

Kahuna

NEW JERSEY, USA -- A striking resemblance to "Big Kahuna" poses at a farm in New Jersey. Sony Cybershot DSC-P2, EXIF available on request.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 13

Darth Teddy seems to have an ear fetish. It’s like how I like women with big breasts. He seems to like men with big ears.

- St Vandoofus, analyzing Darth Teddy’s excessive interest in his ears.

I have a semi-nude of [Gordon]... Will that do?

- Bartus Maximus, querying the entry requirements for the Vandoofus Prize.

My god, drink something healthy. That stuff is too strong for you. It might bake you for life!

- The Regulator on hearing Kahuna’s intent to consume green tea.

I am disadvantaged by the bogus bandwidth at this end.

- Gordon, on being obstructed from participating in the Vandoofus Prize by Hans[a]’s network.

As a regulator, I knock people off for even mentioning VoIP.

- The Regulator, explaining her belief that long-distance voice should be limited to two tin cans and a piece of string.

In [a] banana republic, it’s considered highly democratic.

- The Regulator, justifying her policy of bumping off policy violators.

Always waste other peoples’ bandwidth.

- Kahuna’s Doctrine of Hogging Other People’s Bandwidth, better known as The Pipe is Always Bigger on the Other Subnet.

I have subcontracted DHL.

- Gordon, on being asked if he intends to do the rounds on Christmas Eve.

Would you prefer Sri Lanka Post then?

- Gordon, retaliating on being taken to task for outsourcing his delivery operation on Christmas Eve.

All my emissions are.

- Bartus Maximus, on being asked if his breath was still flammable after another night of excess.

Ho ho ho. Happy now?

- Gordon, on being told he was sorely lacking the Christmas spirit.

You'll be the death of me, I tell you.

- Gordon to Kahuna, on being told that images of GITT were indexed by Yahoo.

Who cares what sardines and [oxen] think?

- St Vandoofus, on being told about possible non-compliance with the Sarbanes-Oxley Act.

The title is obscene.

- Gordon, attempting to pass judgement on The Captain’s Rod in terms of Miller v. California, 413 U.S. 15 (1973).

He's piss drunk.

- Confucius, reporting on the intoxicated status of St Vandoofus.

Hang on, my sarong just [fell off].

- Gordon, declaring an unscheduled disrobe event during a telephone conversation with Kahuna.

Yes, it just fell off.

- Gordon, confirming that the wardrobe malfunction did indeed take place without an external stimulus.

Welcome to the communist party. To make a donation, press 1. For a general strike, press 2. For a revolution, press 3. For democratic reforms, please hang up.

- Kahuna, hypothesising the communist party’s voice response system.

And you thought outsourcing to Asia was the solution?

- Kahuna to St Vandoofus, on being asked to post His Holiness’s photographs to the Circus.

ARGGGGH! Thief!

- The Monster, responding to a confiscate(xbox) instruction issued by Kahuna.

And you believe this will provide all the answers?

- Kahuna to the Monster, on learning of the latter’s plan to watch What Women Want.

Can't use my personal time to do personal things.

- St Vandoofus, making himself at home during work.

Best Wishes for the New Year

Light to Thy Path (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

Wind to thy wings.  Light to thy path.  Dreams to thy heart.

- Anonymous

MOUNT LAVINIA, Sri Lanka -- A candle floating on water in a glass vessel heralds the approaching new year in the Garden of Huggles. The Circus wishes all clowns an exceptional 2006.

Captured two hours before midnight with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/4) and resultant shutter speed of 1/8^th of a second.