Unquotable Quotes - Part 13

Darth Teddy seems to have an ear fetish. It’s like how I like women with big breasts. He seems to like men with big ears.

- St Vandoofus, analyzing Darth Teddy’s excessive interest in his ears.

I have a semi-nude of [Gordon]... Will that do?

- Bartus Maximus, querying the entry requirements for the Vandoofus Prize.

My god, drink something healthy. That stuff is too strong for you. It might bake you for life!

- The Regulator on hearing Kahuna’s intent to consume green tea.

I am disadvantaged by the bogus bandwidth at this end.

- Gordon, on being obstructed from participating in the Vandoofus Prize by Hans[a]’s network.

As a regulator, I knock people off for even mentioning VoIP.

- The Regulator, explaining her belief that long-distance voice should be limited to two tin cans and a piece of string.

In [a] banana republic, it’s considered highly democratic.

- The Regulator, justifying her policy of bumping off policy violators.

Always waste other peoples’ bandwidth.

- Kahuna’s Doctrine of Hogging Other People’s Bandwidth, better known as The Pipe is Always Bigger on the Other Subnet.

I have subcontracted DHL.

- Gordon, on being asked if he intends to do the rounds on Christmas Eve.

Would you prefer Sri Lanka Post then?

- Gordon, retaliating on being taken to task for outsourcing his delivery operation on Christmas Eve.

All my emissions are.

- Bartus Maximus, on being asked if his breath was still flammable after another night of excess.

Ho ho ho. Happy now?

- Gordon, on being told he was sorely lacking the Christmas spirit.

You'll be the death of me, I tell you.

- Gordon to Kahuna, on being told that images of GITT were indexed by Yahoo.

Who cares what sardines and [oxen] think?

- St Vandoofus, on being told about possible non-compliance with the Sarbanes-Oxley Act.

The title is obscene.

- Gordon, attempting to pass judgement on The Captain’s Rod in terms of Miller v. California, 413 U.S. 15 (1973).

He's piss drunk.

- Confucius, reporting on the intoxicated status of St Vandoofus.

Hang on, my sarong just [fell off].

- Gordon, declaring an unscheduled disrobe event during a telephone conversation with Kahuna.

Yes, it just fell off.

- Gordon, confirming that the wardrobe malfunction did indeed take place without an external stimulus.

Welcome to the communist party. To make a donation, press 1. For a general strike, press 2. For a revolution, press 3. For democratic reforms, please hang up.

- Kahuna, hypothesising the communist party’s voice response system.

And you thought outsourcing to Asia was the solution?

- Kahuna to St Vandoofus, on being asked to post His Holiness’s photographs to the Circus.

ARGGGGH! Thief!

- The Monster, responding to a confiscate(xbox) instruction issued by Kahuna.

And you believe this will provide all the answers?

- Kahuna to the Monster, on learning of the latter’s plan to watch What Women Want.

Can't use my personal time to do personal things.

- St Vandoofus, making himself at home during work.