Light and Shadow

Light and Shadow (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- An ornate brass lampshade generates a complex interference pattern on the far wall demonstrating the wave nature of light.

Captured on 22^nd July 2006 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF-S 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6 II) on shutter priority (1/80^th of a second) and a resultant aperture of f/5.6. 

The Kahuna Identity

The Kahuna Identity (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- Part of Kahuna's controversial registration plates that have had the dubious honor of attracting considerable blasphemy even before this post was completely published.

Captured on 16^th July 2006 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF-S 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6 II) on aperture priority (f/5.6) and a resultant shutter speed of 1/100^th of a second. 

Jet-Powered Volkswagen Beetle

SUNNYVALE, California Republic -- Massive buffoonery was discovered while prowling over the Internet using StumbleUpon. In this case, it was Ron Patrick's Volkswagen Beetle souped up to 1,350 hp with the inclusion of a jet engine. That's right, a General Electric T58 turboshaft engine meant for a helicopter. Read all about it here.

All this appears to be legal in the California Republic. And we thought Professor Gordon and his GITT Mk III was bad enough...

Unquotable Quotes - Part 24

Ah, I haven’t made a cake in years. Not since when I was in Sri Lanka. I made a cake for [the Confucius’s], but unfortunately it came out harder than rock.

- The Regulator, recollecting her early dabbling in culinary petrology.

Did you include Portland cement as a binding agent?

- Kahuna, launching an investigation into the Regulator’s cake mix.

It could have easily been used to globber someone – someone like you.

- The Regulator to Kahuna, proposing alternative use of her rock cake.

Clearly you were unable to follow a short recipe.

- Kahuna, taking the Regulator to task for bungling a cake recipe.

The best parts of learning are the stains.

- Darth Teddy’s Messy Knowledge Hypothesis.

I control the bananas in this republic.

- The Regulator, establishing her substantial credentials.

I'm off to a meeting – and to make more enemies.

- The Regulator, on what she does well.

It’s criminal to start a meeting at 0815.

- The Regulator, on the legitimacy of untimely assembly.

Plus there are people here who'll be happy to kill me, mostly the operators.

- The Regulator, justifying her reasons to have a short vacation.

My hand still hurts.

- Vandoofus, reporting a suspicious repetitive strain injury.

No, my balls are not ready to be pawned yet.

- Darth Teddy, declining to dine with Kahuna at the Hilton.

Mothers get along with me.

- Darth Teddy’s Mrs. Robinson Principle.

Isn’t it strange that flights operate 24 hours and ticketing offices don’t?

- Gordon’s Confounded Air Travel Oddity.

Can you help me find the Great Wall?

- Vandoofus, lost in China while Google sightseeing.

You might see some ice cream vans parked near the beach.

- The Regulator, announcing her banana republic’s response to B-52s parked at Diego Garcia.

Banana ice cream which almost tastes like Chunky Monkey^® is a definite threat.

- The Regulator, disclosing the threat level of her ice cream vans to Kahuna.

A Vermonster will settle your hash.

- Kahuna, proposing to deal with the Regulator using twenty scoops of ice cream, ten scoops of chopped walnuts, four ladles of hot fudge, four bananas, three cookies, two scoops each of four toppings, a fudge brownie and whipped cream.

I thought I was fairly docile this time.

- Darth Teddy’s Docile Teddy Hypothesis.

You don’t have a docile bone in your body.

- Kahuna’s Anatomical Retort to Darth Teddy’s Docile Teddy Hypothesis.

UQ would be a total failure if it weren't for my selfless contributions.

- Darth Teddy’s Teddycentric Theory of Unquotable Quotation.

I will maroon you on a lonely planet if you’re not careful.

- Kahuna, charting a rough guide to Darth Teddy’s future.

If it ain’t in Wikipedia it didn't happen.

- Vandoofus, disputing Kahuna’s interpretation of Custer’s Last Stand as being when Lt. Col. George Armstrong Custer tried to stand and Sitting Bull made him sit.

How do I fix my cabinet file?

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, having bungled an installation of MSN Messenger.

You must hold a cabinet meeting.

- Kahuna to Vandoofus, having pored over to the Book of Apocryphal Solutions.

I’m now a lead [sheep]^[1] with subordinates.

- Darth Teddy, establishing his flock.

Are you suggesting you are some form of wide-area border collie^[2]?

- Kahuna, giving Darth Teddy the benefit of the doubt regarding his herding instinct.

Not to mention a case of prowling bear, hidden anaconda.

- Kahuna, taking a dim view of Darth Teddy’s modus operandi.

I think it’s a personal best.

- Vandoofus, on sleeping in from 8pm to 8am.

Yeah, he was completely baffled.

- The Regulator to Kahuna, on the outcome of her anonymous nuisance call to Darth Teddy.

Yes later I did, while he was vehemently denying that he booked a seat to fly out of Colombo I had to laugh.

- The Regulator to Kahuna, on being asked if she revealed her identity to Darth Teddy.

^[1] Darth Teddy made a sheep sound (in a Bernisdale dialect) at this juncture.

^[2] As an interesting aside, the Wikepedia has this to say: Border Collies are extremely energetic and require a lot of attention. They are better off in a household that can provide them with plenty of exercise and a job to do. Like most herding breeds, they will attempt to herd family members, cats, squirrels, bicycles, cars, or anything else that moves in the absence of other charges.

Mrs. Robinson

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
We'd like to help you learn to help yourself
Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
It's a little secret, just the Robinsons' affair
Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids

Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mrs Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
Going to the candidates debate
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got to choose
Ev'ry way you look at it, you lose

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you (Woo, woo, woo)
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson
Joltin' Joe has left and gone away
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

- Mrs. Robinson, Simon and Garfunkel (Bookends, 1968).

First heard as snippets of incidental music in the 1967 movie The Graduate, the full version of the song was written by Paul Simon after the movie and the music gained popularity^[1]. It spent three weeks at the top of the Billboard Hot 100 in June 1968. The references to Joe DiMaggio are believed to be the most memorable lines of the song.

The day after DiMaggio's death in March 1999, Paul Simon wrote an editorial in the New York Times entitled The Silent Superstar, explaining that the reference to DiMaggio was meant as a sincere tribute to his unpretentious heroic stature, in a time when popular culture magnifies and distorts how we perceive our heroes^[1]. Simon ended by writing:

In these days of Presidential transgressions and apologies and prime-time interviews about private sexual matters, we grieve for Joe DiMaggio and mourn the loss of his grace and dignity, his fierce sense of privacy, his fidelity to the memory of his wife and the power of his silence.

^[1] Mrs. Robinson, Wikipedia.