— Kahuna, expressing great annoyance with Gordon's new HTC Touch mobile phone.
Now's your chance to pee in it.
— Darth Teddy, advocating pollution on hearing of Kahuna cruising along the Nile.
Your vociferous nature is directly proportional to the square of your distance from me.
— Kahuna's Vocal Teddy Principle.
On the jam-packed flight to New York as people shuffled past to the back, the lady behind me tells her neighbor, "It's like trying to get twenty clowns into a Volkswagen."
— Gordon to Kahuna, reporting of being made party to an involuntary circus.
We have just finished boarding and the aircraft doors are now closed. If your destination was not Atlanta, it is now.
— A flight attendant on Gordon's flight back from New York, sealing his fate.
By the same logic, I feel vindicated regarding naming your blimp Fat One.
— Kahuna to Gordon, noting that the Pope's flight was designated Shepherd One.
Have they already identified you as a threat?
— Darth Teddy, learning of Kahuna being provided an armed escort in Egypt.
Possibly; there's a clown with a semi-automatic weapon in front of me.
— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, reporting of security measures en route to Abu Simbel.
I'm making the down-payment on his pyramid.
— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, learning that He was being sought by Gordon.
You don't appear impressed by these disclosures.
— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, on receiving a lukewarm response to a routine status report from Egypt.
Unless you disclose that you have a belly dancer at your disposal, you would be right.
— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, setting minimum mandatory standards for reporting.
Have you disrobed it and had your way?
— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on learning of a belated appearance by the belly dancer.
Of course not; that would be your department. However, there wasn't much to disrobe.
— Kahuna, declining to encroach upon Darth Teddy's humping grounds whilst reporting that the minimum mandatory clothing requirement had been met, barely.
I will also be casting astrologers, soothsayers and assorted mystics out to sea.
— Kahuna's Mystical Maritime Strategy.
You will cast them without a compass.
— Darth Teddy's Directionless Corollary to Kahuna's Mystical Maritime Strategy.
Do you remember my Skype ID?
— Gordon to Kahuna, in the midst of yet another identity crisis.
Medical leave? Were you bitten by Darth Teddy?
— Kahuna, fearing the worst upon hearing of Fluke being indisposed.
Hogwash! It is merely a viral infection, nothing more; and you will do well to keep the Cuddly One out of this.
— Fluke, in his own defense.
A virus? What kind of self-respecting virus would wish to infect you? This won't look good on its resume you know.
— Kahuna, voicing concerns over Fluke's viral infection.
Cuddly One? Since when did you get upgraded to CO? You were the Allegedly Cuddly One last time I checked.
— Kahuna, discovering Darth Teddy's use of unapproved titles.
I've put in a good word for you with Osiris.
— Kahuna to Fluke, outlining a deadly agenda.
Why is your avatar in the shower?
— Kahuna, finding the Monster's avatar on Yahoo engaged in ablutions.
Do you always have your shower with a towel on?
— Kahuna to the Monster, questioning the need for a towel while the water was running.
And then there was the recruiter who said my resume was impressive because it was in PDF.
— Gordon's Portable Resume Hypothesis.
I will send a resume carved in marble to take care of them.
— Kahuna's Metamorphic Limestone Obstruction to Gordon's Portable Resume Hypothesis.
Once you get on, it's hard to get off.
— Darth Teddy's Mounting Teddy Hypothesis.
On account of being the largest clown present?
— Gordon, learning of Kahuna wearing a Santa hat at a Christmas party.
Did you set fire to the Duck's office?
— Kahuna to Gordon, noting a fire in the offices of US Vice President Richard B 'Duck' Cheney.
The Duck was probably having a bonfire.
— Gordon to Kahuna, downplaying the incident as routine.
Ah yes, the CIA tapes; it all fits now.
— Kahuna to Gordon, attempting to implicate the Duck in sensitive tapes destroyed by the CIA.
Your obsession with pi is noted by Rachel Ray.
— Gordon to Kahuna, on being told of the failed Indiana Pi Bill which would have legislated the value of pi to 3.2.
I will thump you with a natural logarithm if you start to get approximate with me.
— Kahuna, taking exception with Gordon's cavalier, but highly rational attitude towards pi.
I wonder if whatever I fabricate is automatically backward integrated into history?
— Kahuna to Gordon, pondering the existence of an Ebenezer Gordon in the 19th century who also happened to be engaged in the photography trade.
So you finally admit to fabrication?
— Gordon, attempting at long last to bring Kahuna to book for falsifying the historical record.
Nonsense, you can see photographic evidence now.
— Kahuna, in his own defense.
Yes, your competitive sporting escapades are well known across Europe.
— Kahuna, taking a dubious view about Darth Teddy's unsupervised activities across the continent.
I will push you off the Aswan High Dam if you continue this line of discussion.
— Kahuna's Rapid Decent Method of Conflict Resolution.
I will name you as the architect of the Three Gorges Dam and airdrop you in the midst of a resettled village.
— Gordon's Damned Unpopular Architect Defense to Kahuna's Rapid Decent Method of Conflict Resolution.
You will find yourself tied to the Ahmedinejad's reactor when the airstrikes start.
— Kahuna's Strong Nuclear Force Option for Misguided Ariel Bombardment.
Who on Earth would want to hire you?
— Gordon's Terrestrial Recruitment Conundrum.
Anyone who wants a spanner in the works.
— Kahuna's Monkeywrench Solution to Gordon's Terrestrial Recruitment Conundrum.
Your considerable girth and personal gravitational field ought to be enough to sway any jury.
— Kahuna, on establishing Gordon's Santa Identity.
This would explain the reindeer picketing.
— Kahuna, learning that Gordon would be outsourcing his Christmas deliveries.
Given its architectural skills, the edifice will collapse on its own accord.
— Kahuna to Gordon, expressing a structurally unsound view of an idiot architect.
I will shoot the inventors of these screwdrivers.
— Kahuna to Gordon, expressing grave annoyance with non-standard screw heads led by the quasi-bogus Tri-Wing design.
