The Kahuna-Gordon Messages: Part 27 - A Dance to a Different Tuna

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- Sometime in the murky depths of the past, Kahuna and Professor Gordon began bickering about SQL and ended up in a watery misadventure, the transcript of which is presented below in evidence:

Gordon (G): Are you handy with SQL?

Kahuna (K): !@$@#$@#$ Do I look like E F Codd? X-(

G: No you look like a cod, but that's a different story by Seven Seas.

K: You're packing the omega-3 fatty acids aren't you?

G: I'll whack you with a pike if you dont watch it.

K: This is not the time and plaice for this X-(

G: There's no need for roe comments X-(

K: You're fishing in troubled waters, I tell you X-(

G: I'm not falling for that bait X-(

G: This whole conversation stinks.

K: You've already swallowed it hook, line and sinker if you ask me.

G: You'll need a shark cage to protect you when I get my hands on you X-(

K: You might have to evolve fins first by Darwin X-(

G: Actually, I'll use the hammer-head approach.

K: A swordfish attack in the rear will change your tune X-(

G: I'm not going to dance to your tuna X-(

K: There's no need to whale about this.

G: You're the one spawning animosity X-(

K: And you're trawling for any dirt you can get X-(

G: Nonsense, I'm swimming against the tide to avoid conflict X-(

K: You're out of your depth here, give up.

G: On the contrary, you've sunken to an all-time low.

K: Keeping you afloat has certainly taken its toll X-(

G: Look who's talking, you're driving me to the drink X-(

K: You should be in Davy Jones's Locker X-(

G: And you should be on the menu at Joe's Crab Shack X-(

K: Unlike the cockles and mussels mentioned in that song^[1], you won't be alive when I'm through with you X-(

G: I'll plot with your mother to get you married off to that woman renowned for selling seashells by the seashore^[2] X-(

K: I'd prefer C Shells myself, thank you X-(

G: I'll put you on exhibit at Sea World if you don't watch it.

K: You're as persistent as a barnacle X-(

G: This conversation is getting quite stale :-l

K: It's gotten quite rotten by Unhygienix.

G: And it started with E F Codd :-L

K: By you X(

G: Nonsense, you brought Codd into the equation in response to a simple query (pun intended) X-(

K: I will have you tied up in an outer join X-(

G: You won't have a boy scout around to save your ass when the goons arrive. 

On that admittedly incongruent note, we must cast off.  Tune in next time when Gordon recounts of the hunt for Red October in his bathtub.

^[1] "Molly Malone," also known as "Cockles and Mussels," the unofficial anthem of Dublin, Ireland.
^[2] Fossil collector and paleontologist Mary Anning, the basis for Terry Sullivan's 1908 tongue twister, "She sells seashells."