Buggered by Baguette

GENEVA, Switzerland -- Outright buffoonery was uncovered last week when the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) experienced a cryogenics failure in two sectors due to a sudden loss of electrical power. It turned out to be anything but an ordinary short circuit. The root cause? A piece of crusty baguette dropped strategically onto a busbar in an outdoor power substation, allegedly by some species of bird^[1][2][3].

This would appear to be the first recorded instance of a precision aerial baguette strike causing a blackout.  The LHC had not been in operation at the time and repairs have been already completed at the time of blogging.

Some experts have cautioned that the bird in question might not have acted alone. Speaking to KNN shortly after the incident became public, Kahuna said that he suspected fowl play and implicated well-known volumetric ornithologist Professor Ebenezer Gordon. Kahuna dismissed the possibility of a random bird-bread strike, arguing that the bird in question would not have known where to drop the baguette had it not been professionally trained. He added that the precise mass of the baguette would also have had to be carefully calibrated taking into account the payload of the bird and the minimum mass required to cause an electrical fire.  Kahuna charged that Gordon would have been well-placed to carry out this act of sabotage given his vast expertise in volumetric ornithology including published research on pelicans (Pelecanus spp.) He pointed out, however, that Gordon would have employed a smaller, more maneuverable bird such as a myna (Acridotheres spp.) in this instance.

When questioned about the possible motive behind the incident, Kahuna said that Gordon may have been trying to cause a magnet quench when the LHC was operating at full power.  He explained that this would have caused an uncontrolled dissipation of several megawatts of beam energy causing considerable damage should the quench protection system be unable to dump the beam safely.  This, he said would allow Gordon to promote the Very Small Hadron Collider (VSHC) constructed in his basement as a viable alternative in the search for the Higgs boson.

Kahuna also speculated that Gordon might have been attempting to discover the baguettino, the hitherto undiscovered fundamental particle that is thought to make up baguettes. 

Gordon was unavailable for comment on Kahuna's latest allegations.  Nonetheless, a French bakery trade union took offense at some of Kahuna's insinuations, calling them half-baked.

^[1] “Large Hadron Collider scuttled by birdy baguette-bomber.” The Register.
^[2] “Large Hadron Collider stalled again... thanks to chunk of baguette.” Times Online.
^[3] “LHC 'bird-bread' strike.” CERN.