If You Proceed Further Downwards

RATMALANA, Sri Lanka -- If given the opportunity for you to look further down from the Angel of Christian Charity, just a tad above hell, you will have a clear view of the Angel of the Dark Side. A stunning combination indeed.

Teddy Denies Allegations and Sheds More Light

RATMALANA, Sri Lanka -- Curious as to the reactions of DT after these ludicrous allegations by Kahunna (Darth) one of our star reporters at BNN, S. D. Dog has gone to great lengths to catch up with DT (mostly because the distance was a straight line). Through Teddy's responses to our obvious questions such as "What is your view on these rubbish accusations made by Kahuna (Darth)?" we learned that it was indeed Kahuna (Darth) that initiated connections with one dubious character called Inter Net and begged DT to make the so called reservations without having the IQ to primarily find out where the location was (eg: Left, Right or the Middle of Nowhere).

It must clearly be noted that all bookings undertaken when Kahuna (Darth) was not in receptive mood were made to perfection by DT with no complications whatsoever. Kahuna's non-receptive moods can also be defined as "Hossa Langin Massa Yanna Baa" which in laymans refers to ones chin and a common house fly. This behaviour we at BNN have defined as Class DC which means DamnChildish.

Speaking of "Baa", peaceful residents at Bernisdale (no, not the cats) also had a terrible shock when they happened to open their front door and saw a strange individual , namely Kahuna (Darth), trying to communicate with their pet sheep. This was indeed disturbing as an eyewitness said that it seemed like Kahuna (Darth) was attempting to coax one of the pet sheep to hand over its bone that it was burying in the back garden for use later on. It must be said that these reports are far from unconfirmed.

This is all DT was willing to share with us today and I believe we should thank him for clearing out the bogosities put forward by Kahuna (Darth). Thats it from me S. D. Dog and I will be back soon with more startling reports of the Caledonian Whatumaycallit. I wish you a not too baaaaaa ...d day.

And now for the weather with Ms. F. T. Cat ...

USPS Stamps Out Gordon

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia -- In a surprising move, the United States Postal Service (USPS) has issued a commemorative stamp featuring Dr Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker as part of a collection in honor of Jim Henson and the Muppets.

It is believed that this latest move was calculated to snub Professor Gordon who was trounced by the duo to become the UK's top scientists last year. Adding insult to injury, even the Swedish Chef and a chicken made it to the collection.

Experts mused that a hidden hand (possibly gloved) may be behind these latest attempts to discredit Gordon. The latex evidence, they said, points to Gordon's arch rival, Maximillian Bartus.

Gordon was not available for comment.

The Angel of Christian Charity

The Angel of Christian Charity popularly known as Eros, atop the Shaftesbury Memorial fountain at Picadilly Circus (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

Kahuna Accuses Darth Teddy of Bernisdale Fiasco

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- While there appears to have been a minor lexical anomaly in His previous post due to a keyboard malfunction, Kahuna would like to remind the Bear that the Bear, the whole Bear and nothing but the Bear is solely responsible for the Bernisdale^[1] fiasco.

Who, might we ask, booked us into the treacherous, cat-infested lair of Dorothy? It must also be pointed out that the Bear was far from apologetic when confronted by the huge sheep-sized cats in person.

More on this sordid topic will be exposed later.

^[1] Located on the Isle of Skye, about ten miles from Portree—essentially, in the middle of nowhere. Unremarkably, the name appears to be Old Norse for Bjorn’s Dale. Who Bjorn was and why in particular he occupied an entire dale is not known.

Darth Teddy will Shed Light, for a Price

RATMALANA, Sri Lanka -- We caught up with DT earlier today and he told us that he is indeed able to provide and insight as to why the clown formerly known as Kahuna (Big) has joined the dark side. However this will only be done at a price said the cuddly Bear with bids starting at 25 cuddles.

Also DT would like to apologize to the cats at Bernisdale for DK's apparent deterioration in spelling abilities in regard to their residency.

And now for the weather with Ms. Summer Lovin...

Kahuna Returns, Confirms Dark Deeds

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- In a press conference held a short while ago, Kahuna announced that He had returned from His joint Caledonian Expedition with the supposedly cuddly Darth Teddy. Kahuna also confirmed reports that He had joined the Dark Side and would now be known as Darth Kahuna. He declined to provide reasons for this shocking revelation, but promised to bring to light details of the expedition in the weeks to come. This is widely expected to involve a hunt for the Loch Ness Monster and a harrowing escape from the cat-infested desolation of Bernicedale.

Analysts were quick to welcome the move and pointed out that regular blog features such as mud slinging at Professor Gordon, could also be expected to resume in the near future.

Return of the Teddy (Rhymes with Jedi)

RATMALANA, Sri Lanka -- There have been rumours floating around in the past week that the infamous world traveller, none other than the Teddybear has arrived back in his native land. Rumour also has it that the Bear's arrival has been greeted by a mixture of open arms and evasive action. Well most of you will be thrilled to know that these rumours are a rumour no more but infact very true. We at BNN caught up with the Bear who by the way now answers to the name Darth Teddy following his recent transition to the dark side to take up duties as Angel of the Dark Side. The reason for this transition is still not known in detail, however a fresh set of rumours suggest a Geisha Girl of tritonian proportions may have groundbreaking answers to this very question. On questioning DT regarding this matter a strange reference to the oldie Any Dream Will Do and the popular flick Austin Powers: Goldmember were made. We are still unable to decrypt this comment and might have to refer it to the TRANSLTR [Digital Fortress] in order to get a clearer image.

However, DT also spoke briefly on his tour of England and Scotland with one Kahuna (Big) and stated that this was a most enjoyable two weeks. He was also thrilled with the fact that during these two weeks he was able to convert Kahuna (Big) to the dark side. More of this later on in the week. We also had unconfirmed reports that another member of the Circus had also made a transiton to the dark side, although a more conservative one. Information on this will be broadcast as soon as we have hard evidence, no pun intended.

DT has promised us that he will provide BNN with another exclusive interview on his exploits during his travels and also of his two week long tour with on Kahuna (Big). Certains points of this tour might be backed up with photographic evidence we hear, yummy... (clears throat) ... pardon me.

Also, we must warn you that there have been confirmed reports of escaped convicts that have seen prowling around Colombo. We strongly suggest that you go downstairs, lock all your doors and please always check under your bed before going to sleep at night. However to put your mind at rest a little the recent trend has been that these convicts have thus far only tried to gain access to Geisha girls which to be honest has apparently been a piece of cake.

Thats all for now, we shall be bringing you more exclusive interviews with Darth Teddy in the days and weeks to come.

And now for the weather with Ms. H.T. Unda-Da Colla...

The Sound of Silence...

Is it that the Circus is under arrest and has the Constitutional right to remain silent where anything it publishes can be held against it?

Or

Has the Circus Maximus been burnt down!!?