The Kahuna-Gordon Messages: Part 7 - The Unfinished Symphony

MEMPHIS, Tennessee -- A short while ago, Kahuna and Professor Gordon unleashed their magnum opus, the Unfinished Symphony, upon a completely unsuspecting planet. This latest masterpiece, composed during a single marathon session, trespasses upon hitherto uncharted, but nevertheless sublime heights of buffoonery.

The Board of Buffoons has rated the following material as DB (Disturbing Buffoonery). Readers are advised to proceed with caution:

Kahuna : You’re delaying my sleep by Bob Marley X-(
Gordon : :-P
Gordon : Are You Lonesome Tonight by Elvis? X-(
Kahuna : Four Walls should keep you contained by Jim
         Reeves.
Gordon : You should be singing the Jailhouse Rock, 
         again by Elvis.
Kahuna : I will do it My Way by Frank Sinatra X-(
Gordon : Why? by Annie Lennox.
[Considerable pause]
Gordon : Ah, The Sound Of Silence by Simon and 
         Garfunkel X-(
Kahuna : Some Distant Drums will sort you out 
         by Jim Reeves.
Gordon : A night with Mrs Robinson may relieve your 
         frustrations by Simon and Garfunkel.
Gordon : You might even get Great Balls Of Fire by 
         Jerry Lee Lewis :-P
Kahuna : And an Uptown Girl may well relieve yours by 
         Billy Joel X-(
Kahuna : Not to mention The Lady In Red by Chris de 
         Burgh.
Gordon : You'll need a Black Magic Woman by Carlos 
         Santana to get that thing up =))
Gordon : GUFFAW
Kahuna : And yours may need to be Together in Electric
         Dreams for assistance by the Human League :-P
Gordon : Beats Living with a Hernia by Weird Al 
         Yankovich X-(
Kahuna : St Elmo's Fire will put an end to your whining 
         by John Parr X-(
Gordon : You propose to continue this All Night Long by 
         Lionel Richie?
Kahuna : Indeed, I Won't Forget You by Jim Reeves X-(
Gordon : Just Beat It! by Michael Jackson X-(
Kahuna : You'll end up dead on the Banks Of The Ohio if
         you're not careful by Olivia Newton-John X-(
Gordon : And you in the depths of the Blue Bayou by 
         Linda Ronstadt.
Kahuna : You're So Vain by Carly Simon X-(
Gordon : Bah, We've Only Just Begun by the Carpenters.
Gordon : When I'm done with you you'll be singing My 
         Sweet Lord by so many clowns that I've lost 
         count.
Kahuna : My Friend The Wind will blow from the east and 
         settle your hash by Demis Roussos.
Kahuna : You'll be Under The Sea by Disney's Little 
         Mermaid X-(
Gordon : Have you quite finished your symphony by 
         Schubert? X-(
Kahuna : Wild Child by Enya X-(
Gordon : Ah Shaddapayaface by Joe Dolce X-(
Kahuna : Am I Loosing You by Jim Reeves? X-(
Gordon : Just have Faith by George Michael X-(
Kahuna : Somewhere Over The Rainbow by Judy Garland? 
         X-(
Gordon : No, down the Country Roads by John Denver
Kahuna : This is becoming a Neverending Story by 
         Limahl X-(
Gordon : Baby Don't Cry by 2Pac :-P
Gordon : Don't Dream it’s over by Sixpence None the
         Richer.
Kahuna : You're lamenting about what Could've Been by 
         Mandy Moore X-(
Gordon : On the contrary, I was doing fine All By 
         Myself by Celine Dion.
Kahuna : You're getting Swept Away by Yanni X-(
Gordon : Nonsense, merely Sailing by Roderick Stewart.
Kahuna : More like Drowning by the Backstreet Boys.
Gordon : Every Little Thing You Do is annoying by 
         Westlife X-(
Gordon : This could go on Until The End Of Time by 
         Westlife X-(
Kahuna : I can Send In The Clowns to break it up by 
         Barbara Streisand X-(
Gordon : Quite the Unchained Melody by the Righteous 
         Brothers.
Gordon : Are we in The Final Countdown by Europe? X-(
Kahuna : You’re Lost In A Dream by Demis Roussos.
Gordon : You’d better watch it: I Shot The Sheriff 
         (by Eric Clapton) and I wouldn’t hesitate to 
         do you in.
Kahuna : Help Me Rhonda by the Beach Boys X-(
Gordon : Are you Falling by Alicia Keys?
Kahuna : I'm Flying by Chris de Burgh :-P
Gordon : You're probably just High by the Lighthouse 
         Family X-(
Kahuna : No doubt you're Waiting For A Star To Fall 
         by Boy Meets Girl X-(
Gordon : When I'm done with you you'll be seeing Stars
         by Simply Red.
Kahuna : I suspected you were trying to Paint The Sky
         with Stars by Enya X-(
Gordon : And this conflicts with your plans of 
         Moonlighting by Leo Sayer, I suppose?
Kahuna : Your Seasons In The Sun are over by Terry 
         Jacks X-(
Gordon : Nonsense, the Four Seasons are clearly still 
         in session, and we're currently at Autumn by
         Antonio Vivaldi.
Kahuna : I will arrange for the Snows Of New York to 
         be diverted over your seat by Chris de Burgh.
Gordon : Oh and I suppose you'll arrange Purple Rain 
         as well by the idiot formerly known as 
         Prince? X-(
Kahuna : No, but November Rain is just around the 
         corner by Guns N' Roses.
Gordon : You're gonna get thumped Come Rain or Come
         Shine by Billie Holiday.
Kahuna : I'm Stayin Alive by the Bee Gees X-(
Gordon : Given your inclinations, I bet you wish it 
         was Raining Men by Geri Halliwel :-P
Kahuna : Nonsense, I have a Picture Of You by 
         Boyzone =))
Gordon : =)) Your Time Has Come by Audioslave, The 
         End Is Near by Embrace X-(
Kahuna : The Anticipation is killing me by Carly 
         Simon X-(
Gordon : Would you rather someone was Killing Me 
         Softly by the Fugees? X-(
Kahuna : Indeed it will be a Celebration by Era
Gordon : You should be Frozen by Madonna X-(
Kahuna : I will Light The Fire Within by LeAnne 
         Rimes :-P
Gordon : Someone will eventually Put Out The Fire 
         by Queen :-P
Gordon : Everyone will know you're Guilty by the Bee
         Gees X-(
Gordon : Just Give It Up idiot by KC and the 
         Sunshine Band :-P
Kahuna : Not Until The Next Time by Jim Reeves :-P
Gordon : This is going towards the Edge of Forever 
         by Richard Marx.
Kahuna : I will get rid of you No Matter What by 
         Boyzone.
Gordon : I Don't Want You Back either, by the 
         Backstreet Boys.
Gordon : You'll be Crawling when I'm done with you 
         by Linkin Park :-P
Kahuna : And you'll be one with the Orinoco Flow 
         when I'm through by Enya X-(
Gordon : Nonsense, you're just a Nowhere Man by the 
         Beatles; who would listen to you? :-P
Gordon : You can't even Drive, by the Cars :-P
[Considerable pause]
Kahuna : You'll end up selling VCRs in Little Rock
         if you continue this line of thought by 
         Collin Raye X-(
Gordon : What Took You So Long by Emma Bunton? :-P
Kahuna : I was trying to Make The World Go Away by
         Jim Reeves X-(
Gordon : You should just Fly Away by the Black Eyed 
         Peas X-(
Kahuna : It's Too Late Now by Carol King.
Kahuna : BTBOTP it’s 3:00am X-(
Gordon : Heh heh :-P
Kahuna : X-(
Gordon : I warned you this could go on forever :-P
Gordon : It's 5:30pm here :-P
Kahuna : A nuisance call can be arranged at 2:00am 
         your time.
Gordon : We're Worlds Apart by Bruce Springsteen :-P
Gordon : We've Only Just Begun by the Carpenters :-P
Kahuna : It's Time To Say Goodbye by Andrea Bocelli 
         (featuring Sarah Brightman).
Gordon : Con Te Partiro?
Kahuna : Con Te Partiro.
Gordon : Would you like to move to Philadelphia by 
         Bruce Springsteen? :-P
Kahuna : I'd prefer Massachusetts by the Bee Gees.
Kahuna : I will arrange a Sogno if you're not careful
         by Andrea Bocelli X-(
Gordon : So it's Goodnight, Irene by Van Morrison?
Gordon : Keep this up another hour or two and you'll 
         find Morning Has Broken by Cat Stevens :-P
Kahuna : You're trying to steal The Last Moments Of 
         The Dawn by Chris de Burgh X-(
Gordon : Don't Go Away by Oasis.
Kahuna : You and your Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray 
         Cyrus X-(
Gordon : Nonsense, My Heart Will Go On irrespective 
         of your presence by Celine Dion X-(
Kahuna : You're Breaking My Heart by MLTR X-(
Gordon : You'll be singing I'm So Sleepy at work 
         tomorrow by Cat Stevens :-P
Gordon : Go 2 Sleep by Ludacris :-P
Gordon : The lyrics go: GO TO SLEEP, hoe to sleep, 
         GO TO SLEEP, hoe to sleep, IF YOU'RE TIRED
         BE QUIET AND GO TO SLEEP, hoe to sleep
Kahuna : Nonsense, You Needed Me by Boyzone :-P
Gordon : Nonsense, I never needed you, You Ain't 
         Nothing But A Hounddog by the Rolling 
         Stones :-P
Kahuna : I hope you like Life In A Northern Town when
         I send a transcript of this to your wife by
         The Dream Academy.
Gordon : Leave her alone, She's Taken by Billy Dean 
         X-(
Kahuna : All I Have To Do Is Dream by the Everly 
         Brothers :-P
Gordon : Will You Send Me the Pillow That You Dream 
         On as evidence by Dean Martin and numerous 
         other clowns? X-(
Kahuna : You'll Never Know by Jim Reeves
Gordon : Yeah right, Just Wait And You'll See by 
         Madonna X-(
Kahuna : Adios Amigo by Jim Reeves :-P
Gordon : Hasta Mañana till we meet again by Abba.
Kahuna : By The Rivers Of Babylon by Boney M? X-(
Gordon : I thought you preferred the Banks of the 
         Ohio by ON-J X-(
Kahuna : Let The River Run by Carly Simon X-(
Gordon : Get Lost! by Eric Clapton X-(
Kahuna : Tonight My Sleep Will Be Restless by 
         Alasdair Fraser & Paul Machlis X-(
Kahuna : It is now 3:20am, you have stolen another
         20 minutes BTBOTP.
Kahuna : I will now enter a sleep state X-(
Gordon : It's All Your Fault by Wild Orchid X-(
Gordon : This will go down in the record books 
         BTBOTP X-(
Kahuna : Indeed X-(
Kahuna : I should blog this X-(
Kahuna : This only proves that we are massive 
         clowns X-(
Gordon : I suspected this X-(
Kahuna : Would you rather I sent your wife a 
         copy? X-(
Gordon : Er no X-(
Kahuna : On that note I will abscond X-(
Gordon : Very well.
Gordon : Goodnight O Clown.
Kahuna : Goodnight X-(
Gordon : Till We Meet Again by Kirk Franklin :-P
Kahuna : Don't get Swept Away by Yanni :-P
Kahuna : Goodnight X-(
Gordon : Beat It! by Michael Jackson X-(
Kahuna : Yes, I believe there was testimony to 
         that effect X-(
Gordon : Now, now...
Gordon : Go!
Gordon : TTYL
Kahuna : Thump(); abscond()

Much sleep was lost during the course of this production.