Darth Teddy's Dodgy Deliveries: Part 1 - The Horn of the Monkey

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- Darth Teddy perpetrated Outright Buffoonery last Monday, when he had a dodgy birthday cake delivered to Kahuna through his emerging logistics network.

Despite the Bear's best laid plains, however, his logistics provider bungled the element of surprise by calling Kahuna the Saturday before. It seems they didn't quite trust the data provided by the Bear and wished to confirm Kahuna's identity and delivery address. This turned out to be a good thing since Darth Teddy's sinister plan was to have the merchandise delivered to Kahuna's workplace. Realizing that the anaconda keeper was up to no good, Kahuna promptly diverted the delivery to His abode to neutralize the threat. Buffoonery continued on Monday when the delivery types lost their way in the apparently labyrinthine road network leading to said abode. Another round of talks was held to extricate the clowns from the maze.

When the cake finally arrived at its destination (in the absence of Kahuna) it turned out to be a highly unorthodox construction replete with pointy bits sticking out of the container through a custom-built aperture geometry that would have intrigued Euclid. This is the highly suggestive sight that greeted Kahuna when He returned home:


El Cuerno del Mono (Copyright © 2007 B Kahuna)

The container was opened to reveal what appeared to be a cake in the form of a monkey: specifically a horny monkey, presumably of the Pan corneolus darthii spp., as evidenced by the disgustingly happy grin on its face.






Up Close and Personal (Copyright © 2007 B Kahuna)

Darth Teddy was reportedly quite pleased with his antics, despite the hilarious misadventures of his burgeoning logistics empire, noting that "It's a horny monkey; what's not to love?" Meanwhile, Kahuna admitted that He had made incisions into the monkey's hindquarters and declared them to be quite tasty. He added that the Darth Teddy had become a bigger menace than anticipated, but assured that appropriate countermeasures were being planned. He remained tight-lipped when asked if these would be of an edible nature.

Kahuna's actual age is the subject of much debate, although, some—including the heavyweight de Gordonzola lobby—have concluded that He's practically a relic and any demise on His part would not be untimely. Kahuna, however, scoffed at these suggestions and indicated that He planned to hang around and make Himself a nuisance to the planet until further notice.