Unquotable Quotes - Part 37

Those who can, blog; those who can't blog, comment; and those who can't comment, bellyache.

— Kahuna's First Law of Blogging.

Well I wouldn't complain if we could teleport say, Beyonce, in that mode.

— Gordon to Kahuna, supporting teleportation of the form illustrated in the Dilbert strip of April 22, 2008.

I am now in possession of the Subtle Knife and the Amber Spy Glass.

— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, admitting to surreptitiously amassing more dark materials.

This is in addition to your anaconda, no doubt?

— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, trying to establish an accurate inventory.

You're messaging while waltzing?

— Gordon, on receiving a short message from Kahuna while at a party.

I am now in motion as prescribed by Newton after the unfortunate incident with the apple.

— Kahuna, informing Darth Teddy of His impending arrival.

At the rate you're falling ill, I suggest you join GlaxoSmithKline as a guinea pig.

— Kahuna, writing a prescription for Fluke.

Then again, you'll probably succumb to the next virus, or possibly a light crosswind.

— Kahuna, issuing quite a shaky prognosis for Fluke.

Will that be hand-luggage as well?

— Kahuna, on Darth Teddy's travel plans for his anaconda.

Hopefully someone else's, yes.

— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, proposing to stow his anaconda away in other people's luggage.

Your snake's tendency to poke around in other people's nooks and crannies is noted.

— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, taking a dim view of the situation.

Indeed, it is friendly.

— Darth Teddy, in his own defense.

I believe one George Armstrong Custer made a silly statement like that at his last stand and Sitting Bull made him sit.

— Kahuna, drawing parallels between Fluke's folly and that of Lt Col Custer at the infamous Battle of the Little Bighorn.

Uuru meeya is a bandicoot, you fool.

— Gordon, objecting strongly to Kahuna translating uuru meeya as a tree-dwelling rat^[1].

Your employment as a translator at the UN would ensure the outbreak of World War III.

— Gordon, casting serious doubt about Kahuna's language skills.

Nurse, get an IV, 13% ethanol by volume, stat!

— Dr Kahuna, finding Darth Teddy's blood alcohol content to be dangerously low in the ER.

I propose to line up both factions and have an elephant lob durians at them. You will check if Naalaagiri is available.

— Kahuna to Gordon, outlining a rather noxious proposal to deal with a split in the commies.

I would have imagined that a spider of the sort that accosted one L M Muffet would have made you run a mile.

— Kahuna, proposing to place Fluke on a tuffet.

At those prices they probably installed a force field.

— Kahuna to Gordon, on how the exclusive Taprobane Island might have escaped the tsunami.

What is that dildo on the right?

— Kahuna to Gordon, unmoved by the Logitech Driving Force™ GT.

That's the shift lever.

— Gordon to Kahuna, setting the record straight about his proposed acquisition.

You're back in Las Kahunas damn it; change your status.

— Fluke, pointing out an inconsistent status on Facebook after Kahuna's return from the subcontinent.

You would sell your soul to the devil if it allowed you to harass me.

— Gordon's Diabolical Nuisance Conjecture.

I already have an MOU with him.

— Kahuna's Infernal Cahoots Confession to Gordon's Diabolical Nuisance Conjecture.

I am willing my credit card to stay in my wallet.

— Darth Teddy's Solvent Teddy Proposition.

This is like willing your anaconda to stay in your pants.

— Kahuna's Roaming Anaconda Retort to Darth Teddy's Solvent Teddy Proposition.

You should be watching consenting adults release their inhibitions at this hour.

— Gordon, objecting to Kahuna watching a surgical Carpal Tunnel Release procedure in the dead of the night.

I could improve the ambiance with an M1A1 Abrams if you like.

— Gordon, offering to enhance the experience of Kahuna's proposed visit to Ambiente along with Darth Teddy.

Do you think I could plug the Ella Gap with your posterior?

— Kahuna, attempting to make Gordon the butt of his latest plans.

Can I invite that dolphin here to lead all politicians out to sea?

— Kahuna to Gordon, upon learning of the dolphin who led stranded whales back to sea in New Zealand.

Haputale Kanda á la Brokeback Mountain?

— Gordon, drawing highly unnecessary parallels regarding Kahuna's proposed visit to the hills with Darth Teddy.

I will tie you to the bara baage and detach it from the propulsion system while on the incline.

— Kahuna, threatening drastic measures on the Haputale climb to silence Gordon.

By the Willies of Kahuna and Teddy?

— Fluke to Kahuna, hazarding a guess at the meaning of BTWOKT.

You're of course free to swear by our willies; however, the more conventional meaning is By the Whiskers of Kurvi-Tasch.

— Kahuna, enlightening Fluke on the correct meaning of BTWOKT as intended by Hergé in the fictional regime of Taschist Borduria.

Well it's not new; my willy has been the hot topic around the globe for a few years now.

— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, learning of Fluke's cocksure faith.

This is like blatantly stacking crates of uranium in the same room.

— Kahuna, learning of the Monster converging on Alpharetta to complete a gathering of Clan Gordon.

^[1] Literally, uuru meeya means pig rat. However, this refers to the Lesser Bandicoot Rat (Bandicota bengalensis) distinct from the Bandicoot proper (order Peramelemorphia).