— Kahuna to Gordon, on comparing mobile phone service plans.
I didn't want to get off even after a fourteen hour flight.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, on being kicked upstairs to the upper deck of an A380 from Dubai to New York, complete with bar, in-chair massage functionality and fully flat bed.
In other news, the cat has hogged the bed in a manner that makes occupation difficult.
— Kahuna to Gordon, reporting of a late-night feline infestation.
You're messing with pussy in the dead of night.
— Gordon to Kahuna, taking a dim view of the situation.
Kahuna my ass, you can't even relocate a cat.
— Gordon, taking Kahuna to task for bungling what should have been a routine feline extrication.
You'd think for a country that makes regular trips into outer space, they can get a voting system sorted out.
— Gordon's Electronic Voting Lament.
Nonsense, Diebold doesn't make the space shuttle.
— Kahuna's Rebuttal to Gordon's Electronic Voting Lament.
I suggest you move to Tibet and renounce your worldly possessions.
— Kahuna to Gordon, on learning that his autonomous wife was at Wal-Mart on Black Friday.
In other news, we successfully simulated a visit by Santa for my daughter's benefit.
— Gordon to Kahuna, reporting of an elaborate hoax perpetrated on Christmas Eve.
Did you use isolinear projection by Star Trek? Oh wait, you have Santa's radar profile, all you needed would have been the beard.
— Kahuna, experiencing an epiphany while discussing Gordon's Santa impersonation.
You think my wife would allow cake at this ungodly hour under any other circumstance?
— Gordon to Kahuna, defending a midnight feast on the occasion of his birthday.
If the missus reads this I'll be advised to go live with any of the three mentioned.
— Gordon, warning of dire consequences should his autonomous wife discover Kahuna's posting on Berry-Knowles Equivalence Theory.
Your activities with pungent fruit are getting me down.
— Gordon, objecting to Kahuna lobbing a Durian in his direction.
You will note that only heads of state who are current or former terrorists visit these parts.
— Kahuna to Gordon, reporting of a visit by the Abbas, hot in the footsteps of the Ahmedinejad.
Since I don't have a personal quarry, I had to pay for the stone.
— Gordon to Kahuna, on replacing counter-tops with granite at great expense.
She's at about 2.36 Rai.
— Gordon to Kahuna, on Halle Berry being named the Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire magazine in 2008.
Earlier, there was myth that every company I worked for went bankrupt; then it expanded to every industry I worked in and now, every country.
— Vandoofus's Generalized Insolvency by Association Principle.
Indeed, I'm still reliant on Georgia Power.
— Gordon to Kahuna, reporting a delay in receiving his reactor from Kim.
Its modus operandi appears to be to slow down the client such that virii get fed up and leave.
— Kahuna to Gordon, commenting on the workings of McAfee's quasi-bogus anti-virus products.
They're promoting casual sends by the Pope.
— Gordon to Kahuna, taking a hardline view on Gmail's new undo send functionality.
You'll be taking refuge in Tehran?
— Kahuna to Gordon, on the need for a new hiding place given the thawing of relations between the US and North Korea and the warm and fuzzy relationship with *f* .
Er no, I will extend Interstate 10 to Pyongyang.
— Gordon to Kahuna, on his industrious plans to make the best out of an early spring.
There are no laws against this, especially in late October.
— Gordon to Kahuna, on being accused of harboring the Monster.
This now brings the total CPU count to 7, 15 if you're counting cores.
— Gordon to Kahuna, upping his processor count after an unscheduled second-hand hardware purchase from an apparel vendor of oriental persuasion.
Anything can happen in these tiny Chinese novelty shops; some are believed to appear and disappear mysteriously.
— Kahuna, cautioning Gordon of the dangers of dabbling in wandering shops.
Maybe you can pick up an old Freon plant the next time you visit your grocer.
— Kahuna, expressing great annoyance with Gordon's second-hand shopping expeditions.
I locked out my password today by accidentally pressing Alt+Shift after a screen saver lockout and switching the language to Sinhala.
— Kahuna to Gordon, confessing to bungling in a native language.
I'm more interested in King Solomon's porn stash.
— Gordon to Kahuna, on being told of the discovery of King Solomon's Mines.
I'm not your muse.
— Kahuna, declining to provide creative input to Vandoofus's latest blog.
You're right about that; you're my bitch.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, under the influence of unknown hallucinogens.
There was never a rift; we never pledge allegiance to the Leader like the Apple folks do.
— Gordon to Kahuna, clarifying his relationship with Redmond.
If someone threw things at my embassy, I would retaliate by autocannon.
— Kahuna's Unequal and Opposite Reaction Policy.
These pussy-loving foreign ministers should have had theirs removed during the meeting.
— Kahuna to Gordon, advocating impromptu castration as part of His Foreign Policy.
If Dorothy wandered into your closet she would conclude fairly quickly that she was no longer in Kansas.
— Kahuna's Wizard of Oz Interpretation of Gordon's Closet.
The potential difference became zero; did you bring your closet online?
— Kahuna to Gordon, investigating a mysterious loss of power.
My daughter has found fascination in the metronome feature of the piano much to my annoyance.
— Gordon to Kahuna, on being forced to keep time by his increasingly autonomous daughter.
Well it has to be plugged in to be useful, and besides when it doesn't respond, she thumps it.
— Gordon to Kahuna, explaining his daughter's maintenance analysis procedure for an unresponsive piano.
Percussive maintenance at such an early age; she will outdo you, I tell you.
— Kahuna, cautioning Gordon to expect polarity-reversed capacitors plugged into his power outlets.
Where were you on or about 1903?
— Kahuna to Gordon, discovering the existence of the Gordon Brothers Group established in the early 20th century and fearing the worst.
The Vatican should be thumped with a rubber truncheon.
— Kahuna to Gordon, expressing irritation with Benedict XVI's stance on prophylactics.
I'll steal your pics.
— Vandoofus's Fair Use Doctrine.
Watch your nuts.
— Kahuna's Subpeona[1] Defense to Vandoofus's Fair Use Doctrine.
[1] Subpoena: From the root "sub", below, and the Latin "poena" for male organ or penis. Therefore, "below the penis" or "by the balls." (Anon).
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