Kahuna Reinstates Pluto, Threatens to Boot IAU

REPUBLIC OF BOSTON, Former Massachusetts -- In a press release issued today, Kahuna unilaterally restored Pluto to full planetary status calling the International Astronomical Union (IAU) a bunch of buffoons in the pay of volumetric ornithologist Ebenezer Gordon.

Kahuna said that if Pluto had not completely cleared the neighborhood around its orbit, then Neptune most certainly had not done so either. He, therefore, argued that Neptune should also have been revoked of planetary status along with the Earth, Mars and Jupiter. Kahuna also argued that while the barycenter of the Pluto system was clearly outside Pluto, it was much closer to Pluto than to its largest moon Charon. Kahuna, therefore, declined to elevate Charon to planetary status.

He added that if the IAU does not get its act together soon, it would find itself booted out of the solar system. Kahuna admitted that his unilateral action may cause property values to rise on Pluto, but vehemently declared that Gordon would not be allowed to profit from his dark deeds.

The interplanetary real estate baron was unavailable for comment.