Unquotable Quotes - Part 26

I will arrange an accident involving a badly tuned French horn.

- Kahuna, learning that Gordon would be attending a Garfunkel concert.

Holding the array at gunpoint might help.

- Kahuna to Gordon, on how to insert a value into an array using JavaScript.

Scampering raccoon, hissing polecat.

- Gordon, attempting to one-up Kahuna.

I will move my bishop to Alpharetta by way of blatant provocation.

- Kahuna, proposing a controversial move.

I suggest you find your queen first.

- Gordon, countering with the marital defence.

This would indicate the operation of wolves; either that or your collies are idling.

- Kahuna, learning that the sheepcount of Darth Teddy’s flock was dynamic.

Isn't that my lamp?

- Darth Teddy, attempting to set the genie bit with other people’s lamps.

I feel like humping something.

- Darth Teddy, providing an unsolicited status report.

Fuck this, fuck that, fuck up, fuck, fuck, fuck.

- The Monster, graphically illustrating America’s fascination with the F-word.

You will censor the F-word BTBOTP.

- Gordon to Kahuna, renouncing the First Amendment.

And at this rate, we'll have to setup a new government department to keep track of your baggage: the Federal Baggage Administration.

- Kahuna, pondering a legislative solution to the Gordon baggage crisis.

I believe my anaconda is being falsely portrayed.

- Darth Teddy, expressing concerns about UQ25.

No, I’m just hot.

- Darth Teddy, denying Kahuna’s accusations of being in heat.

You're going around declaring you're hot as if you expect the rest of us to drop down and fellate you.

- Kahuna, taking a dim view of Darth Teddy’s modus operandi.

The selected few usually do.

- Darth Teddy, in his own defence.

You’re fishing for slander-worthy statements aren’t you?

- Gordon, accusing Kahuna of entrapment.

Please refrain from posting vulgar content in the blog.

- Vandoofus, objecting to Kahuna’s portrayal of Leucanthemum vulgare.

You mean it's an area not currently serviced by your anaconda?

- Kahuna to Darth Teddy, querying the status of London.

I think you need a longer anaconda.

- Kahuna to Darth Teddy, proposing a long distance service.

No, no, we are very happy with our reptile.

- Darth Teddy, dismissing Kahuna’s long distance proposals.

How would I know? There’s no place to look up clown names.

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, on being taken to task for querying the identity of the Monster.

I have conclusively established that drinking doesn't cure sore throat.

- Vandoofus, reporting failure in his quest for a pharyngitis cure after extensive personal research.

I can safely say bratwurst also does not cure sore throat.

- Vandoofus, continuing to defy established medical evidence and common sense.

I tried a few light beers last night; didn't work either.

- Vandoofus, announcing the end of a short-lived partnership with Anheuser-Busch.

You can see me on Google Earth if I am sunbathing with an erection.

- Vandoofus, raising a contentious point.

Everybody wants me.

- Darth Teddy, establishing his credentials.