MEGABRANTIS, Brantis-Vogan Cluster -- In latest news, we are pleased to announce that Simpsoni Bartus has joined the editorial team of this blog. Let the mud be slung!

KENDALIYADDAPALUWA, Ganemulla (ICBM Locator: Latitude=7.050N, Longitude=79.950E, Elevation=18m) -- In latest news, the Monster has revealed it bathes for 1.5 hours as it "has a lot to wash." This appears to be an ideal case for the Dyson Contrarotator. >:) Heh heh...

MEGABRANTIS, Brantis-Vogan Cluster -- Sources report that El Gordo embarked on the ill-fated unscrewing operation despite warnings issued by both his autonomous wife and clown sibling, the Monster. The mobile phone in question now exists in component form.

MEGABRANTIS, Brantis-Vogan Cluster -- A spokesmonkey for the Bogusan Empire today revealed continuing buffoonery in the sordid El Gordo affair. El Gordo has just destroyed a new Japanese screwdriver after only unscrewing four screws on his mobile phone. This took place while allegedly attempting to install a new cover. Experts speculated that this latest fiasco may have been caused by exceeding the torque limit of the screwdriver, having pudgy paws or using the screwdriver for purposes other than those envisaged by the manufacturer. This shocking disclosure has also caused the average MTBF of all known screwdrivers to be adjusted down towards four screws. Screwdriver manufacturers have proposed a class-action lawsuit against El Gordo who was not available for comment.

MEGABRANTIS, Brantis-Vogan Cluster -- A spokesmonkey for the Bogusan Empire yesterday reported of an unscheduled collapse of the suspended ceiling architecture in the vicinity of that fiendish master of crime, El Gordo. It is rumored that El Gordo was constructing a portable blackhole when the incident occurred. This device supposedly creates a gravitational field so powerful that not even management could escape. The ultimate purpose of this device remains shrouded in secrecy. Analysts, meanwhile, dismissed the whole idea on the grounds that space-time curving around El Gordo's considerable mass would have more probably triggered the collapse. Later that day, El Gorgo was seen huddled in the parking lot of the Bogusan Empire with latex magnate Simpsoni Bartus, reputed to have made it big in rubber goods. When confronted with this evidence, an enraged El Gordo spat that the whole matter was being blown out of proportion. Stay tuned for live coverage...