Unquotable Quotes - Part 23

I am currently de-toxing.

- Darth Teddy, declaring a state of intense liver function following a night of debauchery.

I have been abducted. I shall return as soon as possible.

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, issuing an optimistic outlook.

The aliens have done well.

- Kahuna, commenting on Darth Teddy’s abduction.

Bah! It was disturbing and the sibling is yum.

- Darth Teddy, making alarming references to Brokeback Mountain and HRH’s edible sibling in the same statement.

You're the one stockpiling whips and gags and I'm the pervert?

- Gordon to Kahuna, taking umbrage at being accused of depravity.

I'm finding it hard to swallow.

- Kahuna to Darth Teddy, declaring a state of tonsillitis.

And don't make any wisecracks.

- Kahuna to Darth Teddy, realizing too late the high potential for misuse in His previous statement.

He must have stepped behind some general and gone “buwahahah.”

- Gordon, learning of George W’s surprise visit to Iraq and proposing his modus operandi.

Nonsense, he couldn't handle the responsibilities that come with mine.

- Darth Teddy, on the heavy responsibilities of managing his assets.

However, your current responsibilities are limited to walking the dog.

- Kahuna, dismissing Darth Teddy’s purported responsibilities.

He knew some bogus sports stuff and helped us to become one before the last.

- Vandoofus, summing up Darth Teddy’s contribution at a quiz.

But my left paw is still functional.

- Vandoofus, issuing a statement on his shoulder injury before realizing he was not ambidextrous.

The source of this bogosity is 45 minutes from here. Perhaps I should drive up with a few rotten eggs.

- Gordon, proposing to visit Atlanta and lob a personal objection to a news headline by CNN.

I was merely giving him displacement from NJ to NY.

- The Monster, pleading guilty to providing displacement measurements to Gordon.

I will submerge you in the Black Sea and measure the displacement if you're not careful.

- Kahuna to the Monster, proposing an alternative means of measuring displacement.

You were misbehaving on a grand scale tonight.

- Kahuna taking Darth Teddy to task for operating in promiscuous mode during a Japanese meal.

Sequel Pasha is absconding. He may have executed an incorrect DDL statement and made himself vanish.

- Kahuna to the Monster, on the extended disappearance of Gordon.

We had a chat and decided that we would both get drunk and nuke you.

- Darth Teddy, informing Kahuna of his strategic alliance with Ching the Merciless.

Hang on; we are discussing your demise.

- Darth Teddy, putting Kahuna on hold to discuss strategy with Ching the Merciless.

You don’t even have that much sex.

- Kahuna, commenting on Darth Teddy’s numerous daily conference calls.

The State of Georgia issues only one plate, for the rear. You can take this up with Sonny Perdue if you have issues.

- Gordon to Kahuna, defending the lack of a front registration plate on GITT Mk III.

How can you release 22 billion gallons by mistake?

- Kahuna to Gordon, questioning the release of water from Lake Lanier in Georgia as reported by CNN.

Your mere presence is causing a drought.

- Kahuna, holding Gordon accountable for the impending drought in Georgia.

I have great respect for one S Hussein who had the guts to shoot most members of parliament.

- Kahuna, expressing extreme annoyance about goings on in the Temple of the Monkey.

I'm sure the price of buffaloes must be on the increase.

- Gordon, speculating on the effect of rising oil prices.

This can be rectified. All I need are a few diodes.

- Kahuna, seizing an opportunity to dabble in semiconductors.

I will feed you to the crocodiles if you don’t watch it.

- Gordon to Kahuna, on being told that the new Picasa Web Albums offer an RSS feed.

With your dietary advice, these crocodiles will end up diabetic.

- Kahuna, taking a dubious view of Gordon’s crocodile feed.

At least you can't get driving directions yet.

- Gordon, on Google Mars.

A couple of F-16s flew over the supermarket today.

- Gordon, reporting a secure shopping experience.

I used Navtech devices on Mk III earlier today to locate a fish n chips joint.

- Gordon, reporting the use of satellite navigation for nefarious purposes.

It's even voice activated. You say "I'm hungry" and it shows you all the restaurants in the vicinity. Say "go home" and it points you back to base.

- Gordon, explaining the operation of his satellite navigation system.

Good grief! Those are B-52's alright.

- Gordon, confirming Kahuna’s identification of a parked fleet of bombers on Diego Garcia.

Probably? I just counted 8 B-52s.

- Gordon to Kahuna, on being told that Diego Garcia was probably well protected.

Panic() panic() panic().

- Gordon, discovering Sony’s foray into digital SLR cameras with the highly disturbing Alpha DSLR-A100.

Nonsense, you were counting B-52s parked in Diego Garcia.

- Kahuna, refuting Gordon’s claims he was too busy to blog.

You provided coordinates.

- Gordon, in his own defense.