NORTH POLE, Arctic Circle -- Professor Ebenezer Gordon, Chairman and Grand Poobah of Gordon Industries, Inc., today announced that he would be outsourcing this year's Christmas gift delivery operation to India. He cited the rising supply chain cost of his Santa Claus business, eroding margins and the deteriorating relations with his reindeer as reasons behind this unprecedented move.
Gordon indicated that this new arrangement would have a positive impact on his bottom line for 2007, while also maintaining his burgeoning waistline below forecast. However, he cautioned that the full impact of savings would only be realized in the coming fiscal year after the planned disposal of his North Pole complex. Market sentiment was mixed and the news was not warmly received by Gordon's reindeer who were seen picketing and calling for his immediate ouster.
Industry sources pointed out that Gordon was already embroiled in a bitter trade union dispute with his reindeer on the equitable distribution of milk and cookies. The situation has taken a turn for the worse with layoffs now expected thanks to the proposed business model. It is reliably learned that Gordon's new outsourcing partner would use a fleet of Bajaj three-wheeled vehicles for outbound logistics instead of the more traditional sleigh. This has proved to be a thorny issue during negotiations and a spokesdeer for the reindeer union said that talks had ended in a stalemate. He said that the union had expressed grave reservations regarding the environmental impact of Bajaj engines and called for an independent assessment by Nobel laureate Al Gore. The spokesdeer added that Gordon was vehemently opposed to this idea, allegedly fearing that Gore would reveal potentially inconvenient truths that might derail his dastardly plans.
When contacted by KNN, Kahuna said that Gordon was indeed moving forward given a conversation held shortly before:
Kahuna : You're up quite late. Are you doing a stock
count of the toy inventory?
Gordon : Er no, I am backing up a database to be
sent to a clownette in Chennai.
Kahuna : The naughty and nice list for your
outsourced service provider no doubt X-(
Gordon : Bah X-(He added that Gordon was counting on his controversial Global Cooling initiative to offset any impact on climate change.
In related news breaking from Connecticut, the Monster is expected to arrive in the tropics on the 25th of December, fueling speculation that Gordon is handing over the reigns to his portly sibling. KNN has been unable to independently verify this claim with Gordon remaining tight-lipped about the matter.
Meanwhile, in tropical Colombo, Darth Teddy is believed to be searching for his Santa hat for upcoming festivities. The anaconda keeper had not ruled out turning up in his birthday suit should the quest for headgear be thwarted.
And on that rather dodgy note, the Circus wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
1 comment:
A picture is worth a thousand words :-)
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