ALPHARETTA, Georgia -- During the winter of 2008, Professor Gordon shared his rising energy consumption statistics with Kahuna. The arch-technologist was still heavily reliant on Georgia Power for his electricity supply due to problems in commissioning his own reactor. A delay in receiving enriched Uranium from Kim appears to have bungled the project plan.
However, we digress. Here's what happened shortly after Gordon provided Kahuna with his electricity bill, complete with trend graphs:
Gordon (G): You will check the trend on page two.
Kahuna (K): @#$@#$@# Has Al Gore seen this? X-(
G: X-(
K: I thought not. You're siphoning energy off the grid for nefarious purposes?
G: I think the wife is.
G: Or maybe it's the Linux server in the coat closet :-D
K: You're using a Freon plant to cool it? X-(
G: Cooling is currently an issue.
K: I can see that X-(
G: The coat closet houses a gigabit switch, a wireless router, a VOIP cable modem, a cordless phone base unit and a server with two drives :-D
G: And a few coats :-D
K: And the broomstick?
G: That's in the laundry room.
K: I'm arranging an FCC and FAA inspection.
G: Go ahead X-(
K: The EPA might also want to join, not to mention the local fire department.
A preliminary inspection of Gordon's coat closet suggested that the permitted technology threshold had not merely been exceeded, but left biting the dust. While coats and coat hangers were indeed present, they seemed oddly out of place and appeared to be mostly for decorative purposes. Perhaps, even camouflage. The Linux server, an ominous sign of the rift with Redmond, appeared to house Gordon's integrated Lair Management System, allowing remote deployment of his porcupine defense—presumably by means of the Telnet protocol.
Kahuna explained to KNN that a technology concentration of this magnitude—in an enclosed space no less—was clearly illegal in Havana, adding that Raul would not be pleased. He said that the RF interference alone ought to have piqued the interest of the FCC had they not been otherwise occupied in hounding the last surviving analog television stations.
However, Kahuna also expressed relief that Gordon was not storing his broomstick, the B-82 Stratosweeper, in the closet. The temperamental craft was last seen during Halloween several years ago when it caught fire and caused Gordon to crash unceremoniously during a test flight. The resulting FAA investigation and altercation with the local coven of witches was believed to have grounded the portly one indefinitely.
When KNN attempted to contact Gordon for comment, he was found engaged in a rather heated summit conference with his HVAC consultant. After some provocation, Gordon admitted to exploring forced-air cooling options, while maintaining that, in the meantime, his closet kept his coats warm.
Readers can rest assured that KNN will continue to fabricate this developing story.
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