Illinois Restores Pluto's Planetary Status

SPRINGFIELD, Illinois -- In unexpected news, the Illinois Senate unanimously restored Pluto to full planetary status on February 26^th 2009 and also resolved that March 13^th be declared Pluto Day. Clyde William Tombaugh, discoverer of Pluto, was born in Illinois in 1906.

In a widely ridiculed decision, Pluto was stripped of planetary status by the so-called International Astronomical Union (IAU) in August 2006. Kahuna alleged at the time that the hidden hand of Gordon was behind the controversial move. An Act of Kahuna restored Pluto to planetary status several days later.

Senate Resolution 0046, sponsored by Sen. Gary G. Dahl (R), notes that:

WHEREAS, Clyde Tombaugh, discoverer of the planet Pluto,
was born on a farm near the Illinois community of Streator; and

WHEREAS, Dr. Tombaugh served as a researcher at the
prestigious Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Arizona; and

WHEREAS, Dr. Tombaugh first detected the presence of Pluto
in 1930; and

WHEREAS, Dr. Tombaugh is so far the only Illinoisan and
only American to ever discover a planet; and

WHEREAS, For more than 75 years, Pluto was considered the
ninth planet of the Solar System; and

WHEREAS, A spacecraft called New Horizons was launched in
January 2006 to explore Pluto in the year 2015; and

WHEREAS, Pluto has three moons: Charon, Nix and Hydra; and

WHEREAS, Pluto's average orbit is more than three billion
miles from the sun; and

WHEREAS, Pluto was unfairly downgraded to a "dwarf" planet
in a vote in which only 4 percent of the International
Astronomical Union's 10,000 scientists participated; and

WHEREAS, Many respected astronomers believe Pluto's full
planetary status should be restored; therefore, be it

RESOLVED, BY THE SENATE OF THE NINETY-SIXTH GENERAL
ASSEMBLY OF THE STATE OF ILLINOIS, that as Pluto passes
overhead through Illinois' night skies, that it be
reestablished with full planetary status, and that March 13,
2009 be declared "Pluto Day" in the State of Illinois in honor
of the date its discovery was announced in 1930.

While agreeing wholeheartedly with the spirit of the resolution, Kahuna pointed out that like most elected legislatures, Illinois took a month of Sundays to get things done. He also took the opportunity to further disparage the IAU and implied that it was comprised mostly of individuals who wouldn't recognize an extra-terrestrial if they were abducted by one. Kahuna added that the IAU's narrow field of view was no doubt a side-effect of peering too often into telescopes.

On that controversial note, we leave you. The IAU was busy examining the less brightly lit nether regions of the Universe and was not available for comment.