Akhenaten

Akhenaten (Copyright (cc) B Kahuna 2007)

ALEXANDRIA, Egypt -- The visage of the heretic pharaoh Akhenaten, father of Tutankhamun, at the Alexandria National Museum.

Akhenaten, originally known as Amenhotep IV, reigned between 1353 BC and 1336 BC during the Eighteenth Dynasty and is believed to have advocated the monotheistic worship of Aten (the disc of the sun) as opposed to the sun god Amun-Ra and the pantheon of Egyptian gods.

Captured on 5^th November 2007 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 50mm 1:1.8 II) on aperture priority (f/1.8) at ISO 1600 resulting in an exposure of 1 millisecond.

Interestingly, Professor Gordon is believed to bear a striking resemblance to Akhenaten according to a previous post by Kahuna. 

The Kahuna-Vandoofus Dialogs: Part 2 - The Scrabble Insurrection

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- Kahuna categorically denied the allegations made by Vandoofus in his last post, calling them "unadulterated baloney." He went on to note that if there was anything anomalous going on, it was more likely to be centered around Murray Hills, NY.

Offering evidence of such activity, Kahuna noted that bickering between Hasbro and Mattel—who own the rights to Scrabble in the United States and elsewhere respectively—have made it is impossible to play Scrabble online between clowns located in the aforementioned locales. Except if one happened to be located precisely in Vandoofus's apartment in New York. For reasons that are unclear at this time, Vandoofus was able to play Scrabble Worldwide, presumably whilst partaking of alcoholic beverages in his underwear.

Kahuna disclosed the following dialog to support His claims:

Vandoofus (V): Oh funny thing, if I log into Facebook from any other IP address, it says can't open Scrabble in North America. But, it seems to work from home.
Kahuna (K): So you're saying your home is not in North America?
V: Appears to be so.
K: I don't remember you filing for permission to secede from the Union.
V: I don't think its that, I think the space in which my home is located is in another plane, another dimension.
K: Well, considering that the occupant is not entirely from this planet...
V: Entirely? Part of me is?
K: Yeah, you'll need to figure out which part.

Kahuna declared that Vandoofus would not be permitted to secede from the Union and said that a contingent of armed bears had been dispatched to contain the insurrection. Military analysts familiar with the situation said that Kahuna's action appeared to be successful and Vandoofus's apartment had been re-integrated with the Union. They confirmed that Vandoofus could no longer access Scrabble Worldwide, much to his annoyance.

Vandoofus was not immediately available for comment as he was busy reviewing his component parts to determine their origin.

The Kahuna-Vandoofus Dialogs: Part 1 - The Data Controller

MURRAY HILL, New York -- Due to the unusually high volume of bogus dialogs between Vandoofus and Kahuna, Vandoofus has decided to document some of these on the Circus. The following is the first and the most recent of many such dialogs—which also incidentally, divulges insight to Kahuna's suspected anomalous sexual habits. This was unintended and any innuendos to Kahuna's personal life is purely coincidental.

The dialog began after a message intended for one Kim (Name changed to conceal identity) was mistakenly sent to Kahuna.

Vandoofus (V): Kim, are you working on the Data Controller?
Kahuna (K): I'm not Kim X-(
V: Ugh! It's your skirt.
K: Are you working or having cybersex? Or is it the same thing?
V: Did that sound like cybersex to you?
V: I wonder how you have sex X-(
K: I don't know what type of weird sex you are into X-(
V: You are the one who inferred sexual activity from, "Kim, are you working on the Data Controller?" X-(
K: Naturally, you're using some form of code :-P
V: X-(
K: You got so excited that you typed in the wrong window X-(
V: You have a Data Controller fetish? X-(
K: I didn't think such a fetish was possible
K: You have proved me wrong once again :-p

Kahuna Demands Probe into Battle of Trafalgar

LAS BOGAS, Nevada -- Kahuna held a press conference a short while ago and demanded that the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights, Navanethem Pillay, institute a war crimes probe against British Vice-Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson. Kahuna said that Nelson, since deceased, should be investigated for his involvement in the so-called "Battle" of Trafalgar in 1805, where he brutally attacked Napoleon's fleet which was on its way to a picnic off Cape Trafalgar in Spain.

Kahuna charged that Nelson was responsible for the loss of thousands of lives and went on to note that the combined Spanish and French fleet lost 22 of their 33 vessels while Nelson did not loose a single ship. This He said, "is by far the clearest indication that Nelson executed a cunning and well-planned ambush against a fleet of unarmed vessels." Arguing that Napoleon's was fleet retrofitted to carry a cargo of wine and cheese, Kahuna remarked that, "they could only defend themselves with small arms fire and were hopelessly out-gunned." Kahuna also questioned whether Nelson had used illegal weapons to decimate the picnickers.

"People like Nelson have taken away the right of the people to peaceably picnic," Kahuna thundered, conceding nonetheless that wine in question, so soon after the French Revolution, would have been of rather dubious quality.

Kahuna urged Pillay to call a special session of the UN Human Rights Council to look into the war crimes committed by Nelson during the incident at Trafalgar in particular and throughout his career in the Royal Navy. "Nelson had a history of sailing all over the place and arbitrarily thumping people. Were it the West Indies, Corsica, Cape St Vincent or Alexandria, it was the same story; destruction lay in his wake," Kahuna said.

When questioned about plans to unseat Nelson's statue from atop its perch at Trafalgar Square in London, Kahuna said He fully supported the move and proposed that it be replaced with a statue of the Indian film actor, Rajnikanth.

Pillay was understood to be huffing and puffing elsewhere and was not available for comment.

KNN will continue to bring you live coverage of this developing story.