Unquotable Quotes - Part 42

Gah! Didn't know this thing had chat.

— The Monster, on being accosted by Kahuna on Facebook chat.

Ask it to buy a dongle and stop whining.

— Gordon to Kahuna, weighing in heavily on the Vandoofus Bluetooth fiasco.

Are you on Michael Dell's customer support staff?

— Kahuna, unimpressed by Gordon's customer service mindset.

I can't find "safely remove"; I'm just going to pull it out.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, confounded by Universal Serial Bus technology.

She must be up to something dodgy, like spending money.

— Huggles to Kahuna, on being told of Her Royal Highness roaming the city unsupervised.

Well, I'll put a stop to that from tomorrow.

— Huggles to Kahuna, vowing to personally impose sanctions on Her Royal Highness.

I was told yesterday that you were the topic of discussion at the last dinner: specifically, parts of your anatomy.

— Kahuna, informing Huggles of an explicit dinnertime conversation in absentia.

You know Timmy and Teddy, mind in the bloody gutter.

— Huggles to Kahuna, unsurprised at being the main course.

Everybody misses me, I feel so special.

— Huggles to Kahuna, basking in the afterglow of undue attention.

Some of them are after specific parts of you.

— Kahuna, warning Huggles of underhand moves.

Has the butler assumed power yet?

— Kahuna to Vandoofus, eagerly awaiting the Butlerian Jihad.

The butler is ironing my shirt as we speak.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, announcing an unexpected delay in the revolution.

He might bean you with a rolling pin later.

— Kahuna, in hope of a desirable outcome in the power struggle between Vandoofus and his butler.

I am in an undisclosed location.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, confessing on emulating Dick Cheney to avoid Huggles.

I'm sure Huggles will find you; You'd better buy some doughnuts to distract him.

— Kahuna to Vandoofus, proposing devious toroidal countermeasures.

Teddy has a habit of grabbing him in the doughnuts.

— Kahuna to Vandoofus, warning of Darth Teddy getting physical with Huggles.

You're spending way too much time in her chambers.

— Kahuna, disapproving of Vandoofus constantly consulting with his lawyer.

I need a lot of legal advice.

— Vandoofus, in his own defense.

You should slow down at your age.

— Kahuna, warning Vandoofus of the perils of excessive legal counsel.

My God!

— Darth Ching, encountering Kahuna armed with a camera in church.

I will have you replaced by a robot if you don't tone it down; preferably a lighter model.

— Kahuna's Lightweight Droid Solution to the Existential Gorden Problem.

I could have you replaced by a garden gnome and no one would notice the difference.

— Gorden's Gnome Equivalence Hypothesis to Dislodge Kahuna.

In your case the difference would become obvious as the refrigerator alarm will not sound at midnight.

— Kahuna's Midnight Snack Retort to Gorden's Gnome Equivalence Hypothesis.

Bastard!

— Kahuna, reacting in no uncertain terms to Vandoofus acquiring a new Macbook.

I will let you play with it.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, adding insult to injury.

Do you know how to use it?

— Kahuna, taking a dim view of Vandoofus's technological savvy.

I might just run Windows VM.

— Vandoofus, confirming Kahuna's fears with his plans to slow down Mac OS X.

Are you sure you spelt that out correctly?

— Huggles, learning of Kahuna's intent to walk.

Yes, I'm sure, you pervert!

— Kahuna, in his own defense.

Yeah, I was thinking of you while walking.

— Kahuna, on being asked by Huggles if he was missed.

I knew it, it was misspelt.

— Huggles to Kahuna, fearing the worst.

I'm going to shave and shower now and maybe spell correctly.

— Kahuna to Huggles, revealing His morning ablutions in unnecessary detail.

Just because your butler imposes an early dinner regime doesn't mean the rest of us have to fall in line.

— Kahuna to Vandoofus, on being told that His dinnertime was late.

Is this some sort of an attempt at a cardio activity?

— Vandoofus, questioning the motive behind Kahuna's plan to walk at 4 am.

No, it's an attempt at surprising the neighborhood rooster.

— Kahuna, peeved at Vandoofus questioning the obvious.

Are you going to engage in sexual activity with the rooster?

— Vandoofus, plotting to implicate Kahuna in a clandestine tryst.

Don't talk cock.

— Kahuna, dismissing Vandoofus's feather-brained fantasy.

Why can't you just eat roast paan and parippu like normal people?

— Vandoofus, expressing irritation at Kahuna constructing a seafood cannelloni.

You seem to have grown quite attached to Huggles.

— Kahuna, observing Vandoofus hobnobbing with Huggles.

That's just the cover.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, hinting at a more nefarious plan.

Their current location is unknown, but probably involves a bed.

— Kahuna to the Baroness, on the whereabouts of Vandoofus and his lawyer.

From what I hear, their trip planning was a bit dodgy.

— The Baroness, reviewing intelligence reports of the Vandoofus Expedition with Kahuna.

Did you doubt my navigation skills?

— Vandoofus, on Kahuna's surprise at the return of his dodgy expedition.

I'm online with London regarding said skills, or lack thereof.

— Kahuna to Vandoofus, admitting to spying for the Baroness.

You can't refer to your husband in the manner reserved for MI6.

— Kahuna, objecting to the Baroness referring to the Baron solely by letter.