Where have all the Clowns Gone?

Where have all the clowns gone, long time passing?
Where have all the clowns gone, long time ago?
Where have all the clowns gone?
Left the circus every one.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

With apologies to Where have all the flowers gone? by Pete Seeger.

"The Gates" - A Review

By St Vandoofus, Senior Art Correspondent, The Circus

CENTRAL PARK, New York – What is normally an inartistic, eyesore in the centre of Manhattan could be thought of as quite a waste of land filled with boring foliage, lakes, rocks and particularly painful groups of noisy kids running around with their dogs. But all that changed last weekend when Christo and Jeanne-Claude, after 20-some years, and some help from a man named Bloomberg with a passion for modern art, managed to bring their exhibit to New York's Central Park. Soon the park was besieged by the art-loving public of Manhattan and the rest of the world and in a moment, the glum, depressing serenity of the park was transformed into what could be described as a circus-like atmosphere. For me, an art-lover who lives a stone’s throw from the park, the event is a rare opportunity to witness and experience the best of what modern art has to offer. So needless to say, I walked over to the park to experience the amazing work of art brought to us by Christo and Jeanne-Claude and sure hope it won’t be the last time I get to cover a humongous-objects-covered-in-fabric kind of art in the future.

Each exhibit can be described as an extensive virtuosity of subjectivity created to counteract the sublimation of the irreversible nature of the objects that includes the ambience of the park. As Jon Stewart’s chief art correspondent best described it, it's a whole transformation of the “whereness” to “nowhereness”. Personally, I think the exhibit depicted the evolvement of the public space and the physical aurora into a private spatial dimension that can be perceived as the celerity of the affection transcended by an inamorata. Each magnificent object which made up the 20-million dollar exhibit that covered the 850 acres of the park resembled a curtain hanging on a steel rod. Unlike the one hanging from my bathroom door, these were fabric banners suspended from 16-foot-high frames. And they were... orange.

The exhibits on the west side of the park transpired a saffron-colored light throughout the park, creating a majestic command over the surroundings which reduced the 19^th century buildings in the neighborhood to a diffident obscurity. The striking landmarks such as the Dakota were reduced to a mere concrete structures lamenting for attention. As I walked over to the east, the objects were more saffron in color and the fabric hanging from a steel frame was vastly different to the exhibits displayed on the north side of the park which were saffron in color suspended from steel frames. The south-west corner of the park was scattered with saffron-colored cloths while the south east… and so on.

I would love to go on, but, alas, I have run out of a month’s supply of word-a-days from dictionary.com. I don't really understand what they mean. But they sounded perfect to describe something I understand even less. So signing off from New York, this is the senior art correspondent for Circus, St. Vandoofus.

Christo and Jeanne-Claude Open ‘The Gates’ in New York

This photograph entitled The Gates, is the work of Ten Safe Frogs (Geoff Stearns). Used under a Creative Commons License.

CENTRAL PARK, New York -- World-renowned artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude together with New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg, today unveiled their creation, ‘The Gates’ in Central Park. Twenty-six years in the making from concept to execution, this massive creation has installed 7,500 metal gates flowing with saffron-colored fabric along 23 miles of pathway across the park. Giving a splash of color to the park, the work will be open till the 27^th of February, after which it will be dismantled and the materials industrially recycled. The project was completely funded by the artists.

Known for their large-scale temporary works of art, Christo and Jeanne-Claude covered the German Reichstag in fabric for their ‘Wrapped Reichstag’ project in 1995. Their ‘Over the River’ project scheduled for later this year plans to cover the Arkansas River in Colorado with fabric panels.

Kahuna declared ‘The Gates’ to be NB-complete and indicated that St Vandoofus will be dispatched to take a closer look despite near-freezing weather conditions. Professor Gordon was unavailable for comment and rumored to be recovering at his rural lair after a suspicious rendezvous with powerful clowns from the Middle East. The nature of the tryst was unclear, but experts suspect gun-running at the very least.

More images of ‘The Gates’ are available on Flickr.

Kahuna Issues Ultimatum

REPUBLIC OF BOSTON, Former Massachusetts -- In late-breaking news, a fuming Kahuna issued an ultimatum to ENN and SLMW indicating that the Circus has no political affiliations and will not be used for political advertising under any circumstances. He added, however, that the Circus reserves the right to equally ridicule all politicians on a regular basis.

Kahuna warned that any further tampering with the blog template would be considered an act of war and met with fierce retaliation in the form of armed bears and porcupines, the latter supplied courtesy of the prestigious Porcupine Institute of Ganemulla.

SLMW Launches www.lankawatch.com

NEW YORK, United States of America (ENN) -- A press release by the Sri Lanka Media Watch organization, a non-profit organization setup to monitor, analyze and debate latest political developments in Sri Lanka has announced the launch of it website at www.lankawatch.com. The Organization comprising of a large network of journalists, intellectuals, representatives of various political entities and individuals, both local and foreign, aims to use the internet as a propaganda tool to promote a neutral and peaceful message to the public. The management of the site hopes to provide a one-stop site for Sri Lankans everywhere to obtain political news about Sri Lanka and to share and debate ideas about the current situation in the country. The organization further states, the members of the web blog administered by Kahuna have been chosen as beta testers to test the site and provide feedback to the organization. Kahuna was sleeping and unavailable for comments.

Hounds Attack GITT MkII

KENDALIYADDAPALUWA, Ganemulla -- The Gordon Industries Twenty Thousand (GITT MkII), flagship vehicle of false prophet Professor Gordon, has sustained damage in an attack mounted by his household canines. KNN learns that the incident occurred in the early hours of Sunday, leading to considerable damage to a mud flap of the vehicle.

The reasons behind the strike are not clear at this time and investigations are underway. Gordon was reportedly fuming and not available for comment.

Gordon Bribes Punxsutawney Phil, Prolongs Winter

GOBBLER’S KNOB, Commonwealth of Pennsylvania -- In completely unexpected developments, the dastardly Professor Gordon has thrown the planet into six more weeks of winter by bribing well-known meteorological groundhog Punxsutawney Phil, to see his shadow.

While Phil’s revelation was roundly booed by those gathered at Gobbler’s Knob, a jubilant Gordon announced that he had delivered a major blow to Kahuna’s efforts at ushering in the first thaw of spring. Gordon disclosed that he had entered into an exclusive agreement with Phil, under which winter will be extended by a six-week period, with the option for a further three-week extension, for the next five years. Adding that Phil was amply compensated, Gordon indicated that he was also in negotiations with Staten Island Chuck, Wiarton Willie and Shubenacadie Sam to further consolidate his positition.

Experts ruminating over Gordon’s coup suggested that the arch-climatologist may have resorted to this highly unorthodox approach after failing in his patented, High-bypass Turbofan Method of global cooling. Gordon was reportedly having trouble getting his array of jet engines off the ground due to a shipment of capacitors sourced from Bart’s Surplus (a wholly-owned subsidiary of BartCorp) failing to arrive at the crucial time. A spokesman for BartCorp denied allegations of foul play stating that the shipment was simply held up at Kahuna’s Customs & Excise.

Speaking to the media a short while ago, Kahuna said that today was indeed a dark day for the planet and vowed to counter Gordon’s plans by any means necessary, including but not limited to adjusting the axial tilt of the planet. Analysts, however, cautioned such moves on the grounds that they could be quite wobbly.

KNN will continue to provide highly defamatory coverage of Professor Gordon at every available opportunity.

The Coming of Spring

GAILLIMH, Éire -- Today is the festival of Imbolc according to the ancient Celtic calendar. Although, the snow-covered northern hemisphere may suggest otherwise, spring begins today. It is believed that Kahuna will engage in ceremonies to bring forth the sun and thaw the planet.

In associated news, KNN learns that the notorious Professor Gordon is working feverishly to complete his array of high-bypass jet engines and prolong the winter. Experts were skeptical of the plans arguing that hell was more likely to freeze over prior to Gordon firing up his auxiliary power units. Gordon, however, provided a frosty reception to the media and remarked that his plans to end global warming were well on track.

KNN will monitor the highly liquid situation and provide live coverage.