Unquotable Quotes - Part 25

So do you take notes when people talk?

- Vandoofus, demanding to know Kahuna’s modus operandi in publishing Unquotable Quotes.

I have returned, along with my baggage for a change.

- Gordon, arriving in Atlanta with his backup baggage.

I called a highly complex automated inquiry system which kept me occupied for about ten minutes and then told me they didn’t know where my bags were; fully automated of course.

- Gordon, declaring the loss of his primary baggage for a second time.

Next time I fly, I will insist I go in the baggage hold with my bags. It's probably more comfortable that way too.

- Gordon, proposing to keep tabs on his baggage personally.

What the fuck do you need extra magnesium for? Do you want to fart flares?

- Gordon, exploding on hearing Kahuna’s plan to boost His magnesium intake.

Next time I fly, I am sending my bags via FedEx.

- Gordon, realising the only way to get his baggage to destination without a roundtrip through Addis Ababa.

Maybe you should ask Delta to setup the Bungled Baggage Fund and make an initial contribution.

- Kahuna, advising Gordon on the disposal of his backup underwear.

The ‘delta’ seems to be between the baggage you own and the baggage you have in hand.

- Gordon, concluding the hideous truth about Delta Airlines.

However, Darth Ching is officially hen pecked. He is afraid of his wife.

- Darth Teddy, implicating Darth Ching in a petticoat government.

Only cause he was drooling.

- Vandoofus, defending his attempts to fix Darth Teddy a date.

The story is you asked for custom plates 'KAHUNA' and got 'HUKANA'.

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, unveiling his hypothesis.

You asked for it with that posting. That was outright provocation.

- Gordon to Kahuna, defending the blasphemous Vandoofus Hypothesis.

No thanks; I've already been contacted by about five Nigerians and two South Africans.

- Gordon, declining Kahuna’s offer of 0% ROI.

Common sense is not a common attribute is it?

- Darth Teddy, experiencing an uncommonly short supply.

You will sacrifice it at a makeshift alter constructed from wastepaper baskets.

- Kahuna, instructing Darth Teddy in the black art of project manager management.

You mean it’s a multiple-mutt environment?

- Kahuna, accusing Darth Teddy of practicing polymuttism with his sheep.

This guy has the attention span of a fruit fly.

- Darth Teddy, in sheep trouble.

I think I need a whip.

- Darth Teddy, proposing to get kinky with his sheep.

Revealed? Like one Pamela you mean?

- Gordon, attempting to establish a new unit of measure for exposure.

Special effects included whooshing noises every time that idiot turns its head. I am now emulating these special effects in everyday life causing annoyance.

- Gordon, on his practice of the Ramanayaka Effect after viewing One Shot.

Whoosh()

- Gordon, demonstrating the Ramanayaka Effect.

I’ll have you scattered.

- Kahuna, threatening to deal with Gordon using the Raman Effect.

Like that helps me to have sex with her.

- Vandoofus, discovering his intended lay was a family friend.

You're liable to be blown away in a moderate crosswind.

- Kahuna, learning of the Regulator’s intent to go snowboarding.

This time I won’t call. You'll just find me on your doorstep.

- The Regulator, threatening Kahuna with door-to-door service.

I just confirmed my suspicions: I cannot play badminton.

- Darth Teddy, arriving at an empirical conclusion.

I didn't want to say anything before, but I think you should stick to humping.

- Kahuna, advising Darth Teddy to drop badminton.

Nonsense, I now have lips and tongues at my service.

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on being told to take matters into his own hands.