Unquotable Quotes - Part 31

Is your mother still blissfully unaware of your tattoo?

— Kahuna, questioning Darth Teddy on the status of mandatory disclosures.

Would you like your nipple pierced?

— Darth Teddy, attempting to lure Kahuna to the Dark Side.

You might get excommunicated due to inactivity.

— Kahuna, warning Vandoofus of the severe consequences of not blogging.

What dastardly plans have you hatched under the darkness of covers?

— Kahuna, suspecting Darth Teddy of misbehaving beneath the sheets.

I smell nuts.

— Darth Teddy, announcing intent to hunt.

It's so much easier with men.

— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on successful hunting after his recent policy reversal.

By the way, I will be coming home with you today.

— Darth Teddy, disclosing nefarious designs on Kahuna.

If you have no more use of your gonads, we could go for the cheese.

— Kahuna, noting the price of the cheese platter might require Darth Teddy to pawn no-longer-needed parts of his anatomy.

I don't recall a wolf.

— Darth Teddy, learning of Kahuna's plans to blog about the Way of the Wolf.

I am hungry, bitch; make me some food.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, demanding service in the wee hours of the morning.

Do you realize how much money Durex is loosing each night you don't hump?

— Kahuna, expressing concern over Darth Teddy's uncustomary celibacy.

You're causing a decline in the latex futures market.

— Kahuna, predicting dire economic implications from Darth Teddy's continued abstinence.

You are associating with the wrong types: look at that boy's hair.

— Gordon to Kahuna, taking a dim view of the Hobbit's excessively long hair.

It's attempting to use X-ray technology to look under female undergarments.

— Kahuna to Gordon, revealing the Hobbit's plan to use NightShot technology for purposes other than those envisaged by Sony.

In other words, it's trying to catch some bird in the nude unbeknown.

— Gordon to Kahuna, establishing the Hobbit's modus operandi.

Darth Teddy is beyond undergarments; its dilemma is what hole to stick it in.

— Gordon's Holy Teddy Hypothesis.

It's not as effective as I expected it to be.

— The Hobbit to Kahuna, revealing disappointing results after field-testing Sony's NightShot technology under dubious conditions.

Why do they fix this stupid IR filter in front?

— The Hobbit to Kahuna, expressing annoyance with Sony's design of the Cybershot DSC-V1 digital camera.

Will this become Bogusan Idol?

— Kahuna to Gordon, pondering the future of an Imperial talent contest.

Sirasa Super Tart.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on the Imperial talent contest if Darth Teddy had anything to do with it.

Send it to me as well, please.

— Darth Teddy, requesting Kahuna for incriminating video evidence of himself dug up by Gordon's global spy network.

Oh she's prayed over your email address; bless your soul.

— Kahuna, noting that Mrs Moses had prayed over an email to Gordon.

The tie is meant to contrast, not be camouflaged.

— Gordon's Conspicuous Necktie Principle.

I believe ET faced similar problems.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on being unable to call home due to a busy signal.

I tell you, QA clowns are from the planet Zork.

— Gordon to Kahuna, expressing great displeasure with QA.

I thought they were from Uranus.

— Kahuna to Gordon, challenging the origin of QA.

Plus you can have Playboy on-demand.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on compelling reasons to live in the Land of the Free.

It looks like a chicken in that headgear.

— Gordon to Kahuna, commenting on the Ex-Dictator's turban.

I'm Kahuna; I cannot be explained.

— Kahuna to Gordon, on being asked to explain Himself.

Catbert is quite fat.

— Gordon, calling Catbert fat.

Are you suggesting it ain't over till the fat man sings?

— Kahuna, querying if Gordon expected Catbert to perform an aria in full Valkyrie outfit.

I will pose as Snoop Dogg.

— Gordon to Kahuna, outlining his plans to obtain an Amex Centurion Card.

You might have better luck as Dr Evil.

— Kahuna to Gordon, recommending a more appropriate masquerade.

I hope this doesn't change anything between us.

— Vandoofus, in a wedding message to the Ex-Dictator.

You could add that we have an air bed, depending on the seriousness of the faces.

— Gordon, instructing Kahuna to deliver a wedding message to the Baroness and the Ex-Dictator.

That might cause tachycardia in assorted aunts.

— Kahuna, questioning the aunt-safeness of Gordon's wedding message.

That's a highly dodgy use of a semicolon.

— Kahuna, pausing to critique Darth Teddy's punctuation.

When I'm through with you, your anaconda will need a splint.

— Kahuna, proposing to cramp Darth Teddy's style.

I don't misbehave; it's just that you under-behave.

- Darth Teddy, blaming Kahuna for sub-standard behavior.

You are flawed.

— Darth Teddy's Defective Kahuna Hypothesis.

Yup, stainless. Until I come that is; then there are stains.

— Vandoofus to Kahuna, contending that his equipment was cast from industrial-grade stainless steel.

No, I like the heat generated.

— Vandoofus, dismissing Kahuna's recommendation of industrial-grade lubricant.

Hugo! Hugo! Hugo!

— Kahuna, riling Gordon by routing for Hugo Chavez.

I was feeling much better in the afternoon and took a bath.

— Gordon to Kahuna, explaining the circumstances behind his relapse.

As your doctor, I recommend that you be shot.

— Kahuna, writing Gordon a fatal prescription.

Speaking of Sony, I just discovered my TV runs Linux.

— Gordon to Kahuna, on being unwittingly bound by the GNU General Public License.

This is a violation of your MOU with Redmond.

— Kahuna, accusing Gordon of double-crossing Redmond.

I will now calculate the total number of speakers I am accountable for around the planet.

— Gordon to Kahuna, attempting to proclaim a sinister new definition of surround sound.

Sixty-three.

— Gordon's Answer to the Question of the Tweeter, the Squawker and the Woofer.

UQ is becoming quite U.

— Kahuna to Gordon, expressing concern about Unquotable Quotes.

I'm changing to Morse code to be safe.

— Her Royal Highness, learning that Kahuna would be publishing a new edition of Unquotable Quotes.

We'll soon have to put an adult filter on that thing.

— Her Royal Highness, threatening to censor Unquotable Quotes.