The Kahuna-Gordon Messages: Part 13 - Of Lochs and Monsters

The Standard of the Monster (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

DRUMNADROCHIT, Scotland -- Due to compelling reasons, we bring you another edition of the Kahuna-Gordon Messages, immediately after the last.

News breaking from Scotland has disclosed new sightings of the fabled Loch Ness Monster. Naturally, this lead to bickering between the menaces to society:

Kahuna : In other news, Nessie has been sighted.  
         And I thought I brought the monster home 
         during my last visit X-(
Gordon : They should drain that bloody lake and 
         sort out the whole affair once and for 
         all X-(
Kahuna : That's the largest body of freshwater in 
         the UK X-(
Gordon : Bah.
Kahuna : It's quite deep as well.
Gordon : If they can build a tunnel across the 
         channel they can bloody well drain that
         tub X-(
Kahuna : Maybe we should pump the water to the 
         lakes in Georgia that were drained by the 
         Army Corps of Engineers X-(
Gordon : You're losing focus: there were no monster 
         sightings there X-(
Kahuna : I'm well aware of that and the fact that 
         you've assumed duties as Monster Pro Tem.  
         I'm trying to solve your water problem by 
         Sonny Perdue X-(
Gordon : I'll have you dunked in the Ganges if you 
         don't watch it.
Kahuna : And you belong at the bottom of the East 
         River with the concrete boot option X-(
Gordon : Murderer X-(
Kahuna : Tough loch X-(

Kahuna was quick to point out that the only monster he saw at Loch Ness during his last visit was Darth Teddy. However, He conceded that the Bear made a large nuisance of himself at the time, particularly in that quaint restaurant in Inverness with the highly edible waitress named Jill who, unfortunately, happened to have a boyfriend. Kahuna added that He escorted the allegedly cuddly one safely away from the surroundings of the loch.

Darth Teddy was busy nursing his hand after sustaining injuries consistent with suspicious digital manipulation. The Monster Pro Tem of Georgia was not available for comment, having absconded for a tour of the state's reservoir system in which he had expressed intent to wallow.

No plesiosaurs or waitresses were harmed during this production.