The Game

The Gentlemen's Game (Copyright © 2005 Da Bear)

Nostalgia

Past Greats Do the Rounds (Copyright © 2005 Da Bear)

Off-Shore Circus Held in Singapore

SINGAPORE -- Having returned from the Orient yesterday, Kahuna reported that his journey was mostly uneventful. Sources close to the situation, however, disagreed charging that Kahuna had met with Huggles and the Menace—aka Her Royal Highness—to perpetrate an inaugural, off-shore circus. They added that three clowns was the acceptable quorum required to hold a legitimate circus.

It was revealed that Huggles and the Menace had invaded Kahuna’s hotel room in the dead of the night prior to the trio committing various acts of excess along the length of Orchard Road. Eye-witnesses recalled a dubious incident involving a hot apple crumble and further buffoonery involving an elevator at the proposed commencement activities of Batman. It is believed that a waitperson was also jostled in the rear by Huggles during the night’s proceedings.

Yet more buffoonery was evidenced two days later at the Funan Digital Life Mall—having since been upgraded from a mere IT mall. Of particular note were those activities that took place at the premises of John 3:16 where Kahuna yielded to temptation and acquired a Sony HVL-F32X flash to consolidate his position as a photographic menace. A high point of the day took place when a Chinese cabby, having ascertained the country of origin of his passengers, proceeded to declare one Solomon of the long and mostly non-native name to be B-complete.

Having toured the Orient, the trio returned home on Friday, Kahuna utilizing a Boeing 777-300 operated by Emirates for the purpose. The aircraft was found to be equipped with rather conspicuously branded Rolls-Royce Trent 800 series engines, each capable of delivering 90,000 lbs of thrust. These were found attached to the wings in accordance with the manufacturer’s guidelines.

Upgraded in-flight diversion options included video-on-demand to each seat, seat-to-seat telephony, SMS and email. Had it not been for high levels of fatigue on the part of Kahuna, GSM-evangelist Professor Gordon would have received a short message originating at cruise altitude. Attempts to watch The Phantom of the Opera as recommended by the Teddybear were foiled by constant intervention of the cabin crew intent on serving some item of chow. Kahuna finally succumbed to sleep while the Music of the Night was disturbingly rendered over the drone of the engines operating in high-bypass mode.

Upon landing at Colombo, the cascade-type thrust reverser of the right engine was observed in operation (pictured here on a similar aircraft).

The Gordon threat level during the past week was found to be considerably lower than forecast, with the false prophet lying inexplicably low. An imminent Huggles threat level (to St Vandoofus) has been forecast for the next week with the serial hugger expressing clear intent to hug at first sight.

Kahuna Departs Unexpectedly for the Orient

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- In unexpected developments, Kahuna departed for the Orient by means of a Boeing 777-300 aircraft this morning. No reason was given for the sudden departure, but it appeared that Kahuna had no intention of using a Gordon Blimp. In related news, an elevated Gordon threat level has been forecast for the coming week with possible defamatory blogging by the arch-mechanic.

KNN will monitor this developing situation.

Gordon Floats Dirigibles Venture

GANEMULLA, Sri Lanka – In a press conference held this morning, crackpot inventor and industry heavyweight, Professor Gordon announced his intention of diversifying into lighter-than-air vehicles with a new venture know as Gordon Dirigibles LLC. Explaining his business plan to the media, Gordon expounded his desire to challenge the aerial superiority of Boeing Inc and Airbus SAS with high-speed, hydrogen-powered airships. He added that the new company would be a wholly-owned and fully-funded subsidiary of Gordon Industries.

Industry analysts believe that Gordon is attempting to rekindle the golden era of hydrogen-powered airships that ended disastrously with the Hindenburg in 1937. Commenting that this was a highly explosive business venture, they added that it was just as well that Gordon’s liability was limited.

The portly one also unveiled plans to challenge the weight-loss industry with his custom-built personal blimps. These he said, would usher in an entirely new era of weight-loss that didn’t involve eating less. Nutritionists were up in arms against the idea maintaining that it was pure hogwash.

Kahuna was not available for comment, having decided to commune with nature.

The Mountain Lake

The Mountain Lake, Watercolor by B Kahuna.

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- After more than a decade, I tried my hand at painting in watercolor again today, with quite satisfying results. This was based on pencil sketch I made over the last week or so. I should have used heavier paper or at least stretched this one, though. It started to buckle a bit when applying each wash. The masking tape also misbehaved and decided to bond a bit too tightly to the paper. These are minor technicalities that will be fixed in the next release. Kahuna is happy.

Teddybear Discovered in Library

BRIGHTON, United Kingdom -- In scandalous news breaking from Brighton, the Teddybear was recently discovered in the library, reading. The bear was apparently deeply engrossed studying loss of coolant accidents in pressurised water reactors at the time of the incident.

In a statement to the media shortly afterwards, Kahuna admitted to having used His Clown Positioning System (CPS) to locate the bear and presented the following conversation as evidence:

Teddybear : Greetings
Kahuna    : Greetings
Teddybear : You won't believe where I am right now
Kahuna    : Where?
Teddybear : Guess
Kahuna    : The library?
Teddybear : Shit
Kahuna    : Indeed
Teddybear : Am I that easy?
Kahuna    : Indeed
Kahuna    : I'm also very good
Kahuna    : :-D
Teddybear : Hmm...
Kahuna    : You have much to learn
Teddybear : Hmmm... *Sulk*

The Teddybear, alleged to be cuddly, was engaged in a game of cricket and not available for comment.

"Flash" Gordon Weighs In With New Persona

GANEMULLA, Sri Lanka -- In unexpected developments breaking from the desolation of Ganemulla, arch-climatologist Professor Gordon has unilaterally declared himself to be "Flash" Gordon. This is believed to be a publicity stunt by the portly one to widen his profile and share of voice.

According to sources familiar with the situation, "Flash" Gordon is already involved in a property dispute over the planet Bungo with arch-nemesis Ching the Merciless. Both parties had apparently refused to budge from their respective stands.

Speaking to the press this morning, Kahuna proposed that a negotiated settlement should be arrived at through a joint mechanism [ekaabadda yanthraya]. He added that this was possible by joining the two factions in series to the high-voltage side of a large transformer. Political analysts mused that while this was a controversial method, Kahuna may be attempting proof by induction.

"Flash" Gordon was not available for comment, having absconded from imperial business today to retrieve Claudius, his Chief of Staff who was stranded on the roof of his rural hideout. It is believed that Claudius may have been carrying out a roof inspection at the time of the incident. Hasty attempts by "Flash" Gordon to rig a Precision Approach Path Indicator (PAPI) using a Class II laser pointer and entice Claudius have resulted in chaos with extraneous cats responding to the projection. The situation remained unresolved at the time of blogging.

KNN will provide live coverage of this developing story.