Unquotable Quotes - Part 19

The continental United States is getting on my nerves.

- Gordon, proposing to launch an intercontinental project manager seeking missile.

I'm wondering whether to send it a hooker.

- Kahuna, considering a birthday present for Vandoofus.

I’ll bludgeon you with a baguette.

- Kahuna, initiating the Bakery Wars.

A kimbula taken rectally should sort you out.

- Gordon, retaliating in the Bakery Wars.

I did drop her phone in a bowl of mushroom ravioli.

- Vandoofus, pleading guilty to culpable gadgeticide.

The relative particle size and particle density of ravioli will probably not harm a phone.

- Kahuna, providing expert testimony in the mushroom ravioli case.

Its dodgy bits of lace. Not bits of dodgy lace.

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, clarifying the use of lace in female undergarments.

You see the Short One online?

- Vandoofus, desperately seeking regulation.

A short while ago.

- Kahuna, reporting a sighting of the Regulator.

Should I quote you today too?

- Vandoofus, proposing to quote Kahuna in the dubious VanQuotes.

I am collaborating with the Short One on a short story about you.

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, announcing a strategic alliance with the Regulator.

As a citizen of a banana republic, I'm always open to bribery and corruption. I'm thinking of ditching Vandoofus and writing a short one on my own.

- The Regulator to Kahuna, offering to renege on her memorandum of understanding with Vandoofus.

Compiling. Please stand clear.

- The Compiler, taking a dubious view of code crafted by Vandoofus.

Runtime dangers still persist.

- The Compiler, declining to issue an all clear even after compilation.

The fools! How dare they refuse my custom!

- Kahuna, on learning that a store He intended to visit was closed on Saturday.

This is a short message from your personal stalker.

- The Regulator, offering Kahuna a personalised service.

I didn't know you offered a short message service.

- Kahuna, questioning the Regulator’s latest service offering.

The Hand of Kahuna is now bandaged.

- Kahuna, reporting impromptu surgery carried out on His person by the senior resident canine.

She couldn't find enough momentum if she jumped off Vesuvius.

- Kahuna to Vandoofus, on learning that the Regulator planned to crash a party.

Say something, so that I can quote you.

- Vandoofus, hunting for material for VanQuotes.

If you spell something wrong it just says, “not found,” then you have to search on Google and find the right spelling and then come back to Wiki.

- Vandoofus’s Principle of the Pursuit of Knowledge through Orthographic Enlightenment.

You think Wiki users should know how to spell everything they want to look up?

- Vandoofus’s Dilemma of Orthographic Ignorance.

There is no right way to spll [sic].

- Vandoofus’s Law of Defective Orthography.

Around? Around what? The mountain?

- Kahuna, learning that Vandoofus had been “around” and suspecting direct correlation with the nursery rhyme.

In style, yes.

- Gordon to Vandoofus, on being asked if he had landed.

Georgia doesn't seem to have reliable broadband.

- Vandoofus, observing severe oscillation in Gordon’s online presence.

I'm installing a known elephant in Cairo.

- Kahuna, revealing the reason for his presence in Egypt to Darth Teddy.

Can I help in the day to day running of the elephant?

- Darth Teddy, applying for the post of Vice President – Pachyderm Operations.

Should I send you a truckload of tissues?

- Kahuna, learning that Darth Teddy would be taking matters into his own hands.

No, rabies was not on my "to get" list.

- Darth Teddy, declining to be bitten by Kahuna.