Big Kahuna Under Pressure by Commanding Force

THE EMPIRE, Colombo -- In recent events that transpired in the uni-directional city of Colombo, we are amused to announce the passing of a long-time clown to the shackled side. This follows a considerably long line of predecessors that includes the Real Kahuna, the Groper, Huggles and Her Royal Highness and the easily forgettable individual formerly known as something that begins with "H". The event itself was quite intoxicating and thoroughly enjoyable owing to the funky attire of the groom.

However, enough about that. We need to move past the this shackling to a completely different location, namely the abode of Big Kahuna where there have been several reported attempts to attack the bachelorhood of said victim by the commanding forcing of a maternal nature. In very accurate reports there have been various inquiries made as to when this current status of bachelorhood will be deemed null and void. Kahuna in this regard has refused to make any public statements to any parties starting right from the maternal inquirer.

After conducting a number of interviews with fellow clowns on a solution to this entertaining issue the wide-felt consensus was that it was long overdue and proactive measure should be taken to amend this situation. We believe various summits with the maternal one are taking place as we speak.

That's all from us at BNN and as a parting note all we can say is that... the search is on.