Sunday, May 14, 2006

Unquotable Quotes - Part 20

By the way, is your dog okay?

- Timmy, expressing concern upon hearing of Kahuna’s squabble with His household canine.

This is what happens when you try to genetically mutate an animal against the forces of evolution and then uproot it from its natural environment and implant it in an urban one. It bites!
- Vandoofus, exposing the underlying reasons behind Kahuna being bitten by His household canine.

Right up your alley.
- Kahuna, on learning that Darth Teddy was watching Fun with Dick and Jane.

It appears we're venturing into the paranormal now.
- Gordon to Kahuna, on being told the Baroness considered their aviation misadventures to be outside the mainstream.

This can apparently happen when a mother with three children flying from Narita makes a mistake in the wee hours.
- Kahuna to Gordon, explaining the mysterious circumstances under which His baggage vanished.

Why does everyone write so much?
- Vandoofus, indicating displeasure at Kahuna’s long-winded discourses on the Circus.

Probably got intimidated by my presence.
- Vandoofus, commenting on Darth Teddy’s vanishing act during a conference.

Would you like my sausage?
- Darth Teddy, offering Vandoofus a bratwurst.

I think your sausage is hazardous.
- Kahuna, taking a toxic view of Darth Teddy’s sausage.

As far as I know [Darth Teddy] is in line to become my next mini-me.
- Vandoofus, unveiling plans for Darth Teddy.

Turning up at 3 am is not acceptable.
- Darth Teddy, expressing irritation at being visited by Kahuna in the wee hours.

He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a cow.
- Kahuna to Her Royal Highness, on being told that Huggles was constructing a milkshake.

You should not be letting [Huggles] near any electrical gadgets!
- Her Royal Highness, reporting a botched milkshake construction due to a blender bungled by the serial hugger.

He should only be given blunt soft items, like boobies.
- Darth Teddy’s Generalised Huggles Theorem.

I want Gordon.
- Darth Teddy, desperately seeking Gordon.

Holy crap.
- Darth Teddy, hearing that Kahuna planned to cook dinner.

Oh, it’s the grizzly.
- Gordon, realizing that Darth Teddy was at the remote end of an instant messaging session.

I prefer Kodiak please.
- Darth Teddy, indicating his preference to Gordon.

What the fuck are you doing in that idiot’s bedroom?
- Gordon to Darth Teddy, after unearthing the latter in Kahuna’s Chambers.

I always suspected you were a barbarian.
- Gordon, noting that the cheesecake constructed by Kahuna had been labelled a decadent dessert.

Your family is starting to login from various locations.
- Kahuna, filing a formal complaint on the global online presence of Clan Gordon.

You might be firing up the hounds of hell for all I know.
- Gordon, learning that Kahuna was firing up Google Earth.

Hogwash. You could carry many forms of rabies.
- Darth Teddy, declining yet another offer to be bitten by Kahuna.

What is the elevation?
- Kahuna to Gordon, after being told the latitude and longitude of the latter’s stronghold in Georgia.

Gmail will make it simpler by using the Google Earth API to provide the sender's ICBM locator. You can reply ballistically.
- Kahuna to Gordon, expounding His vision for advanced functionality in Gmail.

Select [ ] conventional, [ ] nuclear, [ ] chemical or [ ] biological?
- Gordon, extrapolating the new Gmail user interface.

There'll also be an [ ] I'm feeling lucky today.
- Kahuna, laying down user interface standards.

You are using this service at your own risk. You hereby agree that your actions may be in direct violation of the Geneva Convention and numerous United Nations resolutions on the non-proliferation of weaponry. Google does not guarantee that the delivery will only obliterate the intended location and damage/disturbance to neighbors will be at your own risk. This service is provided as-is and will be subject to the availability of silos.
- Gordon, proposing the new Gmail disclaimer.

You bought a camera didn’t you?
- Darth Teddy, learning that Kahuna had succumbed to temptation.

So many windows madame, so little time.
- Darth Teddy, paraphrasing Giacomo Casanova in Lasse Hallström’s 2005 production, Casanova.

Be the flame – not the moth.
- Darth Teddy, emphasising a key message from Lasse Hallström’s Casanova.

I believe I’m still just a spark, not a flame.
- Darth Teddy, denying charges of deep market penetration across Asia and most of Europe.

We’re still trying to put out the fires you lit.
- Kahuna, smouldering at Darth Teddy’s highly flammable frolics.

During the meal, the household feline attempted to mate with it.
- Kahuna to Gordon, reporting Darth Teddy’s attempts at starting a fire with His cat.

You could be screwing too hard.
- Kahuna to Darth Teddy, on inexplicable fusing of light bulbs at the latter’s premises.

It was never a problem before.
- Darth Teddy, in his own defense.

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