Teddybear Decadent, Gordon Stockpiling, Says Kahuna

LAS KAHUNAS, Nevada -- Kahuna denied any involvement in weapons trafficking late Sunday, and accused the Teddybear of holding an orgy to eclipse all orgies, including those held in ancient Rome. He added that the remnants of the WMD (Weapons of Mass Decadence) left behind at the scene of the debauchery clearly illustrated the extent of the sordid goings-on. Investigators suspect that the Teddybear may have been cuddling with his Indian and Italian counterparts during the night in question. However, no evidence of these activities has come to light thus far.

Kahuna also charged that the notorious El Gordo alias Professor Gordon was stockpiling arms and called for a search of the criminal mastermind’s rural lair. He noted that the Shrub Administration was still hunting high and low for the so-called WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction) Gordon removed from Iraq.

When contacted, Gordon defended his actions, asserting that the WMD were for his personal use, and therefore, allowed under his proposed Freedom of Destruction Act. Political analysts believe that Gordon may use WMD to fast track his legislation through parliament à la Guy Fawkes.

The Orgibear ... sorry, Teddybear was unable to comment due to the continuing after-effects of the orgy. Huggles, meanwhile is reportedly being pursued by the catering staff of the Bank of Ghana (BOG), allegedly for purposes of consummating some form of civil union. The serial hugger had taken himself into protective custody and was not available for comment.

KNN will continue to provide rib-tickling coverage of these developing events.