The Eve of Samhain

INVERGORDON, Scotland -- The dark half of the year begins tonight with the Eve of Samhain. Winter is upon us and the world grows colder. Kahuna announced that He would be presiding over bonfire ceremonies later tonight, and did not rule out sacrificing Darth Teddy on grounds of dubious cuddliness.

It is believed that Darth Gordon will do the rounds tonight in a highly modified, polarity reversed vacuum cleaner. The portly one has decided against the traditional broomstick due to concerns of increased drag given his generous aerodynamic profile. It is also believed that the device will be heavily cloaked to avoid radar.

Kahuna accused Gordon of attempting to cause global warming by operating a SUV with complete disregard for the environment. Industry analysts cautioned that Gordon’s indiscriminate gas guzzling could result in a severe emission problem while escalating demand and triggering an oil crisis. Responding to critics, Gordon angrily declared that his vacuum cleaner was environmentally friendly and denied that it was powered by flatulence.

The situation remained flammable at the time of blogging and KNN will monitor the situation with a blowtorch.