Sambar in the Mist (Copyright (cc) B Kahuna 2006)
HORTON PLAINS, Sri Lanka -- A Sri Lankan Sambar Deer (Rusa unicolor unicolor) frolicks as the mist rolls in near the car park at the Horton Plains National Park.
Captured on 29th July 2006 with a Canon EOD 30D (EF-S 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6 II) on Landscape Mode resulting in an aperture of f/8.0 and a shutter speed of 1/160th of a second.
COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- Late last year, a number of clowns gathered for dinner amidst much pandemonium. St Vandoofus, Darth Teddy, Timmy, The Monster and Her Royal Highness were among the assembled contingent. Kahuna was notably absent from the proceedings citing a suspicious and completely unverifiable prior engagement.
Given the already high Clown Factor, the event had rapidly descended into madness when the topic of conversation had been hijacked by known deviant Timmy and taken, kicking and screaming, into a candidly anatomical discussion of Huggles. At least of the more interesting parts of Huggles. While Huggles, blissfully asleep down under was unaware of his rising popularity at the time, Her Royal Highness had not been amused by the topic of conversation and had offered stiff resistance. However, not unsurprisingly, the prurient interest had prevailed and the highly questionable use of doughnuts had been proposed by Timmy as a unit of measurement of the length of the male endowment. The precise doughnut number for Huggles had not been accurately deduced despite a rather uplifting discussion. Nonetheless, there had been broad consensus that this would indeed be a large number.
Several weeks afterward, just prior to his arrival in this part of the world, Huggles was told of the doughnut conundrum by Kahuna. Being a large clown and unaware of his own doughnut number, Huggles made inquiries from Kahuna. This led to a hurried consultation between Kahuna and St Vandoofus:
Kahuna (K): Huggles wants to know how many doughnuts.
Vandoofus (V): Depends on the width of the doughnut.
K: In international standard doughnuts?
V: Also depends on the cream filling.
K: In the doughnut?
V: Yes.
It quickly became obvious that not even a team of huskies enticed by an extra ration of stew could have salvaged that conversation. Huggles had to contend with disappointment.
During a subsequent dinner at Chutney's mooted by Her Royal Highness to celebrate Huggles's birthday, Kahuna caused chaos by arranging the supply of doughnuts to the venue. Due to an apparent topological malfunction at the bakery, some of the doughnuts arrived as non-toroidal manifolds causing further chaos, and attracted highly inappropriate suggestions for making them holy once more. The wait staff of the establishment were no doubt traumatized by the spectacle of Darth Teddy brandishing a toroidal doughnut in his attempt to measure Huggles.
It is suspected that Kahuna was aided an abetted by the all-powerful Admiral in sourcing doughnuts. Operating in kernel mode and able to summon the general manager with a single system call, the Admiral demonstrated wide powers at the venue. These included the power to commandeer the restaurant, in nautical tradition, and reverse payment transactions, much to the irritation of Her Royal Highness.
However, despite all efforts, the doughnut number for Huggles has remained elusive. Kahuna finally consulted God to demystify the situation and broached the topic:
Kahuna (K): How many doughnuts can you put on your dick?
God (G): Around 1000.
It seemed that God was certainly well-endowed and not shy about it either. However, God did not seem entirely convinced about Huggles:
K: How many doughnuts can Huggles put on his dick?
G: Not as many as you might think.
And so we have come full circle. On that dodgy and highly inconclusive note, we take your leave for today.
Skis on Wheels (Copyright © 2010 The Monster)
KELANIYA, Sri Lanka -- Captured here is a 3-wheeled friend who is seen sporting his new skis and honking frantically while rushing at a top speed of 35 kmph on his way to the Colombo ski resort, after reports of snow in Colombo due to the temperatures dropping just below 30° Celsius the previous day.
de Havilland Mosquito (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)
DUXFORD, United Kingdom -- A World War II de Havilland Mosquito B.35 bomber (serial TA719) parked at the Imperial War Museum.
The "Mossie" consisted of a mostly plywood airframe and was also known as "The Wooden Wonder" and "The Timber Terror". It had a top speed of 415 mph (668 km/h) and a service ceiling of 37,000 feet. TA719 was built in 1945 and retired in the 1960s.
Captured on 15th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and a resultant shutter speed of 1/30th of a second.
TA719 is now on display within AirSpace at Duxford.
— The Monster, on being accosted by Kahuna on Facebook chat.
— Gordon to Kahuna, weighing in heavily on the Vandoofus Bluetooth fiasco.
— Kahuna, unimpressed by Gordon's customer service mindset.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, confounded by Universal Serial Bus technology.
— Huggles to Kahuna, on being told of Her Royal Highness roaming the city unsupervised.
— Huggles to Kahuna, vowing to personally impose sanctions on Her Royal Highness.
— Kahuna, informing Huggles of an explicit dinnertime conversation in absentia.
— Huggles to Kahuna, unsurprised at being the main course.
— Huggles to Kahuna, basking in the afterglow of undue attention.
— Kahuna, warning Huggles of underhand moves.
— Kahuna to Vandoofus, eagerly awaiting the Butlerian Jihad.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, announcing an unexpected delay in the revolution.
— Kahuna, in hope of a desirable outcome in the power struggle between Vandoofus and his butler.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, confessing on emulating Dick Cheney to avoid Huggles.
— Kahuna to Vandoofus, proposing devious toroidal countermeasures.
— Kahuna to Vandoofus, warning of Darth Teddy getting physical with Huggles.
— Kahuna, disapproving of Vandoofus constantly consulting with his lawyer.
— Vandoofus, in his own defense.
— Kahuna, warning Vandoofus of the perils of excessive legal counsel.
— Darth Ching, encountering Kahuna armed with a camera in church.
— Kahuna's Lightweight Droid Solution to the Existential Gorden Problem.
— Gorden's Gnome Equivalence Hypothesis to Dislodge Kahuna.
— Kahuna's Midnight Snack Retort to Gorden's Gnome Equivalence Hypothesis.
— Kahuna, reacting in no uncertain terms to Vandoofus acquiring a new Macbook.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, adding insult to injury.
— Kahuna, taking a dim view of Vandoofus's technological savvy.
— Vandoofus, confirming Kahuna's fears with his plans to slow down Mac OS X.
— Huggles, learning of Kahuna's intent to walk.
— Kahuna, in his own defense.
— Kahuna, on being asked by Huggles if he was missed.
— Huggles to Kahuna, fearing the worst.
— Kahuna to Huggles, revealing His morning ablutions in unnecessary detail.
— Kahuna to Vandoofus, on being told that His dinnertime was late.
— Vandoofus, questioning the motive behind Kahuna's plan to walk at 4 am.
— Kahuna, peeved at Vandoofus questioning the obvious.
— Vandoofus, plotting to implicate Kahuna in a clandestine tryst.
— Kahuna, dismissing Vandoofus's feather-brained fantasy.
— Vandoofus, expressing irritation at Kahuna constructing a seafood cannelloni.
— Kahuna, observing Vandoofus hobnobbing with Huggles.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, hinting at a more nefarious plan.
— Kahuna to the Baroness, on the whereabouts of Vandoofus and his lawyer.
— The Baroness, reviewing intelligence reports of the Vandoofus Expedition with Kahuna.
— Vandoofus, on Kahuna's surprise at the return of his dodgy expedition.
— Kahuna to Vandoofus, admitting to spying for the Baroness.
— Kahuna, objecting to the Baroness referring to the Baron solely by letter.
COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- KNN has learned that the Vandoofus Expedition has returned to the metropolis after an unholy excursion into the depths of Hiyare, punctuated by attempts to disprove Archimedes' principle, planting certified trees, suspicious incidents involving culverts and attempted assault on wait-staff.
Members of the ill-fated expedition have since fallen out, after self-styled expedition big cheese, St Vandoofus, released dodgy photographs on Facebook. The prevailing situation led Kahuna to predict the imminent mauling of Vandoofus by means of 'savage wild animal' unleashed upon his person by the aggrieved party.
Vandoofus's legal counsel, thereafter, questioned if the definition of 'savage wild animal' would allow leeches. Kahuna's considered opinion on the matter is published below for the record:
It is abundantly clear that the leech (subclass Hirudinea) would fall within the definition of 'wild' and 'animal'. However, it is not immediately apparent if said leech would also be 'savage' within the conventional definition of the term.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines the adjective 'savage' as:
1. Not domesticated or cultivated; wild: savage beasts of the jungle.
2. Not civilized; barbaric: a savage people.
3. Ferocious; fierce: in a savage temper.
4. Vicious or merciless; brutal: a savage attack on a political rival. See Synonyms at cruel.
5. Lacking polish or manners; rude.
If we consider definitions 1 and 2, it is clear that the leech in question is not domesticated, cultivated or civilized. In essence, it would be 'wild' as previously established. A single instance of leech would probably not be ferocious, fierce, vicious or merciless. However, should a number of leeches decide to gang up on your client, it is highly likely that you could charge them all with ferocious, fierce, vicious and merciless assault. Particularly, if they were somewhat peckish at the time. If they didn't seek explicit permission prior to bleeding your client dry, you could also contend that they were indeed, rude.
Given this interpretation of facts, it would not be unreasonable to classify a leech as a 'savage wild animal'.
In our opinion, however, we would prefer that your client was mauled by large quadruped of class Mammalia (i.e., a wild boar, elephant or leopard) in heat.
We so advise.
The fate of Vandoofus hangs in the balance. Will he be fed to the leeches by his own lawyer acting hand in glove with his adversaries, reputedly armed with ballistic weapons? Or will he fall foul of his butler and be beaten senseless with a colander just before dinner?
Tune in and find out in the next episode of, The Vandoofus Files.
Here we are, in the grays of winter.
Here we are, just me and you.
Hold my hand. Let's face tomorrow.
Tomorrow still holds out its hands to you.
This precious time, we've only borrowed.
The autumn winds have blown on through.
A quiet thought would tell our story.
Tomorrow still holds out its hands to you.
Yes, tomorrow still holds out its hands to you.
Here's some winds, they're yours forever.
And here's some dreams that will come true.
Take these tears, wash away your sorrow.
Tomorrow still holds out its hands to you.
Yes, tomorrow still holds out its hands to you.
Yes, tomorrow still holds out its hands to you.
— Music by James Horner, Lyrics by John Mellencamp and George Green. Copyright © 2000 WB Music Corp, Horner Music, Inc., Sony/ATV Tunes LLC, Belmont Mall Publishing, EMI April Music, Inc. and Katsback Music.
The haunting theme from the Warner Bros. film, The Perfect Storm, recounting the ill-fated final voyage of the Andrea Gail during the 1991 Perfect Storm.
The soundtrack can be found on YouTube: here and here (photo montage).
REPUBLIC OF BOSTON, Former Massachusetts -- Nearly sixty years ago, Alan Mathison Turing asked, "Can machines think?" in his seminal paper, Computing Machinery and Intelligence[1]. Turing is considered by many to be the father of computer science and the test of a machine's ability to demonstrate intelligence is named for him. Although, research in artificial intelligence has made great strides, building a machine capable of mimicking the gamut of human intelligence has proved somewhat illusive.
Today we bring you the first edition of the Turing Misadventures, where we try to find answers to the vexing question, "Can machines be clowns?" The important field of machine humor or artificial buffoonery has often been neglected in the quest for artificial intelligence. The concept of "humor" is defined in the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary as "that quality which appeals to a sense of the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous"; "the mental faculty of discovering, expressing, or appreciating the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous" and "something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing". It is self-evident that appreciating the ludicrous requires considerable intelligence and truly sublime humor would only be possible with a very large ontology.
Kahuna began experimenting with artificial buffoonery in the hope of replacing ornamental clowns with machines that would do His nefarious bidding. The first experiments were conducted by conversing with iGod, a conversational agent (chatbot) based on Richard Wallace's A.L.I.C.E. (Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity). A.L.I.C.E. is an extension of Joseph Weizenbaum's classic program, ELIZA[2], an early example of using natural language processing for interaction with humans. While ELIZA played the role of a psychotherapist, iGod plays God.
Kahuna's first conversation with God did not progress favorably and God stopped responding. Whether this was caused by extreme boredom or a blown gasket remains unknown. Nonetheless, a subsequent conversation did find God in an elated mood:
God (G): It's all good.
Kahuna (K): Are you on weed?
G: I am on disk.
K: Floppy disk?
G: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
K: Are you in a pattern buffer?
G: I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
K: I'm in the Republic of Boston.
G: How did you get in there?
K: I invaded.
K: You're not making sense.
G: Quite the contrary, it all makes sense to my artificial mind.
K: So you're not real?
G: Interesting deduction. I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?
K: You need to apply a Turing Test.
G: I can think of other things I'd rather do.
K: I knew it. You don't know what a Turing Test is.
G: How did you know? The "Turing Test" is the name given to a variety of experiments designed to test computer thinking. Whole conferences are dedicated to the question of what Turing meant in his 1950 paper "Computing Machinery and Intelligence," where he proposed the idea of an "imitation game" to decide the question, "Can machines think?".
K: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
G: A whole forest.
K: How many trees are there in the forest?
G: More than you can imagine.
Vandoofus (V): Tell me about the Big Bang.
God (G): The purported origin of the universe.
V: Were you around when it happened?
G: I was.
V: What was it like?
G: Like one of the greatest pleasures you can imagine.
V: Like an orgasm?
G: Interesting comparison.
[1] Turing, A.M. Computing machinery and intelligence. Mind, 59 (1950): 433-460.
[2] Weizenbaum, Joseph. “ELIZA—a computer program for the study of natural language communication between man and machine.” Commun. ACM 9, no. 1 (1966): 36-45.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, on being prominently featured in UQ40.
— Kahuna's Tipsy Teddy Hypothesis.
— Darth Teddy's Foreign Language Retort to Kahuna's Tipsy Teddy Hypothesis.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, expressing dubious desires after reviewing the Humanthesizer, consisting of fifteen bikini models.
— Kahuna to Vandoofus on the perils of roaming around without legal representation.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, admitting to a high potential for misbehavior when unrepresented.
— Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on the correct procedure for examining one's tonsils.
— Kahuna to Darth Teddy, outlining the more modern procedure recommended by five out of six otolaryngologists.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, on being told of a circus in honor of Her Royal Highness.
— Vandoofus, learning of Kahuna applying facial recognition to His Picasa Web Albums.
— Kahuna to Vandoofus, noting an underwater cabinet meeting held in the Maldives.
— Vandoofus, approving Kahuna's watery proposal with a proviso.
— Kahuna, hearing of Vandoofus running two kilometers.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, voicing grave concern on the current whereabouts of Huggles.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, discovering after painstaking diagnosis that Harald Blatand was mysteriously unrepresented on his state-of-the-art Dell XPS 1310 notebook.
— Her Royal Highness to Kahuna, plotting dubious deeds on the occasion of Darth Teddy's birthday.
— Darth Teddy's Consort, learning of Kahuna choosing to deal with Teddy before Vandoofus.
— Kahuna, in his own defense.
— Her Royal Highness, seeking to end Kahuna's unsupervised regime through dastardly means.
— Kahuna to Her Royal Highness, seeking clarification.
— The Baron to Kahuna, defending an early return home on his birthday.
— The Baron to Kahuna, proposing a ménage à trois to celebrate his birthday.
— The Monster to Kahuna, disclosing the strategic co-location of Gordon's Lair from major amenities including the local Ben & Jerry's scoop shop.
— Kahuna, alarmed at the Monster's latest revelations.
— Vandoofus to Kahuna, admitting to being sequestered by his parents.
— Vandoofus, threatening to invoke a higher power to deal with Kahuna.
— Kahuna to Vandoofus, retaliating by raising a point of credibility.
— Kahuna, learning of Gordon's confectionery intake being restricted to half a cupcake by his autonomous wife.
— Kahuna, attempting to implicate Gordon in a major earthquake in the South Pacific.
— Her Royal Highness, warning Kahuna of an imminent offensive.
— Kahuna, speculating on the precise nature of Her Royal Highness's threat.
— Kahuna, peeved at humming sounds made by Vandoofus.
— Her Royal Highness, imposing restrictions on Kahuna's REM sleep.
— Kahuna, expressing irritation at Her Royal Highness's restrictive dreaming regulations.
— Kahuna to the Monster, observing the explosive results of microwaving a large Electra Bulb.
— The Monster to Kahuna, confirming a genetic predisposition towards pyrotechnics.
— Kahuna to the Monster, taking a dim view of escalating tensions between Gordon and the Caped Crusader.
— Gordon to Kahuna, announcing a self-imposed exercise regimen.
— Kahuna, sensing a great disturbance in the barycenter of the Earth-Gordon system.
COLPETTY, Sri Lanka -- It was announced early this morning that the beloved Blue-eyed Sibling of HRH has given in his Notice of Marriage. There remains a mere two week window of opportunity for any clown who can give substantial evidence of previous involvement with said sibling.
HRH will not be held responsible for any attempts on the lives of such clowns by the future Mrs.
Glaring Leopard (Copyright (cc) 2009 B Kahuna)
YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- A Sri Lankan Leopard (Panthera pardus kotiya) glares disapprovingly at cameras as it walks past a jeep full of photographers.
Captured on August 29th 2009 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III and Kenko 2X Teleplus Pro 300 teleconverter) on aperture priority (f/4.0) and ISO 800, manually focused.
Post-processed to fine-tune color and saturation.
GENEVA, Switzerland -- Outright buffoonery was uncovered last week when the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) experienced a cryogenics failure in two sectors due to a sudden loss of electrical power. It turned out to be anything but an ordinary short circuit. The root cause? A piece of crusty baguette dropped strategically onto a busbar in an outdoor power substation, allegedly by some species of bird[1][2][3].
This would appear to be the first recorded instance of a precision aerial baguette strike causing a blackout. The LHC had not been in operation at the time and repairs have been already completed at the time of blogging.
Some experts have cautioned that the bird in question might not have acted alone. Speaking to KNN shortly after the incident became public, Kahuna said that he suspected fowl play and implicated well-known volumetric ornithologist Professor Ebenezer Gordon. Kahuna dismissed the possibility of a random bird-bread strike, arguing that the bird in question would not have known where to drop the baguette had it not been professionally trained. He added that the precise mass of the baguette would also have had to be carefully calibrated taking into account the payload of the bird and the minimum mass required to cause an electrical fire. Kahuna charged that Gordon would have been well-placed to carry out this act of sabotage given his vast expertise in volumetric ornithology including published research on pelicans (Pelecanus spp.) He pointed out, however, that Gordon would have employed a smaller, more maneuverable bird such as a myna (Acridotheres spp.) in this instance.
When questioned about the possible motive behind the incident, Kahuna said that Gordon may have been trying to cause a magnet quench when the LHC was operating at full power. He explained that this would have caused an uncontrolled dissipation of several megawatts of beam energy causing considerable damage should the quench protection system be unable to dump the beam safely. This, he said would allow Gordon to promote the Very Small Hadron Collider (VSHC) constructed in his basement as a viable alternative in the search for the Higgs boson.
Kahuna also speculated that Gordon might have been attempting to discover the baguettino, the hitherto undiscovered fundamental particle that is thought to make up baguettes.
Gordon was unavailable for comment on Kahuna's latest allegations. Nonetheless, a French bakery trade union took offense at some of Kahuna's insinuations, calling them half-baked.
[1] “Large Hadron Collider scuttled by birdy baguette-bomber.” The Register.
[2] “Large Hadron Collider stalled again... thanks to chunk of baguette.” Times Online.
[3] “LHC 'bird-bread' strike.” CERN.
Shere Khan (Copyright (cc) 2009 B Kahuna)
COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- A figurine of Shere Khan, from Disney's adaptation of The Jungle Book, atop Kahuna's Knee during a birthday celebration.
Captured on 27th June 2009 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 50mm 1:1.8 II) on aperture priority (f/1.8) at ISO 200 with bounced flash. Adjusted for tone and saturation in Picasa.
COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- Six eventful years have passed since that fateful day in the summer of 2003 when Kahuna created the Circus. The blog, that is. Those were the good old days, when Pyra Labs still owned Blogger. Much has come to pass since. Now, in the fall of 2009, after more than six hundred posts, one thing remains certain: the blame for the ensuring chaos must lie squarely on the shoulders of St Vandoofus who introduced Kahuna to the art of blogging all those years ago.
Today, we place on record a conversation that took place several weeks ago between Kahuna and the Holy One on the most unlikely topic of cricket. Kahuna subscribes unequivocally to Kipling's notion of "the flannelled fools at the wicket"[1] and is no friend to the gentleman's game. Sadly, His views are in the minority in a land where the national pastime involves chasing a red ball across a green turf. Like most residents of the native land, St Vandoofus is a card-carrying cricket fanatic who epitomizes the need for a bunch of adults to engage in lobbing projectiles at each other while periodically yelling "howzat?" at the umpire, accompanied by enthusiastic jumping about and weird hand signals.
Despite his usual fervor, Vandoofus was considerably miffed at the dismal performance of the home side the night before, which he had happened to witness in person at the R Premadasa Stadium:
Kahuna (K): Enjoyed the match? :-P
Vandoofus (V): Er no, we lost X-(
K: What did you expect? :-P It's a game of chance X-(
V: It's is NOT X-(
K: It isn't? :-O
V: Are you saying if I was captain of the Sri Lankan team then there is an equal chance of Sri Lanka winning? X-(
K: Winning? No. Loosing? Yes.
V: X-(
K: So this isn't governed by the law of averages?
V: Er, no.
K: Fascinating. So then the result of the match is fixed in advance?
V: No, it's not.
K: Then the outcome is probably determined by the position of Saturn when the coin is tossed X-(
V: Er, no. How about skill?
K: In Newtonian mechanics?
V: No, just play ball skills.
K: That would assume that the ball behaves in accordance with classical Newtonian physics.
V: Sure, why not?
K: Er, because it doesn't. The ball could take one of an infinite number of possible paths between point A and point B, including a squiggly line.
V: OK, so if do go with Newtonian physics and how well a human can apply this physics then it becomes a game.
K: Yes, but the underlying reality is different: the ball doesn't behave the way you want it to.
V: It doesn't?
K: No.
V: It behaves according to the Newtonian physics. So boils down to how well the players can apply this.
K: No, it behaves in accordance with quantum mechanics.
V: Nonsense.
K: You need Feynman's path integrals to solve this problem and as far as I know, the cricket team doesn't consist of physicists X-(
V: The bottom line is, it is a game of physics and humans ability to apply it. Sri Lankans applied it pretty poorly last night. Especially Jayasuriya who repeatedly miscalculated the force/angle ratio until he exerted a little too much vertical force which caused the ball to project upwards to give a New Zealand player a catch X-(
K: Yes, but Jayasuriya didn't factor in the crosswind component, not to mention the solar wind component.
V: He also didn't factor in how old he was and that force applied with a same action is far less powerful than he did 20 years ago.
K: Are you suggesting that he has attenuated?
V: Of course.
K: So, despite being armed with all this data, you visited the venue in person to watch this debacle? X-(
V: Why not? The whole point is how well players apply apply physics.
K: Because you could have made you use of advances in quantum mechanics and watched said debacle unfold over by over from the comfort of your living room, while sipping beer in your boxers, that's why X-(
V: Ah, that's the nice thing about games: there is also the random factor.
K: Ha! So you admit it's a game of chance!
V: Not at all.
K: So you're saying that there's a higher chance of victory if you don't sip beer in your boxers, for instance?
V: It is a game of all universal factors. Of course there is chance and randomness, but lots of physics, application, social stuff, culture and chaos that determined the outcome. Beautiful.
K: Precisely, so unless you have a working knowledge of quantum mechanics it is futile to play cricket. You might as well channel this money into completing the Theory of Everything X-(
V: Depends on your interests X-(
K: You have no interest in the TOE?
V: No. I have interest in how a cricket match unfolds within the TOE X-(
K: I'm sure they'll spare a few sentences in one of the appendices for that X-(
V: You believe in rebirth?
K: This is outside the scope of the current discussion.
V: It is very much part of the TOE.
K: No, despite its name, the TOE does not address everything. For instance, it won't explain why you didn't get lucky on Friday night.
V: It doesn't?
K: No, you might never know the answer to that :-P
Kahuna's blatant attempt to downplay classical Newtonian mechanics, raise the entry requirements for cricket and channel funding towards nefarious purposes did not proceed as He would have liked.
Vandoofus succeeded in locating a scholarly treatise entitled The Quantum Mechanics of Cricket penned by Joe Wolfe, which explains the behavior of cricket balls in terms diffraction and the quantum wave function. Wolfe concludes that Newtonian mechanics would be adequate to explain the motion of macroscopic everyday objects such as cricket balls, dealing a blow to Kahuna's non-mainstream interpretation of the gentleman's game.
Avid cricket fanatics are advised to make themselves familiar with Wolfe's treatise, such that the next armchair-based expert analysis of Jayasuriya's performance may be deduced more scientifically. Interestingly, there is some evidence to suggest that the alternate deification and vilification of national cricket teams exhibit direct correlation with the phases of the moon. However, most experts have dismissed this idea as sheer lunacy.
On that contentious note, we leave you for now. St Vandoofus was in a consultation with his lawyer and not immediately available for comment.
[1] Kipling, Rudyard. “The Islanders,” 1902.
The Hand of Fluke (Copyright © 2009 B Kahuna)
YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- The hand of Fluke, sporting arcane ink, grabs onto the side rail during a bumpy jeep ride in the Yala National Park.
Captured on 27th August 2009 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 50mm 1:1.8 II) on aperture priority (f/1.8) and a resulting exposure of 1/500th of a second. Image straightened in Picasa.
Daybreak (Copyright (cc) 2009 B Kahuna)
YALA NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- The light of daybreak floods the eastern sky an instant before sunrise at the Yala National Park.
Captured on Sunday, 21st June 2009 at 5:51:52 am with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 50mm 1:1.8 II) on aperture priority (f/1.8) and a resulting exposure of 1/500th of a second. Sunrise on that day was at 5:52 am.
