The Blare GITT Project

GANEMULLA, Sri Lanka -- KNN has uncovered a sinister plot by Kahuna-wannabe, Professor Gordon to convert his flagship automobile, the Gordon Industries Ten Thousand (GITT) into a mobile theater system.

Dissatisfied with his home theater system, the portly one plans to convert GITT into a fully functional THX-certified cinema experience with Dolby SR Digital surround-sound. This is expected to raise surround-sound to an entirely new volume with nearby motorists also immersed in the acoustics. It is believed that a highly-modified muffler will deliver the Low Frequency Effects (LFE) channel, while GITT’s xenon headlamps would drive a quasi-holographic regular free space display that would appear to hang in mid-air in front of the vehicle. It was not immediately clear if Gordon intended to charge motorists for sharing his cinema experience.

According to sources close the crackpot inventor, Gordon has already begun retrofitting GITT to realize his raucous vision. The core architecture will include a Fibre Channel Storage Area Network (SAN) consisting of redundant switches and disk subsystems. Though redundant, Gordon’s disk arrays are understood to be expensive. Frustrated with RAID 5, Gordon is believed to be implementing a stripe-mirrored (RAID 1+0) solution using 2-Gbps 73.4 GB (15K RPM) Fibre Channel disk drives. The system—with capacities exceeding a terabyte—is intended to store his music and movie collection for instant rendition through a voice-activated interface sourced from the foul, dark depths of Redmond.

Environmentalists cautioned that Gordon’s latest move was a serious threat to the sanctity of the surroundings. Speaking to the media, Kahuna said that He would deploy a fleet of His active noise control units to deal with the public nuisance swiftly and noiselessly.

The False Prophet was last seen in the Pettah dressed as bargain hunter, attempting to locate shock-proof mounting kits for his disk subsystems. It is believed that he was confounded in this quest by merchants inexplicably not wishing to part with their wares.

This is a developing story and KNN will continue to provide hilarious coverage.