The Mercat Cross

The Mercat Cross (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

INVERNESS, Scotland -- The Falcon Square Mercat Cross is a sandstone pillar 37 feet high, with a rearing unicorn on top and the sides adorned by a falcon spiralling down in the four successive stages of its attacking manoeuvre. The third and forth stage can be seen in the photograph, which was cropped slightly to eliminate the roof of a nearby Marks and Spencer. The sculpture was designed by Gerald Laing and unveiled in June 2003.

Historically, a Mercat Cross is a monument found in Scottish cities, at the center of commerce where merchants used to gather. The Old Mercat Cross in Inverness is located opposite the town hall. At its base is the Clachnacudainn or Stone of Tubs. This is where women used to rest their washing tubs when they climbed up from the river Ness. The name Inverness means at the mouth of the Ness in Scots Gaelic.

Captured on 13^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and a millisecond shutter. 

Unicorn Rampant

Unicorn Rampant (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

INVERNESS, Scotland -- A unicorn rears atop the Falcon Square Mercat Cross in Inverness, against an overcast sky.

Captured on 13^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/4) and a shutter speed of one millisecond. 

Avoiding Google Mapping

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- Here's an interesting post written by Itai Lahan on protecting strategic installations from Google Mapping. Makes hilarious reading. Read the rest of his blog, Online Circus, which has also been added to the sidebar.

Götterdämmerung

Götterdämmerung (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- Night falls over the Valhalla anchored in Kyleakin bay, reminding Kahuna of Odin's hall in Asgard where the slain are gloriously welcomed. Götterdämmerung^[1], the Twilight of the Gods.

Captured on 11^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and 1/3^rd of a second shutter.

^[1] Last of the four operas comprising Richard Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen (The Ring of the Nibelung).  

Skye Bridge at Dusk

Sky Bridge at Dusk (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- Dusk washes over the controversial Skye Bridge linking Kyleakin with the mainland. Eilean Bàn, the White Island can be seen to the right. The lighthouse can be seen under the bridge between the two rightmost support pillars.

Captured on 11^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and 1/3^rd of a second shutter, balanced on the wall of the King Haakon Bar. 

Streets of London

Have you seen the old man
In the closed down market
Kicking up the papers with his worn out shoes
In his eyes you see no pride
And held loosely at his side
Yesterday's paper, telling yesterday's news.

So how can you tell me you're lonely
And say for you that the sun don't shine
Let me take you by the hand
And lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something
To make you change your mind.

Have you seen the old girl
Who walks the streets of London
Dirt in her hair and her clothes in rags
She's no time for talking
She just keeps right on walking
Carrying her home in two carrier bags.

So how can you tell me you're lonely
And say for you that the sun don't shine
Let me take you by the hand
And lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something
To make you change your mind.

In the all night cafe at a quarter past eleven
The same old man sitting there on his own
Looking at the world over the rim of his teacup
Each tea lasts an hour, and he wanders home alone.

So how can you tell me that you're lonely
And say for you that the sun don't shine
Let me take you by the hand
And lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something
To make you change your mind.

Have you seen the old man
Outside the seaman's mission
Memory fading with the medal ribbons that he wears
In our winter city the rain cries a little pity
For one more forgotten hero
And a world that doesn't care.

So how can you tell me you're lonely
And say for you that the sun don't shine
Let me take you by the hand
And lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something
To make you change your mind.

- Streets of London, Ralph McTell (Spiral Staircase, 1969).

While we're on the subject, a rendition of Ralph McTell's greatest success would only be appropriate. The MP3 is available here and the Wikipedia also has some interesting facts about the song.

Kahuna Double Seen in London

LONDON, United Kingdom (ENN) -- Reliable reports from London indicate a Kahuna double has been seen on the streets of London. The double, identical to the Real Kahuna (i.e., Real Big Kahuna not to be mistaken for Real Real Kahuna) was seen walking along the Oxford street contemplating as does the better known Kahuna of Panadura. The spotting further strengthens the theory that Kahuna was cloned as an infant and distributed around the world. While it is believed that these Kahunas were cloned as a result of a scientific experiment conducted by Korean scientist, Hwang Woo Suk, the reason for the dissemination of the resulting specimens is still not clear.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 17

What’s the loopback IP?

- Vandoofus, fourteen years and two degrees later.

I’m well aware of your sieve-like mind.

- Kahuna, providing the Regulator with the URL to the Circus for the N^th time.

Yeah, it only holds the important bits.

- The Regulator, revealing a fetish for the most significant bits.

So yours is a nominal banana republic?

- Kahuna to the Regulator, questioning the lack of indigenous bananas in her republic.

However, I can airdrop a container load of rotten fish.

- The Regulator, proposing to fish in troubled waters.

Dare I ask whether you ever consider tying the knot?

- The Regulator to Kahuna, on marriage.

And have my wife ruin the Balance of Ma'at?

- Kahuna to the Regulator, taking a controversial view on marriage.

Wait, wait, I am trying to configure the Linksys.

- Vandoofus, about to do battle with a wireless router.

Finally I am connected! Wahaha! Secure network!

- Vandoofus, declaring victory after a grim, daylong mêlée to seize the WEP key.

I see we are discussing religious topics now.

- The Monster, taking a biblical view of proceedings in the Circus.

Are you proposing a separation of church and state?

- Kahuna, questioning the Monster’s biblical view.

No, I am proposing the marriage.

- The Monster, proposing the unholy wedlock of church and state.

Bill was with Monica Lewinsky when the rights were established, hence they are void.

- The Monster, raising a point of law on being told his proposal to merge church and state would violate the establishment clause of the Bill of Rights.

It looks like a radical theocracy.

- Kahuna, on the Monster’s plan to form a government and declare himself pope.

The tub is about to overflow!

- The Monster, declaring an impending buffer overrun.

I intend to wash behind a lot of things.

- The Monster to Kahuna, on being told to wash behind the ears.

Is thermonuclear fission imminent?

- Gordon, on learning that Kahuna was running a temperature.

A lot of problems could have been solved if a mongoose was introduced into said garden.

- Kahuna to Gordon, proposing radical serpentectomy in Eden.

Nonsense, I’m up at dawn to make the sun rise.

- Kahuna to the Monster, dismissing accusations of late rising.

Teko the Otter

Teko the Otter (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- A sculpture of Teko the Otter by Laurence Broderick, the Otter Man of Skye, stands before the Bright Water Visitor Centre, overlooking the sea.

Commissioned by the Born Free Foundation, the sculpture was donated to the Eilean Bàn Trust for the Bright Water Visitor Centre. Eilean Bàn, which means White Island in Gaelic refers to a six acre island between Kyleakin and the mainland. The Skye road bridge spans the island, which was originally the home to the lighthouse keeper and his family. It later became the residence of Gavin Maxwell, author and naturalist.

Today, the island is home to a wealth of wildlife, the Maxwell museum and Teko the Otter's memorial stone.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and a resulting shutter speed of 1/400^th of a second. 

The Kahuna-Gordon Messages: Part 6 – The Way of the Asp

ROME, Roman Republic -- We now present yet another episode in the continuing Kahuna-Gordon messages. The following sordid exchange took place on the Ides of March.

Kahuna : One JC[1] was bumped off on a day like this.
Gordon : X-(
Kahuna : Would you like a replay with yourself in
         the starring role?
Gordon : Only if I get to do Cleopatra[2] first.
Kahuna : This can be arranged, but the asp may
         interfere.
Gordon : ASP?
Kahuna : Asp[3]
Kahuna : "With thy sharp teeth this knot intrinsicate
         Of life at once untie: poor venomous fool
         Be angry, and dispatch. O, couldst thou speak,
         That I might hear thee call great Caesar asp
         Unpolicied!"[4]
Gordon : "Fuck you"[5] might have been more concise X-(
Kahuna : X-(
Kahuna : "According to Plutarch (quoted by Ussher),
         Cleopatra tested various deadly poisons on
         condemned persons and animals for daily
         entertainment. She concluded that the bite of
         the asp was the best way to die. It brought a
         sleepiness and heaviness without spasms of
         pain. Later she used this method to kill
         herself."[3]
Kahuna : The bitch X-(
Gordon : Kinky.
Kahuna : Application of the asp is shown X-(
Gordon : If it interests you, I'm dabbling with ASP.NET
         as we speak X-(
Kahuna : Do you apply this to your breast à la
         Cleopatra?
Gordon : Er no, however it is a pain in the ass
         sometimes.
Kahuna : It is not documented if Cleopatra
         investigated this route.
Gordon : I'm sure JC did, though.
Kahuna : This is a serious allegation.
Gordon : Nonsense, JC was a kinky bastard.
Kahuna : Said JC was stabbed 23 times according to
         reports[6].
Gordon : He probably stabbed Cleo much more :-p
Kahuna : @#$@$#$@#$@$@#$@!#!@#!@#!@#
Kahuna : This is quite a perverse view.
Gordon : You're entitled to your opinion.

No asps were harmed in the course of this production. However, Gordon may have botched some ASP.NET code. In hindsight, it may well have botched itself.

^[1] Gaius Julius Caesar.
^[2] Cleopatra VII Philopator.
^[3] Asp.
^[4] Cleopatra, Act V, Scene II, Antony & Cleopatra by William Shakespeare.
^[5] William Smith.
^[6] Ides of March.

Cordless in Ganemulla

GANEMULLA, Sri Lanka -- Crackpot inventor Professor Gordon has been spotted in the vast grounds of his Ganemulla hideout testing Digital Enhanced Cordless Telecommunications (DECT). Sources close to the situation said that Gordon was calling all and sundry using a cordless phone while traversing his estate in what appeared to be a directed graph, attempting to discover the limit of his transmission equipment.

Industry insiders termed this a Travelling Crackpot Problem and called for immediate steps to curtail Gordon’s dynamic range and consequently pollution in the 1.8 GHz waveband.

Kahuna admitted that His afternoon siesta had been disturbed by Gordon calling to measure the signal-to-noise ratio from underneath a coconut tree. He added that Gordon’s test case was flawed as it only operated in two dimensions. Kahuna suggested that the arch-zoologist climb his coconut trees to determine the altitude limit of his base station. He conceded that a Newtonian solution to the Travelling Crackpot Problem might be found if Gordon were to fall off such a tree. He dismissed the potential loss saying it was all in the name of science.

Attempts to contact Gordon resulted in a busy signal. KNN will continue to monitor this developing situation.

Today is Pi Day!

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- It is now 1:59pm (GMT+6) on 14^th March 2006. Hence, 3.14159 or Pi Day. Apparently, this is enough of an excuse for mathematicians to throw a party.

Kahuna, however, is at rest owing to the full moon. Professor Gordon was last heard baying at the moon and the rest of the Circus have vanished without a trace. Peace reigns.

Adam and Eve

Adam and Eve (Copyright © 2006 Vandoofus)

The Arch-Pyrotechnologist

 
The Arch-Pyrotechnologist (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

MOUNT LAVINIA, Sri Lanka -- Arch-pyrotechnologist Ebenezer Gordon, Director of the Ali Dong Propulsion Institute, armed to the teeth with high explosives in the Garden of Huggles.

Having studied explosives from an early age, be it while plugging in polarity-reversed capacitors into the national grid or fabricating incendiary devices with joss sticks as fuses, Gordon is a considered to be a big bang in the industry.

Captured on 1^st January 2006 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on shutter priority (2.5 seconds) with a resulting aperture of f/8. 

Pyrotechnics in the Garden of Huggles

Pyrotechnics in the Garden of Huggles (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

MOUNT LAVINIA, Sri Lanka -- A plastic bottle primed with a firework ruptures, discharging threads of fire in the Garden of Huggles. Yet another explosive masterpiece by Gunti the Curious and Timmy the Menace.

Captured on 1^st January 2006 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on shutter priority (2.5 seconds) with a resulting aperture of f/8. 

Dance of Fire and Light

Dance of Fire and Light (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

MOUNT LAVINIA, Sri Lanka -- A pinwheel lit by master pyrotechnologist, Gunti the Curious spins in a brilliant yet fleeting dance of fire and light, a few hours past midnight in the Garden of Huggles. An empty Pringles can used for purposes not recommended by the manufacturer bears silent witness.

Captured on 1^st January 2006 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on shutter priority (2.5 seconds) with a resulting aperture of f/8. 

I Wish I Knew

Living in time and feeling every moment
Do I walk into tomorrow and never look behind
In a perfect world
Everyone's dreams would all come true
How will it all unfold
I wish I knew

Look at all the ways the mystery unravels
Try to find a pattern--is there one to find
Though the sky is stormy
I see reflections of gold and blue
Will the true story ever be told
I wish I knew

As I try to learn the answer
And I stumble along the way
I am powered by the love in my heart
By the thoughts in my mind
By the dreams I dream each day

It isn't always easy
But I gotta believe I'll make it through
What will the future hold
I wonder what will the future hold
How will it all unfold
I wish I knew

- I Wish I Knew, Carole King. Copyright © 1990 Lushmole Music (BMI), Rosie Tunes (BMI).

This was the theme song from the Golden Globe winning drama, The Trials of Rosie O'Neill. Originally performed by Melissa Manchester during the first season and instrumental thereafter, the full version of the song was performed by guest star Carole King in the episode Reunion in 1991.

It has never been released as a single or part of an album to this day.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 16

Must be quite a view from the judges’ chair.

- Gordon, on learning that Anna Nicole Smith had argued her way up to the supreme court.

No, just grass.

- Gordon, on being asked if he was organizing a grassroots campaign.

For a cow, you're quite well armed.

- Gordon to Kahuna, after an exchange consisting of moo(), slaughter() and Uzi() function calls.

Why of course, you have to name a vehicle. Otherwise you tend to just think of them as objects. You have to understand that they have feelings.

- Huggles’s Vehicular Naming Monologue.

Can you explain why the blasted DB2 client needs so much space?

- Gordon’s DB2 Lament.

Because the installer has determined that you have way too much free space on your local disk.

- Kahuna’s Corollary to Gordon’s DB2 Lament.

I am paying the gym dues. Does that count?

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, on being asked if he exercised.

You buy condoms as well, right? Does that mean you have sex?

- Kahuna to Vandoofus, attempting Rebuttal by Dubious Analogy.

I think you touch up your pictures.

- Vandoofus, taking a grim view of Kahuna’s photography.

Lets see… The winner of the Vandoofus [Prize for] Best Photographer… With 4 votes… The Real Kahuna! Clap clap clap clap clap.

- Vandoofus, announcing the winner of the controversial prize bearing his name.

This is rigged! I demand that Jimmy Carter [be] an independent observer!

- Kahuna, calling for free and fair elections with international moderation after learning the outcome of the Vandoofus Prize competition.

Why does my monster get so angry when you say something?

- Vandoofus, musing on the behaviour of his MSN avatar in the presence of Kahuna.

He's probably realigned a whole set of cruise missiles to point at cricket fields now.

- Gordon, pondering the consequences of George W Bush being hit in the head with a cricket ball, and surviving.

This is a direct consequence of bungling a lens cleaning operation.

- Kahuna to Gordon, on having to visit the Mumbler after catastrophic failure of surface-mount optics.

So, under the guise of a terrible breakdown, I kept it for a week.

- Her Royal Highness, confessing to laptop repair encroaching on eternity.

Beware of the porcupines of March!

- Kahuna, issuing a cryptic warning to Gordon.

Mirror

Mirror (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- An incredibly calm sea mirrors a 2-stroke 8 hp Mercury outboard motor.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/4 and shutter speed of 1/200^th of a second. 

Pebbles

Pebbles (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- Colorful pebbles rounded by centuries of erosion decorate the rocky beach of Kyleakin bay.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.5) and a resultant shutter speed of 1/80^th of a second. 

The Dawn of Aquarius

The Dawn of Aquarius (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- The Dawn of Aquarius at anchor in the sheltered bay of Kyleakin, with another unidentified vessel in the foreground.

The name of the vessel seems to be a reference to the Age of Aquarius, one of the twelve astrological ages, the date of entry into which is under debate.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

Castle Moil

Castle Moil (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- A view of the 14^th century fortress Castle Moil (Caisteal Maol in Gaelic), once occupied by Clan MacKinnon.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second.  

Kyleakin Harbor

Kyleakin Harbor (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

KYLEAKIN, Isle of Skye -- The ruins of Castle Moil in silent watch over Kyleakin^[1] harbor. The town called Caol Acain in Gaelic, meaning the Strait of Haakon, is named after King Haakon IV of Norway.

Interestingly, an open wireless network encountered here during a routine security scan was made use of by Kahuna and the Teddybear.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second.

^[1] Pronounced Kyle-AH-Kin.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 15

Removal of the cranium will fix this.

- Gordon to Kahuna, proposing a highly invasive procedure to relieve a minor irritation of Cranial Nerve VII.

Seriously, drink something healthy. I would start with Coke if I were you.

- The Regulator, objecting to Kahuna’s consumption of green tea.

Are you asking me to unveil the Regulator?

- Kahuna to the Monster, querying the latter’s dubious motives.

Athigaru mugatipathythumagen awasaraii [May it please His Excellency the Keeper of the Mongoose].

- Kahuna, opening his State of the Circus Address.

Hiss!

- Gordon, objecting to Kahuna’s opening remarks with a blatant spirant.

I'm divine.

- The Regulator, establishing her credentials.

Your response time is the most bogus in the solar system. I'm getting better round-trip time to Pluto.

- Kahuna, taking an astronomical view of Gordon’s instant messaging response time.

Balls still frozen?

- Kahuna to Vandoofus, querying the temperature in New York.

I finally dug my car out. The street cleaning trucks dumped all the snow on the side, so it was buried in about four feet of snow.

- Vandoofus, reporting the weather from New York after record snowfall.

They are providing an armed escort for me to get out of this hole.

- Timmy, reporting on being at the receiving end of things for a change.

At this rate, we'll have to meet in Geneva for dinner.

- Gordon to Kahuna, after a particularly violent dinner planning session.

I strongly believe it’s been overlooked as a venue for solving international conflict.

- Gordon, on Barbados and the need to foster discord such that it may be resolved there.

Smooch my ass.

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, on receiving an unsolicited smooch on St Valentine’s day.

Real life does not proceed according to your bloody Gantt chart.

- Gordon’s Critical Path Observation.

A one-inch screw and part of a hacksaw blade were extracted from the tyre this morning.

- Gordon, reporting significant overnight deflation.

You should be switched off if you ask me.

- Gordon, taking a decidedly hardline view of Kahuna’s existence.

Pissing on the statue might have been more appropriate.

- Gordon, on being informed that busts of the Scourges of the Nation had received a flatulent tribute from Kahuna.

I'm currently rotating polygons in confined spaces.

- Kahuna, reporting topological complexities in bathroom design using Visio.

Is that a technical term for jacking off?

- Gordon, arriving at a topologically obtuse conclusion from Kahuna statement.

No doubt you picked up a few terms from him and went and harassed the other vendors.

- Gordon to Kahuna, raising serious questions regarding the latter’s knowledge of cathodic protection.

Then again, you don't know your primary master from your secondary slave.

- Kahuna, accusing Huggles of a botched hard disk drive configuration.

Takaran Paalama

 
Sydney at Twilight (Copyright © 2006 Huggles)

SYDNEY, Australia -- Came across this humongous iron structure while walking around Sydney. It was blocking the view of Luna Park. 

Canna in Bloom

Canna in Bloom (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- A particularly colorful member of the Cannaceae family in bloom in the Garden of Kahuna.

Captured on 19^th February with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/2.8) and a resultant shutter speed of 1/800^th of a second. 

Phantom Fire

Phantom Fire (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

KANDALAMA, Sri Lanka -- Whisps of flame leap from an open lantern at the Kandalama Hotel.

Captured on 17^th February 2006 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on shutter priority (1/500^th of a second) and a resultant exposure of f/4. 

Unquotable Quotes - Part 14

Two of the biggest clowns on the planet against one is not fair.

- Gordon, raising preliminary objections to a proposed strategic alliance between Kahuna and Bartus Maximus.

Your social skills need refining. Right now you're right up there with a Rottweiler.

- Gordon, responding to a bite() instruction issued by Kahuna.

On negotiating the travel arrangements last night, [my father] agreed to tag along with me on the condition that he has exclusive rights to the volume control.

- Gordon, revealing damning evidence of operating beyond the 90-decibel limit.

Did you know that light travels over 73 trillion furlongs in a fortnight?

- Kahuna to Gordon, providing information using controversial units of measure.

I'll have you tied to the Hubble telescope with your friggin camera.

- Gordon to Kahuna, expressing great annoyance at the speed of light being measured in non-standard units.

I will not rest until a motor vehicle is introduced into your room.

- Kahuna, vowing to perpetrate a dastardly hack on Gordon.

All quiet on the HR front.

- Gordon, reporting from the front after shelling forward positions.

I mean I have a moral obligation. The hour is late, you are here, online.

- The Regulator, explaining her reasons for querying Kahuna’s online presence.

Yes, by a woman in her mid 50s. A matronly woman.

- The Regulator, suggesting that Kahuna be supervised lest He be a nuisance to the planet.

Didn’t you know? They use duct tape for that now.

- The Regulator, advising Kahuna to follow Homeland Security in using duct tape to knit the universe together.

We were nearly mauled by that elephant and you were making queries about its dietary habits. In the native tongue no less.

- Kahuna reminding Her Royal Highness of the notorious 'Aliya Kaidda?' episode in the depths of the Yala, featuring a large pachyderm in heat.

Or if you get a battalion of elephants to fart in quick succession.

- Kahuna, proposing an alternative explanation to explosive sounds heard by Gordon.

I have 40GB in my dashboard.

- Gordon, declaring sinister in-car storage capability.

Just as I was about to bomb the place!

- The Regulator, admitting to having considered incendiary means to get Kahuna’s attention.

On the contrary, it would make quite an entry.

- Gordon, proposing to turn up for a meeting in GITT Mk2 to use its storage capabilities for keeping the minutes.

Yes... When you need to demolish the supporting walls.

- Kahuna, agreeing that it would indeed be a spectacular entry.

Ah, its time for my lunch again.

- The Regulator, confirming widely held beliefs that she is in a permanent state of lunch (9:00pm GMT+6).

Portree Harbor

Portree Harbor

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- The trademark white, pink, blue and green buildings add a splash of color to the Portree harbor, as viewed from the MV Stardust underway with Darth Teddy and Kahuna on board.

Captured using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.5) and a resulting shutter speed of 1/800^th of a second. 

The Island

They say the skies of Lebanon are burning
Those mighty cedars bleeding in the heat
They're showing pictures on the television
Women and children dying in the street
And we're still at it in our own place
Still trying to reach the future through the past
Still trying to carve tomorrow from a tombstone...

Chorus

But Hey! Don't listen to me!
This wasn't meant to be no sad song
We've heard too much of that before
Right now I only want to be here with you
Till the morning dew comes falling
I want to take you to the island
And trace your footprints in the sand
And in the evening when the sun goes down
We'll make love to the sound of the ocean

They're raising banners over by the markets
Whitewashing slogans on the shipyard walls
Witchdoctors praying for a mighty showdown
No way our holy flag is gonna fall
Up here we sacrifice our children
To feed the worn-out dreams of yesterday
And teach them dying will lead us into glory...

Repeat chorus

Now I know us plain folks don't see all the story
And I know this peace and love's just copping out
And I guess these young boys dying in the ditches
Is just what being free is all about
And how this twisted wreckage down on main street
Will bring us all together in the end
And we'll go marching down the road to freedom...
Freedom

- Paul Brady, Back to the Centre (1985). Copyright © Hornall Brothers Music.

Sadly, some things never change. This is what Paul Brady says about writing this song:

Figuring out what to say about this song is almost as hard as writing it was in the first place. In early Eighties Ireland emotions were very high. Things had come to a head in the North. People were on hunger strike and dying. The Lebanon, Nicaragua, El Salvador, South Africa were all daily bearing witness to our capacity for cruelty, shortsightedness and greed. All around us politicians and public figures roaring drunk with their certainties.

I kind of wanted to give voice to this other ordinary man who was powerless to affect anything on a grand scale but was just trying to thread a way through all the emotional flak and stay in touch with what humans were designed to do. one to one. It was a controversial thing to be going on about at the time. If you're not with us, you're against us. Turning your back on your own. Many friendships ended in those days. The subsequent popularity of this song, due also in no small measure to Dolores Keane's beautiful rendition on 'A Woman's Heart' makes me feel that although I wasn't sure what I was dealing with, something was being said that needed to be said.

More Sea King Action

Golf Mike Uniform Overhead (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)



Golf Mike Uniform Chases the Portree Lifeboat (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- By popular demand, we present more Sea King photographs taken during the air-sea rescue demonstration at the Portree harbor.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with undisclosed parameters. 

Sea King in Action

Sea King in Action (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Golf Mike Uniform in action along with the Portree Lifeboat.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/8 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

Sikorsky Sea King

Sikorsky Sea King (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Sikorsky S61N Sea King Golf Mike Uniform, operated by HM Coastguard prepares for an air-sea rescue demonstration over Portree harbor.

The Sea King is a multi-purpose helicopter powered by two General Electric T58-GE-10 turboshaft engines each delivering 1,440 shp. It first flew in 1959 and entered service with the US Navy in 1961. The Sea King has a top speed of 267 kmh and a ceiling of 14,700 feet. It has an amphibious hull and can land on water in emergencies for a few minutes.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

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... at your own risk.

The Chairman of the Board regrets any malfunction, inaccuracies, gas leaks, explosions, big bangs and whatever else that may happen when you vote.

Poll has an error margin of +/-110%

Vandoofus Prize Under Investigation

HOLLYWOOD, California -- Strong public opinion and outrage are growing at an alarming rate, as the organizers of the controversial Vandoofus Prize are yet to name a winning entry and photographer. The 31st December 2005 closing date is now a good two weeks behind us, and there is absolutley no news from the Board of Buffoons that ran the competition. St.Vandoofus himself is absconding, allegedly with the as yet undisclosed prizes that were to be offered for winning entries.

There is speculation that St.Vandoofus has planned to take prints of the submissions and sell them on the streets of New York City. The high quality works of art are a virtual goldmine to someone looking to make a business out of them.

The entire competition is now being watched closely by law enforcement agencies and St.Vandoofus' movements are reportedly being tracked by Interpol. It is speculated that Doofy will soon make the FBI's most wanted list.

Contestants and the general public alike wait in utter disappointment and disgust to see what will transpire in what has now been quoted to be the biggest online fraud in recent history...

Avro Vandoofus A

Avro Vandoofus A (Copyright © 2005 Vandoofus)




Avro Vandoofus A Oops (Copyright © 2005 Vandoofus)

Avro Vulcan B2

Avro Vulcan B2 (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

DUXFORD, United Kingdom -- An Avro Vulcan B2 bomber parked at the Imperial War Museum in Duxford.

Entering service in 1960, the Vulcan B2 was powered by four Rolls-Royce Olympus 301 engines, each delivering 20,000 lbs (89 kN) of thrust. The aircraft was part of the British nuclear deterrent, designed to carry Blue Danube, Yellow Sun and Red Beard nuclear bombs.

The Olympus 301 jet engines used on the Vulcan were the precursors of the Rolls-Royce/Snecma Olympus 593 engines developed for the Concorde. The 593 was first test flown attached to the underside of a Vulcan bomber in 1966.

Captured on 15^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and a resultant shutter speed of a millisecond. 

Warning to Professor Gordon

Engine Number 1 of Golf Delta November (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

DUXFORD, United Kingdom -- Unmistakable bragging rights painted on the left outer engine cowling of British Pre-Production Concorde 101 (G-AXDN), now retired at the Imperial War Museum at Duxford.

Kahuna would be happy to demonstrate the 38,050 lbs (170 kN) thrust of the Olympus 593 engine while on afterburner, with the False Prophet tied to the engine nozzle (for decorative purposes).

Golf Delta November first flew on December 17^th 1971 and holds the speed record for fastest east-west Atlantic crossing by a commercial aircraft (2 hrs 56 mins) as well as the fastest east-west crossing of the continental United States (4 hrs 43 mins). It has clocked 168 supersonic flights and a top speed of Mach 2.23.

Captured on 15^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/4) and a resultant shutter speed of 1/80^th of a second. More exterior and interior photographs available on request. 

Ode to "Kahuna"

Kahuna

NEW JERSEY, USA -- A striking resemblance to "Big Kahuna" poses at a farm in New Jersey. Sony Cybershot DSC-P2, EXIF available on request.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 13

Darth Teddy seems to have an ear fetish. It’s like how I like women with big breasts. He seems to like men with big ears.

- St Vandoofus, analyzing Darth Teddy’s excessive interest in his ears.

I have a semi-nude of [Gordon]... Will that do?

- Bartus Maximus, querying the entry requirements for the Vandoofus Prize.

My god, drink something healthy. That stuff is too strong for you. It might bake you for life!

- The Regulator on hearing Kahuna’s intent to consume green tea.

I am disadvantaged by the bogus bandwidth at this end.

- Gordon, on being obstructed from participating in the Vandoofus Prize by Hans[a]’s network.

As a regulator, I knock people off for even mentioning VoIP.

- The Regulator, explaining her belief that long-distance voice should be limited to two tin cans and a piece of string.

In [a] banana republic, it’s considered highly democratic.

- The Regulator, justifying her policy of bumping off policy violators.

Always waste other peoples’ bandwidth.

- Kahuna’s Doctrine of Hogging Other People’s Bandwidth, better known as The Pipe is Always Bigger on the Other Subnet.

I have subcontracted DHL.

- Gordon, on being asked if he intends to do the rounds on Christmas Eve.

Would you prefer Sri Lanka Post then?

- Gordon, retaliating on being taken to task for outsourcing his delivery operation on Christmas Eve.

All my emissions are.

- Bartus Maximus, on being asked if his breath was still flammable after another night of excess.

Ho ho ho. Happy now?

- Gordon, on being told he was sorely lacking the Christmas spirit.

You'll be the death of me, I tell you.

- Gordon to Kahuna, on being told that images of GITT were indexed by Yahoo.

Who cares what sardines and [oxen] think?

- St Vandoofus, on being told about possible non-compliance with the Sarbanes-Oxley Act.

The title is obscene.

- Gordon, attempting to pass judgement on The Captain’s Rod in terms of Miller v. California, 413 U.S. 15 (1973).

He's piss drunk.

- Confucius, reporting on the intoxicated status of St Vandoofus.

Hang on, my sarong just [fell off].

- Gordon, declaring an unscheduled disrobe event during a telephone conversation with Kahuna.

Yes, it just fell off.

- Gordon, confirming that the wardrobe malfunction did indeed take place without an external stimulus.

Welcome to the communist party. To make a donation, press 1. For a general strike, press 2. For a revolution, press 3. For democratic reforms, please hang up.

- Kahuna, hypothesising the communist party’s voice response system.

And you thought outsourcing to Asia was the solution?

- Kahuna to St Vandoofus, on being asked to post His Holiness’s photographs to the Circus.

ARGGGGH! Thief!

- The Monster, responding to a confiscate(xbox) instruction issued by Kahuna.

And you believe this will provide all the answers?

- Kahuna to the Monster, on learning of the latter’s plan to watch What Women Want.

Can't use my personal time to do personal things.

- St Vandoofus, making himself at home during work.

Best Wishes for the New Year

Light to Thy Path (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

Wind to thy wings.  Light to thy path.  Dreams to thy heart.

- Anonymous

MOUNT LAVINIA, Sri Lanka -- A candle floating on water in a glass vessel heralds the approaching new year in the Garden of Huggles. The Circus wishes all clowns an exceptional 2006.

Captured two hours before midnight with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/4) and resultant shutter speed of 1/8^th of a second.