The Kahuna-Gordon Messages: Part 8 - The Nuclear Chef

PYONGYANG, North Korea -- News breaking from Pyongyang early this morning has confirmed rumors of a sinister North Korean restaurant franchise: Kim's.

It is learned that nuclear proliferator Ebenezer Gordon has obtained exclusive rights to the franchise and plans to offer a delivery service to all continents other than South America. It is reliably understood that Gordon intends to leverage North Korean missile technology for this purpose.

Widely suspected to be involved in Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il's nuclear weapons program, Gordon has extensive experience in pyrotechnics ranging from polarity-reversed capacitors and missile technology to exploding carburettors. However, this appears to be Gordon's first foray into the restaurant business.

In an interview with Kahuna, Gordon outlined his plans and key challenges:

Kahuna : How is your franchise, Kim's?
Gordon : We're short of some key ingredients.
Kahuna : Enriched tofu?
Gordon : Indeed, and wonton wrappers.
Kahuna : What about the plutonium?
Gordon : That's in stock.
Kahuna : Not in one lot I hope X-(
Gordon : Stacked on top of each other :-P
Kahuna : You're making a critical error X-(
Gordon : Of course, the whole operation could go
         sky high.
Kahuna : This could lead to deadly fallout X-(
Gordon : At least we'll have enough mushroom for
         an entire region.
Kahuna : Your strategy is quite cloudy.
Gordon : On the contrary, we believe in atomic
         transactions.
Kahuna : This could get quite radioactive.

Analysts were quick to point out questionable safety practices and recommended that Gordon be subject to inspection by the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) before a "regrettable incident" occurs.

Gordon scoffed at his critics and announced plans to build a nuclear-powered automobile, taking over where Ford left off with their Ford Nucleon concept car of the 1950's.

KNN will continue to fabricate this developing story.

Stonehenge in Silhouette

Stonehenge in Silhouette (Copyright (cc) 2005 B Kahuna)

SALISBURY, United Kingdom -- The mysterious Neolithic monument Stonehenge rears against a brilliant, but cloudy September sky.

Captured in sepia on 14^th September 2005 with a Sony DSC-V1 on shutter priority (1/1000^th of a second) and a resulting aperture of f/7.1. 

Unquotable Quotes - Part 28

The anaconda will now be fed. Repeatedly.

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, announcing a midnight snack.

By the Bezier Curve of Evil!

- Kahuna, resorting to complex geometry in an attempt to implicate Gordon in North Korea's nuclear test.

Must be busy cleaning up the fallout.

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, on Gordon's non-availability on Yahoo Messenger.

Did you note that Kim's missiles reach the entire planet other than South America?

- Kahuna to Gordon, on Kim Jong-il's ICBM technology.

This would be very beneficial to the Korean takeaway industry.

- Gordon to Kahuna, proposing a controversial application of long-range missile technology.

I heard Gordon is contemplating another test.

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, voicing concerns about Gordon's nefarious activities in North Korea.

Tehran to Ebenezer, come in Ebenezer.

- Kahuna to Gordon, predicting the inevitable overtures from Iran.

@#%%@#^@#%

- Gordon, on Kahuna's Iranian speculation.

Apparently Japan can be nuclear-capable in a long weekend.

- Vandoofus to Kahuna, attempting to raise regional tensions.

We might have issues getting people together.

- Darth Teddy, vetoing Kahuna's proposal to tour Iran's nuclear facilities, sighting difficulty in herding cats.

Very well if it must. You will, however, make it advantageous to me.

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on being told his antics must be blogged.

Smooch is not equal to hump.

- Darth Teddy's Inequality.

I will put it on leash if required.

- Kahuna, addressing Gordon's concerns about Darth Teddy becoming a handful during an excursion to the hills.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! PANIC() PANIC() PANIC()

- Gordon, learning that Timmy the Ambidextrous had joined the Empire.

I could send a Korean subwoofer by ICBM if you like.

- Gordon, offering to surround Kahuna with an explosive Dolby Digital 6.1 experience.

Very soon your closet will be searchable by Google.

- Kahuna, issuing an ominous warning to Gordon.

I can also provide six pints of premium ice cream within seven minutes drive from your location; this will kill you.

- Kahuna to Gordon, plotting a deadly course to the nearest Ben & Jerry's scoop shop.

I have a stock of these in the freezer.

- The Monster to Kahuna, admitting to stockpiling weapons of mass gluttony by Ben & Jerry.

You're resorting to the SriLankan Scarelines booking algorithm.

- Kahuna, learning of Darth Teddy's plans to offload passengers during an excursion to the hills.

Ah, I see you've arrived by the Liberator.

- Kahuna, acknowledging Darth's Ching's profile image on Yahoo Messenger.

Oooh! Someone old enough to recognize it!

- Darth Ching, noting Kahuna's recognition of the Liberator from the 1970's BBC TV series, Blake's 7.

Good lord, will this be rated R-18?

- Kahuna, learning that Darth Teddy would be writing a manual.

I recommend hiring goons to rough it up.

- Kahuna, advising Gordon to deal with the Monster after a botched intercontinental fund transfer.

I was going about my business ordering medicines when the incident occurred.

- Kahuna to Gordon, defending Himself on being mistaken for physician.

There's a sulfurous stench in the air.

- Kahuna to Gordon, reporting a lightning strike on His lead-acid accumulators.

This is proof that you're in league with the devil.

- Gordon, implicating Kahuna by way of fire and brimstone precedent set by Hugo Chavez.

Why are you still in existence?

- Vandoofus, questioning Kahuna's continued presence.

Someone has to look after the universe.

- Kahuna, in His own defense.

I believe our fate is in the hands of the Big Bang.

- Vandoofus's Big Bang Hypothesis.

You are destined to become a gaseous cloud and rotate around Saturn.

- Vandoofus, predicting a nebulous future for Kahuna.

I believe that means "den of thieves" according to Kahuna's 21^st Century Dictionary.

- Kahuna, on Horagolla.

He could shut down his fleet of aircraft for starters.

- Gordon to Kahuna, on Sir Richard Branson committing three billion dollars to combat global warming.

And you'll supply him with blimps?

- Kahuna, speculating on Gordon's alternative solution to Branson's turbojet aircraft.

These clowns do not seem to have blimps. Where did you get yours?

- Kahuna, seeking the supplier of Gordon's blimp, Fat One after learning that Mazda did not sell airships.

At Wal-Mart.

- Gordon to Kahuna, revealing his blimp supplier.

The Kahuna-Darth Teddy Messages: Part 1 - The Mobile and the Leashed

COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- We now bring you further evidence of Darth Teddy's unholy intent to restrain the activities of Kahuna:

Darth Teddy : You didn't pick up yesterday.
Kahuna      : I wasn't in the same location as the 
              phone.
Darth Teddy : Gah! This is not an acceptable answer; 
              it’s called a mobile phone for a reason.
Kahuna      : It may be called a mobile phone; however, 
              it does not move under its own steam and 
              follow you around. That functionality is 
              provided by dogs.
Darth Teddy : I should get you and it a leash *FUME*
Kahuna      : I always suspected you wanted to tie me 
              up X-(
Darth Teddy : Now, now, you are going on a completely 
              different trip here.
Kahuna      : Nonsense, you brought bondage into the 
              proceedings.
Darth Teddy : Between you and your phone! Nothing to do 
              with me; I am just supplying the leash.
Kahuna      : Bah, that's how it all starts: by 
              supplying the leash. Next it'll be the 
              collar and god knows what else X-(
Darth Teddy : Nonsense! These are all your initiations.
              I am the innocent party here.
Kahuna      : I never intended to tie you up BTBOTP. 
              You're hardly innocent. You're an 
              anaconda in bear's clothing X-(
Darth Teddy : Nonsense, I have multiple personalities.
Kahuna      : All attached to the same anaconda X-(
Darth Teddy : Indeed, the complete package.
Kahuna      : I rest my case.

The bears and anacondas used in this production were supplied by Darth Teddy.

The Pondering Elephant

The Pondering Elephant (Copyright (cc) 2006 B Kahuna)

UDAWALAWE NATIONAL PARK, Sri Lanka -- A Sri Lankan elephant (Elephas maximus maximus) ponders an incursion by photographers while having a light snack in the Udawalawe National Park.

Captured on August 14^th 2006 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III) on aperture priority (f/5.6) with a resultant shutter speed of 1/1250^th of a second at ISO 400. 

The Kahuna-Gordon Messages: Part 7 - The Unfinished Symphony

MEMPHIS, Tennessee -- A short while ago, Kahuna and Professor Gordon unleashed their magnum opus, the Unfinished Symphony, upon a completely unsuspecting planet. This latest masterpiece, composed during a single marathon session, trespasses upon hitherto uncharted, but nevertheless sublime heights of buffoonery.

The Board of Buffoons has rated the following material as DB (Disturbing Buffoonery). Readers are advised to proceed with caution:

Kahuna : You’re delaying my sleep by Bob Marley X-(
Gordon : :-P
Gordon : Are You Lonesome Tonight by Elvis? X-(
Kahuna : Four Walls should keep you contained by Jim
         Reeves.
Gordon : You should be singing the Jailhouse Rock, 
         again by Elvis.
Kahuna : I will do it My Way by Frank Sinatra X-(
Gordon : Why? by Annie Lennox.
[Considerable pause]
Gordon : Ah, The Sound Of Silence by Simon and 
         Garfunkel X-(
Kahuna : Some Distant Drums will sort you out 
         by Jim Reeves.
Gordon : A night with Mrs Robinson may relieve your 
         frustrations by Simon and Garfunkel.
Gordon : You might even get Great Balls Of Fire by 
         Jerry Lee Lewis :-P
Kahuna : And an Uptown Girl may well relieve yours by 
         Billy Joel X-(
Kahuna : Not to mention The Lady In Red by Chris de 
         Burgh.
Gordon : You'll need a Black Magic Woman by Carlos 
         Santana to get that thing up =))
Gordon : GUFFAW
Kahuna : And yours may need to be Together in Electric
         Dreams for assistance by the Human League :-P
Gordon : Beats Living with a Hernia by Weird Al 
         Yankovich X-(
Kahuna : St Elmo's Fire will put an end to your whining 
         by John Parr X-(
Gordon : You propose to continue this All Night Long by 
         Lionel Richie?
Kahuna : Indeed, I Won't Forget You by Jim Reeves X-(
Gordon : Just Beat It! by Michael Jackson X-(
Kahuna : You'll end up dead on the Banks Of The Ohio if
         you're not careful by Olivia Newton-John X-(
Gordon : And you in the depths of the Blue Bayou by 
         Linda Ronstadt.
Kahuna : You're So Vain by Carly Simon X-(
Gordon : Bah, We've Only Just Begun by the Carpenters.
Gordon : When I'm done with you you'll be singing My 
         Sweet Lord by so many clowns that I've lost 
         count.
Kahuna : My Friend The Wind will blow from the east and 
         settle your hash by Demis Roussos.
Kahuna : You'll be Under The Sea by Disney's Little 
         Mermaid X-(
Gordon : Have you quite finished your symphony by 
         Schubert? X-(
Kahuna : Wild Child by Enya X-(
Gordon : Ah Shaddapayaface by Joe Dolce X-(
Kahuna : Am I Loosing You by Jim Reeves? X-(
Gordon : Just have Faith by George Michael X-(
Kahuna : Somewhere Over The Rainbow by Judy Garland? 
         X-(
Gordon : No, down the Country Roads by John Denver
Kahuna : This is becoming a Neverending Story by 
         Limahl X-(
Gordon : Baby Don't Cry by 2Pac :-P
Gordon : Don't Dream it’s over by Sixpence None the
         Richer.
Kahuna : You're lamenting about what Could've Been by 
         Mandy Moore X-(
Gordon : On the contrary, I was doing fine All By 
         Myself by Celine Dion.
Kahuna : You're getting Swept Away by Yanni X-(
Gordon : Nonsense, merely Sailing by Roderick Stewart.
Kahuna : More like Drowning by the Backstreet Boys.
Gordon : Every Little Thing You Do is annoying by 
         Westlife X-(
Gordon : This could go on Until The End Of Time by 
         Westlife X-(
Kahuna : I can Send In The Clowns to break it up by 
         Barbara Streisand X-(
Gordon : Quite the Unchained Melody by the Righteous 
         Brothers.
Gordon : Are we in The Final Countdown by Europe? X-(
Kahuna : You’re Lost In A Dream by Demis Roussos.
Gordon : You’d better watch it: I Shot The Sheriff 
         (by Eric Clapton) and I wouldn’t hesitate to 
         do you in.
Kahuna : Help Me Rhonda by the Beach Boys X-(
Gordon : Are you Falling by Alicia Keys?
Kahuna : I'm Flying by Chris de Burgh :-P
Gordon : You're probably just High by the Lighthouse 
         Family X-(
Kahuna : No doubt you're Waiting For A Star To Fall 
         by Boy Meets Girl X-(
Gordon : When I'm done with you you'll be seeing Stars
         by Simply Red.
Kahuna : I suspected you were trying to Paint The Sky
         with Stars by Enya X-(
Gordon : And this conflicts with your plans of 
         Moonlighting by Leo Sayer, I suppose?
Kahuna : Your Seasons In The Sun are over by Terry 
         Jacks X-(
Gordon : Nonsense, the Four Seasons are clearly still 
         in session, and we're currently at Autumn by
         Antonio Vivaldi.
Kahuna : I will arrange for the Snows Of New York to 
         be diverted over your seat by Chris de Burgh.
Gordon : Oh and I suppose you'll arrange Purple Rain 
         as well by the idiot formerly known as 
         Prince? X-(
Kahuna : No, but November Rain is just around the 
         corner by Guns N' Roses.
Gordon : You're gonna get thumped Come Rain or Come
         Shine by Billie Holiday.
Kahuna : I'm Stayin Alive by the Bee Gees X-(
Gordon : Given your inclinations, I bet you wish it 
         was Raining Men by Geri Halliwel :-P
Kahuna : Nonsense, I have a Picture Of You by 
         Boyzone =))
Gordon : =)) Your Time Has Come by Audioslave, The 
         End Is Near by Embrace X-(
Kahuna : The Anticipation is killing me by Carly 
         Simon X-(
Gordon : Would you rather someone was Killing Me 
         Softly by the Fugees? X-(
Kahuna : Indeed it will be a Celebration by Era
Gordon : You should be Frozen by Madonna X-(
Kahuna : I will Light The Fire Within by LeAnne 
         Rimes :-P
Gordon : Someone will eventually Put Out The Fire 
         by Queen :-P
Gordon : Everyone will know you're Guilty by the Bee
         Gees X-(
Gordon : Just Give It Up idiot by KC and the 
         Sunshine Band :-P
Kahuna : Not Until The Next Time by Jim Reeves :-P
Gordon : This is going towards the Edge of Forever 
         by Richard Marx.
Kahuna : I will get rid of you No Matter What by 
         Boyzone.
Gordon : I Don't Want You Back either, by the 
         Backstreet Boys.
Gordon : You'll be Crawling when I'm done with you 
         by Linkin Park :-P
Kahuna : And you'll be one with the Orinoco Flow 
         when I'm through by Enya X-(
Gordon : Nonsense, you're just a Nowhere Man by the 
         Beatles; who would listen to you? :-P
Gordon : You can't even Drive, by the Cars :-P
[Considerable pause]
Kahuna : You'll end up selling VCRs in Little Rock
         if you continue this line of thought by 
         Collin Raye X-(
Gordon : What Took You So Long by Emma Bunton? :-P
Kahuna : I was trying to Make The World Go Away by
         Jim Reeves X-(
Gordon : You should just Fly Away by the Black Eyed 
         Peas X-(
Kahuna : It's Too Late Now by Carol King.
Kahuna : BTBOTP it’s 3:00am X-(
Gordon : Heh heh :-P
Kahuna : X-(
Gordon : I warned you this could go on forever :-P
Gordon : It's 5:30pm here :-P
Kahuna : A nuisance call can be arranged at 2:00am 
         your time.
Gordon : We're Worlds Apart by Bruce Springsteen :-P
Gordon : We've Only Just Begun by the Carpenters :-P
Kahuna : It's Time To Say Goodbye by Andrea Bocelli 
         (featuring Sarah Brightman).
Gordon : Con Te Partiro?
Kahuna : Con Te Partiro.
Gordon : Would you like to move to Philadelphia by 
         Bruce Springsteen? :-P
Kahuna : I'd prefer Massachusetts by the Bee Gees.
Kahuna : I will arrange a Sogno if you're not careful
         by Andrea Bocelli X-(
Gordon : So it's Goodnight, Irene by Van Morrison?
Gordon : Keep this up another hour or two and you'll 
         find Morning Has Broken by Cat Stevens :-P
Kahuna : You're trying to steal The Last Moments Of 
         The Dawn by Chris de Burgh X-(
Gordon : Don't Go Away by Oasis.
Kahuna : You and your Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray 
         Cyrus X-(
Gordon : Nonsense, My Heart Will Go On irrespective 
         of your presence by Celine Dion X-(
Kahuna : You're Breaking My Heart by MLTR X-(
Gordon : You'll be singing I'm So Sleepy at work 
         tomorrow by Cat Stevens :-P
Gordon : Go 2 Sleep by Ludacris :-P
Gordon : The lyrics go: GO TO SLEEP, hoe to sleep, 
         GO TO SLEEP, hoe to sleep, IF YOU'RE TIRED
         BE QUIET AND GO TO SLEEP, hoe to sleep
Kahuna : Nonsense, You Needed Me by Boyzone :-P
Gordon : Nonsense, I never needed you, You Ain't 
         Nothing But A Hounddog by the Rolling 
         Stones :-P
Kahuna : I hope you like Life In A Northern Town when
         I send a transcript of this to your wife by
         The Dream Academy.
Gordon : Leave her alone, She's Taken by Billy Dean 
         X-(
Kahuna : All I Have To Do Is Dream by the Everly 
         Brothers :-P
Gordon : Will You Send Me the Pillow That You Dream 
         On as evidence by Dean Martin and numerous 
         other clowns? X-(
Kahuna : You'll Never Know by Jim Reeves
Gordon : Yeah right, Just Wait And You'll See by 
         Madonna X-(
Kahuna : Adios Amigo by Jim Reeves :-P
Gordon : Hasta Mañana till we meet again by Abba.
Kahuna : By The Rivers Of Babylon by Boney M? X-(
Gordon : I thought you preferred the Banks of the 
         Ohio by ON-J X-(
Kahuna : Let The River Run by Carly Simon X-(
Gordon : Get Lost! by Eric Clapton X-(
Kahuna : Tonight My Sleep Will Be Restless by 
         Alasdair Fraser & Paul Machlis X-(
Kahuna : It is now 3:20am, you have stolen another
         20 minutes BTBOTP.
Kahuna : I will now enter a sleep state X-(
Gordon : It's All Your Fault by Wild Orchid X-(
Gordon : This will go down in the record books 
         BTBOTP X-(
Kahuna : Indeed X-(
Kahuna : I should blog this X-(
Kahuna : This only proves that we are massive 
         clowns X-(
Gordon : I suspected this X-(
Kahuna : Would you rather I sent your wife a 
         copy? X-(
Gordon : Er no X-(
Kahuna : On that note I will abscond X-(
Gordon : Very well.
Gordon : Goodnight O Clown.
Kahuna : Goodnight X-(
Gordon : Till We Meet Again by Kirk Franklin :-P
Kahuna : Don't get Swept Away by Yanni :-P
Kahuna : Goodnight X-(
Gordon : Beat It! by Michael Jackson X-(
Kahuna : Yes, I believe there was testimony to 
         that effect X-(
Gordon : Now, now...
Gordon : Go!
Gordon : TTYL
Kahuna : Thump(); abscond()

Much sleep was lost during the course of this production.

The Setting of Liberty

Sunset Liberty (Copyright © 2006 The Monster)

BATTERY PARK CITY, New York - The Statue of Liberty seen through the water jets of a fountain at Battery Park in Manhattan.

The New Colossus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame,
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

by Emma Lazarus (1849-1887)

The sonnet penned by Emma Lazarus in aid of the Bartholdi Pedestal Fund in 1883. Twenty years later, it was engraved in bronze and mounted inside the Statue of Liberty. Source: Wikipedia.

Liberty Enlightening the World

The Face of Liberty (Copyright © 2006 The Monster)


The Liberty Tablet (Copyright © 2006 The Monster)

LIBERTY ISLAND, New Jersey - The detailed and overwhelming images of the French engineering marvel, The Statue of Liberty and the tablet having the Roman numeral incription of July 4, 1776, the day of America's Independence from Britain.

Hurricane Gordon Forms in Atlantic; Loses Steam Rapidly

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia -- The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) reported today that Hurricane Gordon, having formed in the Atlantic several days ago, had lost steam and was being downgraded to Category 2. The NOAA advisory added that Gordon was "meandering over the central Atlantic" and had been "drifting erratically over the past several hours."

Renegade climatologist Ebenezer Gordon is widely suspected to be the mastermind behind the storm. Unsurprisingly, the evil genius seems to have lost control of his creation completely, causing it to come to a halt about a thousand kilometers east of Bermuda.

Kahuna spoke to the press a short while ago and said He believed Gordon had bungled the rotational parameters of the storm thanks to a dubious interpretation of the Coriolis effect.

Kahuna added that Gordon's inability to muster sufficient numbers for his car wash scheme across Georgia had also put a damper on his hurricane. No stranger to disturbances in the troposphere, Gordon had previously demonstrated direct correlation between washing his former flagship automobile GITT Mk II, and inclement weather conditions. The water shortage plaguing Georgia has been partly responsible in confounding Gordon’s attempt to leverage this learning for criminal purposes.

Gordon was believed to be somewhere over the Atlantic in his personal blimp Fat One, mounting a last ditch attempt to regain control of his rapidly dissipating hurricane.

KNN will bring you live coverage of this turbulent story.

Captivating!

Head Colours (Copyright © 2006 The Monster)

ARLINGTON, Virginia - A colourful souvenir stall at the Pentagon City Mall.

Scampering Squirrel

Scampering Squirrel (Copyright (cc) B Kahuna 2006)

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- A squirrel carrying a large piece of coconut husk scampers across the side of a polytunnel greenhouse.

Captured on 10^th September 2006 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6 III) on aperture priority (f/5.6) and shutter speed of 1/1250^th of a second at ISO 400. The posted image has been post-processed to fix lighting and color. 

Flickr Group

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- Greetings, fellow clowns. I've unilaterally decided to create a Flickr group for the Circus, since it is difficult to manage our photographs using Blogger alone. This is probably the best solution available at the moment. Picasa Web Albums are still in invite-only beta. Flickr is now, strangely, in gamma.

The new Flickr badge in the sidebar is dynamically fed by the photographs that are added to the group. To add to the group, you need to be a member of Flickr and be invited to join the group. If you're a member, login to Flickr and check your Flickr mail. If you're not a member, check your regular mail. You should have received an invite. If not, you may holler.

I'll continue to post photographs to the blog using Picasa, but I'll also send a copy to Flickr. The Flickr Uploadr makes this easy. Photographs added to group are publicly accessible, but by default you retain all rights. In my photographs, however, I've applied the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 license.

We're also waiting to switch to the Blogger in Beta, but unfortunately, migration capability is not available for team blogs yet.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 27

Yes! The first insult on Messenger is mine!

- The Ex-Dictator, rejoicing upon calling Kahuna a “dingbat,” online.

You're quite badly equipped for someone claiming to be Kahuna.

- Gordon, questioning Kahuna’s omnipotence.

Those are my cables it’s happily cutting up.

- Gordon, fuming on being told of the Monster improvising power supply solutions for Kahuna.

Will you be taking liquids to Yala?

- Gordon to Kahuna, in an effort to impose travel restrictions.

I intend to generate gases as well.

- Kahuna, responding to Gordon’s proposed travel restrictions.

Clown Factor appears to be auto-balancing.

- Gordon, learning the Cookie Monster had arrived in the tropics to compensate for the departure of the Monster.

You’re photographing wild pussy now.

- Gordon, objecting to Kahuna’s leopard photography.

I've named my pet anaconda.

- Darth Teddy, pleading guilty to dodgy anthropomorphic personification.

Hmm, possibly not, but it might get its belly tickled.

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on whether his anaconda would be fed.

You’re posting images of naked animals: this is an invasion of their privacy.

- Gordon, taking Kahuna to task for wildlife photography in the Yala.

You're free to clothe them at your own expense.

- Kahuna, proposing a solution to Gordon’s privacy fears.

Sports mode indeed; those animals are not playing anything.

- Gordon, taking a dark view of Kahuna using sports mode on His EOS 30D for wildlife photography.

You’re mucking about on the Internet without clearing all possible barriers to entering the aircraft.

- Gordon, objecting to Kahuna’s online presence at the airport.

Probably due to too much smooching; if not, mounting.

- Kahuna, diagnosing the cause behind Darth Teddy’s cold.

You will note clowns at Sony are causing explosions all over the planet.

- Kahuna, on Sony’s unstable lithium-ion battery technology.

I bet they won't allow Dell laptops on aircraft now.

- Gordon, extrapolating the consequences of Sony’s battery fiasco.

What do the park animals think of the wildlife you traveled with?

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on His traveling companions in the Yala.

I blame the leopard for not finishing you lot off.

- Gordon, expressing frustration at the continued existence of Kahuna et al.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

- Darth Teddy, reacting to Kahuna’s threat of being made to watch Brokeback Mountain beside Timmy the Ambidextrous.

This reminds me of The Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies by Van Klomp.

- Gordon, critiquing Kahuna’s Ox-Eye Daisy.

The senate has ratified your appointment as Creature of Insufficient Light. You didn't have enough brownie points to make Creature of Darkness.

- Kahuna, informing Gordon of his latest appointment.

I was mistaken for a medical practitioner.

- Kahuna, admitting to involuntary malpractice.

It seems a performance of the Rite of the Polecat is called for.

- Kahuna, planning to summon an absconding Gordon by means of black magic.

See, if they taught polymorphism like that, you think I would have forgotten?

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, on a highly explicit tutorial on object-oriented programming.

Bah, I powered you in the middle of the jungle if you recall.

- Gordon to Kahuna, refuting allegations of being outdated.

Did you dress up as Big Bird, given your background in volumetric ornithology?

- Kahuna, quizzing Gordon’s dress code during his offspring’s birthday party.

You'll probably get shot with this thing.

- Gordon, on the Wenger Giant Knife, Version 1.0.

You think it can hold a Scud launch module?

- The Monster, on the Wenger Giant Knife, Version 1.0.

I believe they're short of a prophet in Colorado.

- Kahuna, noting a vacancy arising from the arrest of Warren Jeffs.

Do they still offer the Escalade and the laptops?

- Gordon, considering the offer and clarifying the perquisites.

Hmm, there was an idiot with a dubious accent that called, but it was daytime here.

- Gordon, recollecting a nuisance call from the Ex-Dictator in what the latter believed to be the wee hours of Eastern Daylight Time.

Your time zone calculations have been bungled.

- Gordon, taking Kahuna to task for bungling a nuisance call.

Obviously, clowns from your company made the calculations.

- Kahuna, in his own defense.

I am currently getting shock absorbers replaced.

- Darth Teddy, reporting on the need for vehicular overhaul after a particularly vigorous Feast of the Anaconda.

GITT Mk III has a gyro.

- Gordon, disclosing inertial navigation capabilities in his flagship automobile.

Your attempt to have GITT Mk III classified as an aircraft—fraudulently—is noted: “my car has a gyro and thus inertial navigation and thus it’s a plane.”

- Kahuna, predicting Gordon’s reasoning to enter the civil aviation industry.

[Her Royal Highness] has left the room; do you want to give me a smooch now?

- Huggles, furtively soliciting favors from Kahuna.

The Tracks

The Tracks (Copyright © 2006 B Kahuna)

NANU-OYA, Sri Lanka -- The overgrown railway tracks recede towards infinity at the Nanu-Oya station while we patiently wait for the Udarata Menike from Badulla.

Captured on 30^th July 2006 with a Canon EOS 30D (EF-S 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6 II) on aperture priority (f/5.0) and a resulting shutter speed of 1/320^th of a second. 

A Manhattan Night - The Works

Manhattan Skyline Celebrations (Copyright © 2006 The Monster)

LIBERTY STATE PARK, New Jersey - 4^th of July celebrations fireworks among the New York City skyline. I'm sure the fireworks are clearly visible now :|...

More Manhattan Fireworks on Request

FireBloom II (Copyright © 2006 The Monster)

LIBERTY STATE PARK, New Jersey - 4^th of July celebrations fireworks display on a Hudson river ferry.

Captured at 2104 hours on 4^th July 2006 with a Sony DSC-H1 in landscape mode, 8s shutter, an aperture of f 8.0 and a considerable amount of hand movement :p.

Manhattan Fireworks on Request

FireBloom (Copyright © 2006 The Monster)

LIBERTY STATE PARK, New Jersey - 4^th of July celebrations fireworks display on a Hudson river ferry.

A Manhattan Night

Manhattan (Copyright © 2006 The Monster)

LIBERTY STATE PARK, New Jersey - 4^th of July celebrations as witnessed by us clowns while awaiting the fireworks display on the New Jersey end of the Hudson river.

Kahuna Reinstates Pluto, Threatens to Boot IAU

REPUBLIC OF BOSTON, Former Massachusetts -- In a press release issued today, Kahuna unilaterally restored Pluto to full planetary status calling the International Astronomical Union (IAU) a bunch of buffoons in the pay of volumetric ornithologist Ebenezer Gordon.

Kahuna said that if Pluto had not completely cleared the neighborhood around its orbit, then Neptune most certainly had not done so either. He, therefore, argued that Neptune should also have been revoked of planetary status along with the Earth, Mars and Jupiter. Kahuna also argued that while the barycenter of the Pluto system was clearly outside Pluto, it was much closer to Pluto than to its largest moon Charon. Kahuna, therefore, declined to elevate Charon to planetary status.

He added that if the IAU does not get its act together soon, it would find itself booted out of the solar system. Kahuna admitted that his unilateral action may cause property values to rise on Pluto, but vehemently declared that Gordon would not be allowed to profit from his dark deeds.

The interplanetary real estate baron was unavailable for comment.