The Kahuna-Gordon Messages: Part 14 - The Way of the Bog

ALPHARETTA, Georgia -- Regular readers know that Professor Gordon attracts loads of spam, thanks in part to his huge personal bogosity. We touched upon the subject of spam some time ago, during the Moses Affair.

It was during this time that Kahuna came across a hilarious piece on scambaiting, i.e., paying scammers back at their own game. This particular story was about Father Hector Barnett and the Holy Church of The Order of The Red Breast.

Clearly, this was much too good to leave alone and the foul exchange that took place between 'Father' Gordon and Kahuna quite literally stank to high heaven:

Gordon : I am from the Order of the Hole in the Ass.
Kahuna : Yes, I've heard of this X-(
Gordon : I'm sure you have.
Kahuna : X-(
Gordon : We operate out of a trailer park in 
         Martha's Vineyard.
Kahuna : You're trespassing aren't you?
Gordon : It's god's will.
Kahuna : Bah, your god is a clown.
Gordon : It takes all sorts to make the universe go
         round.
Kahuna : A decent spin is all it takes. Have you 
         prayed to your god today?
Gordon : The Order of the Hole in the Ass considers 
         farts to be prayers. In that light, yes, 
         I have prayed quite a lot today.
Kahuna : Yes, your flatulence is quite legendary. I
         believe it was reported that you were 
         considering such a propulsion mechanism for
         your Stratosweeper.
Gordon : Don't talk shit.
Kahuna : Well you started with this load of crap X-(
Gordon : Bullshit.
Kahuna : Poppycock X-(
Gordon : Rubbish.
Kahuna : Piss off.
Gordon : Asswipe X-(
Kahuna : Will you be using one square à la S Crow? 
         X-(
Gordon : No, we use water à la most Sri Lankans X-(
Kahuna : Polluter X-(
Gordon : Would you rather I roamed about with pieces
         of shit in my ass? X-(
Kahuna : What you do with your ass is not covered by
         federal jurisdiction X-(
Gordon : So why are you poking your nose up it?
Kahuna : You're trying to raise a stink here aren't
         you? X-(
Gordon : Incidentally, I need to take a dump X-(
         BRB X-(
Kahuna : An offering to your god no doubt? X-(
Gordon : You bet.
Kahuna : Praise the lord!

Father Gordon's plans to visit the inner sanctum, however, were not meant to be, for a diabolical interruption took place:

Gordon : My daughter just turned up and requested to
         be carried :-l
Kahuna : Oh shit!
Kahuna : [GUFFAW]
Gordon : [GUFFAW]
Kahuna : ROTFL.
Gordon : I will thump you with a diaper genie if you
         don't watch it X-(
Gordon : BRB X-(

Gordon eventually retired to his inner sanctum and returned after what appears to have been considerable prayer:

Kahuna : Have you prayed, my son? Do you feel the 
         relief? [GUFFAW]
Gordon : There is a god.

The next day, Kahuna sought an audience with Father Gordon once more:

Kahuna : Flush() Flush() Flush()
         Are you in 'Holy' Father?
Gordon : You're bogging me down X-(
Kahuna : You seem to be in deep shit, Father X-(
Gordon : I'm not taking advice from an old fart X-(
Kahuna : Temper, temper.  You're in a crappy mood.
Gordon : Bullshit.
Kahuna : Flush it X-(
Gordon : Why are you so uptight? Do you need a 
         laxative? X-(
Kahuna : Look who's talking.  You seem to be in 
         desperate need of prayer.
Gordon : Nonsense, I just prayed X-(
Kahuna : In the name of the Farter, the Bog and the
         Holy Bidet?

On that unquestionably septic note, we conclude this story. The die-hards among you who need further laughter can read the full Tale of the Painted Breast, replete with photographs.