KOTMALE, Sri Lanka -- "Kahuna" was sighted in the Kotmale area - reknown for its' high concentration of cows. The purpose of his visit was not announced however there is speculation that it is to validate the empirical evidence suggesting that bestiality is not consensual, by means of experiments on cows.

"Kahuna" was reportedly seen in a black and white suit sporting a tinkerbell and mooing seductively in the presence of cattle. The cattle were reportedly not responding to his amorous advances and he then tried his luck with the few horses in the area.

The Dutch Ambassador who was passing by the Kotmale area at that very moment, witnessed this gruesome spectacle and moved promptly to have this kind of disgraceful activity banned in his country through the Agriculture Ministry. A motion has already been moved in parliament. Click for Details...

KAHUNA'S RETREAT, Tahiti -- Yes, according to empirical evidence, bestiality is not consensual. In fact, the sheep were seen chasing Vandoofus all over the field and a Wide Area Border Collie had to be brought in to restore order. Justice Scalia can rest assured that Vandoofus did not consent. Now that we've got to the bottom of this sordid matter, we hope it can be laid to rest.

To add to the Scalia's story, it was reported by a newspaper, which shall remain anonymous, that Scalia has apparently expressed fear that by legalizing gay sex just because it is a consensual act between two adults, it will invariably follow with demands to legalize bestiality. I would like to point out, and Kahuna will confirm this, that bestiality is never consensual.

I felt like blogging to offset Kahuna’s dominance in the circus which has resulted in making the blog outright boring. Except for a few accounts of identity theft and story about how Kahuna survived an assassination attempt, the circus is full of useless and utterly uneventful writings with no real literary value. The reason very well may be that it’s main contributor is Kahuna the who think he is a supreme commander from Galactica Di-Area. Fortunately I am back from my sabbatical to contribute a few words to the otherwise pathetic blog. Now that I have said the forewords, I have nothing to follow up with. Such is the nature of my writing. A spectacular buildup and a totally sudden and unexpected end. So I hope this will keep the fellow bloggers and readers entertained until I blog again. Peace.

THE SUPREME COURT, Washington DC -- The Supreme Court today announced that Associate Justice Antonin Scalia will be embarking on a duck hunting expedition with Kahuna in the near future. This new development is despite public disapproval of Scalia's conduct with regard to a previous duck hunting trip with US Vice President Dick Cheney pending the lawsuit filed by the Sierra Club regarding his energy task force. Scalia's conduct has once again raised eyebrows in judicial circles. Justice Scalia forbade the recording of his comments on this latest development citing his first amendment right not to speak on radio or television when he chose not to.

THE SUPREME COURT, Washington DC -- The fact that Big "Kahuna" is now releasing press releases on behalf of the Amish people is to be considered sufficient proof that "Kahuna" himself is Amish.

TEMPLE OF KAHUNA, Jerusalem -- In a press release issued by his Offices, Kahuna stated that the Amish people were far too tolerant and demanded the death of the False Prophet.

LANCASTER COUNTY, Commonwealth of Pennsylvania -- The Amish people deplore the unprovoked denunciation of their lifestyle by the False Prophet of the Bogusan Empire. Drawing conclusions of affinity from potatoes is completely innapropriate and the Amish people will obstruct the premises of the Bogusan empire using horse-drawn carriages to protest this outrage.

THE GRAPEVINE -- The previous posting and it's affinity to potatoes has given rise to speculation that "Kahuna" is actually an Amish. This could probably also account for "Kahuna"'s lack of driving skills.

BOISE, Idaho -- In late breaking news, the Idaho Potato Commission revealed it had signed a multi-million dollar deal with Kahuna for export of Idaho potatoes. The exact nature of the arrangement was not specified. However, industry insiders speculated that Kahuna may be researching some form of potato-based weapon to compliment the Cheese of Mass Destruction announced in August last year. Critics maintained it was more likely that Kahuna was planning a potato and cheese food festival. Kahuna was not available for comment.

TREASURY DIVISION OF KAHUNA, Cayman Islands -- The Bogusan Empire has been billed LKR 1,075,500 for provision of ethical hacking and security services. A discount of LKR 107.55 has been offered as a goodwill gesture.

The "Real Kahuna" (who happens to be the False Prophet) can be found within the depths of the Bogusan Empire, close to the location of the recent ceiling collapse.

*sigh*
can the real kahuna please stand up?

ok - Kahuna

TEMPLE OF KAHUNA, Jerusalem -- It has come to the attention of Kahuna that an aging False Prophet of considerable girth has enthroned himself as the "Real Kahuna" within the utter depths of the Bogusan Empire. Kahuna notes that He and He alone holds the primary key "Kahuna" and any attempts to subvert this state of affairs is constrained by His Holy First Normal Form. The obvious key collision has led to the False Prophet prefixing a "Real" to his primary key in a singularly inept attempt to add a row to sys.dba_users. Sources indicated that the False Prophet has already been indicted for dress code and weight violations by the Subhuman Resources division of the Bogusan Empire. A spokesmonkey for the Empire added that charges relating to suspicious goings on in parked motor vehicles have, however, not been substantiated at this time.

BOGUSAN EMPIRE, Colombo -- "Kahuna" was recently fined Rs.107.55 for impersonation of a Bogusan Officer and disruption of work at the Empire. All sources associated with "Kahuna" have declined to comment on the incident.

REPUBLIC OF BOSTON, Former Massachusetts -- Certain bacterial elements at the Bogusan Empire who have been caught with their pants down by the security audit carried out by Kahuna have engaged in a smear campaign to discredit Him. The recent alliance between Kahuna and Google Inc., have further ruffled the unholy feathers leading to the publication of slander, which is libellous and actionable. Forgetting of passwords by the afore-mentioned elements has been logged as a further security violation. The wrath of Kahuna will be subtle, but malicious. Heh heh heh...

CHANGI AIRPORT, Singapore -- News just breaking in is revealing the true story of the flight-related buffoonery that was reported on this blog last week. It appears that the self appointed Kahuna had attempted to board the flight in the pretext that Kahuna does not require a ticket to fly.

Staff of SriLankan had informed "Kahuna" that he could not drive, let alone fly and offered him space in the luggage hold. "Kahuna" had protested loudly and created quite a ruckus at the airport. In an effort to minimize damage to it's reputation, SriLankan had then offered "Kahuna" a seat on the condition that Bogolever would fork the required quantum of LKR on return.

Not resting at that, "Kahuna" had attempted to demonstrate his Kahuna-status by occupying the seat of another passenger. He was promptly removed in drag-by-ear mode to his allocated seat and advised to behave himself.

The Inquiry at Bogolever into the incident has just commenced.

REGISTRY OF MOTOR VEHICLES, Colombo -- An open warrant has been issued for the arrest of Ranil Sanjeeva Amarasuriya for possession of a forged driving licence. Associates of Mr Amarasuriya commented that Ranil is only capable of driving people up the wall, and nothing else besides.

REPUBLIC OF BOSTON, Former Massachusetts -- Google Inc., owners of Blogger.com have provided Kahuna with a 1 GB (yep, that's GIGA byte) email account in recognition of Him being a blogger of repute. Accessing the trash folder results in a "No conversations in the trash. Who needs to delete when you have 1000 MB of storage?!" message. BUWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! May the mail quota be with you!