COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- The new year was ushered in once more on Sunday amidst the backdrop of escalating inflation and in particular, a skyrocketing kirimati futures market.
An incident that took place a few days before the solar transition has been blamed for this latter state of affairs: the Chief Pachyderm had allegedly seen it fit to declare himself the Anti-Pot and call for the smashing of earthenware on a national scale. The objective of this potty activity was evidently to protest against the ruling monkeys having ignored previous protests, potentially having decided to see or hear no evil. Naturally, the Anti-Pot's elegantly ill-conceived plan backfired. Upsetting the fragile clay pot economy just prior to the new year might have been unsound, forcing the masses to use virtually indestructible aluminium pots as piñatas in kana mutti contests was, however, tantamount to blasphemy. The Anti-Pot has since been at the receiving end of choice potshots[1][2].
The custom of deliberately demolishing earthenware appears to have originated in ancient Greece[3], no doubt under the auspices of a powerful cabal of potters seeking double-digit growth. Although, discouraged, it survives to the modern day in some Greek restaurants where plates are smashed at the conclusion of the meal to boisterous accompanying music. This activity is limited to purpose-made plates; kitchen utensils are generally left unharmed. It would appear that the Anti-Pot made an elephantine error in targeting the cookware during times of hardship. Had he done his homework, the Bane of Pots would have discovered that crockery contributed to the downfall of Salvador Allende who was President of Chile from 1970-1973. Time Magazine reported[4] at the time that:
Last week's demonstration, dubbed "the March of the Empty Pots," was organized by the opposition Christian Democrat and National parties to publicize Chile's food shortages and embarrass Allende on the eve of visiting Cuban Premier Fidel Castro's departure. More than 5,000 Chilean women, dressed in simple cotton prints, minis and sleek pantsuits, headed for downtown Santiago, snarling traffic and filling the spring evening air with the sounds of banging pans, patriotic songs and chants of "Chile, si! Cuba, no!"
The CIA is suspected to have been involved in organizing the march, although it is not entirely clear if this was the Central Intelligence Agency or the Culinary Institute of America. In any event, the critical success factor seems to have been banging on the pots, rather than smashing them. While this mode of action seems to suggest some manner of standing wave, further research is deemed necessary to arrive at a definitive conclusion.
In light of the proceedings, Kahuna and Professor Gordon convened an emergency meeting of the Board of Buffoons yesterday to review the Anti-Pot's activities. After speedy deliberation, the Board concluded that these are worthy of an entirely new classification of MH-complete (Mati Haraka) given their mammoth proportions.
On that note, we conclude this potshot and pledge to leave no potsherds unturned in our quest for pottery of the highest order.
[1] “UNP Pina Valan Kadak Gena Eka Bindapi Gona Ekata Mata Hina,” Lanka Newspapers, April 2, 2008.
[2] C Kuruppu, “Smashing Pots and Pans: CIA-Inspired,” Sri Lanka Watch.
[3] deTraci Regula, “Having a Smashing Time in Greece,” About.com.
[4] “Empty Pots and Yankee Plots,” Time Magazine, December 13, 1971.
