CITY OF WESTMINSTER, United Kingdom -- Despite the perquisites and privileges rendered unto the monkeys, the Temple is indeed a perilous place. Fisticuffs and brawls are commonplace, as is the practice of silencing the opposition with a few well-aimed tomes or items of furniture that had the misfortune of not being securely anchored.
Thus is the decorum with which their elected representatives discharge the business of the people. Of late, nonetheless, assault below the belt has also been practised in the Temple of the Monkey, sinking the traditions of Westminster to all-time low.
A recent discussion between Professor Gordon and Kahuna featured the behaviour of the monkeys. The learned anthropologist Gordon conjectured that should this form of practice take place in the mother of parliaments, the British House of Commons, Outright Buffoonery (OB) would result given the close seating arrangements.
Naturally, this led to extrapolation of such an incident in true British style.
[We begin during Prime Minister’s Question Time]
Prime Minister : …Therefore, Mr Speaker, I firmly believe that the Honourable Leader of the Opposition must ask himself…
[Scuffle from benches]
Member from Wangford : [Interrupting] Mr Speaker, the Honourable Home Secretary has just grabbed me in a most unparliamentary manner!
Home Secretary: [Sotto voce] Bollocks!
Speaker : [Startled] Order please! Will the members please keep their fellow members’ members alone?
Member : Mr Speaker, I wish to raise private member’s bill regarding this most unparliamentary conduct of the honourable member!
Speaker : [Agitated] There will strictly be no raising of members!
Member : Mr Speaker, I must protest most strongly at this limitation placed on members!
Speaker : [Visibly flustered] Is the Honourable Member for Wangford attempting to rise to the occasion?
Member : Mr Speaker, I will be forced to take matters into my own hands if you do not permit my member’s motion!
Speaker : [Turning purple] This exchange is not very uplifting, I will have the offending member removed if you persist in this atrocious behaviour!
Prime Minister : Mr Speaker, will the Honourable Member for Wangford kindly put a sock in it?
Fellow Members : Hear, hear!
[Lot of nodding]
Speaker : [Relieved] We should perhaps break for tea at this point.
Prime Minister : Mr Speaker, I fancy a cuppa myself.
Speaker : [Greatly relieved] Splendid!
And thus concludes this episode in our continuing series on parliamentary bogocracy.
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