Unquotable Quotes - Part 10

It’s rather difficult to remain credible with a balloon floating around one's office.

- Kahuna, on the pitfalls of a helium balloon doing the thermals during a project review.

Are you suggesting you're incredible by presence of balloon? That’s the most bogus thing I've heard in a while: incredibility by helium balloon.

- Gordon, taking an unduly gaseous view of the proceedings.

I have caused a flood.

- Kahuna, admitting complicity in a plumbing malfunction when operating the washer.

I have also personally laundered the household canine subsystems.

- Kahuna, taking credit for bathing the dogs.

To get the buffoon phone voice dialling to work, I have to shut off the stereo and warn all other occupants to shut up.

- Gordon, explaining the sophisticated voice-dialling capability of GITT Mk2.

The most interesting thing I did this week was to render a spiral.

- Kahuna, revealing graphic detail of his workweek.

Unfortunately, this French keyboard is getting to me.

- The Regulator, challenged by a non-standard input device in Tunis.

Are you asking people to toil for unknown gains?

- Gordon, on being told that the Quantum of Loot (QOL) of the Vandoofus Prize was as yet unspecified.

I will have you done in and be eligible for the peace prize, if you don’t watch it.

- Gordon, attempting to make peace with Kahuna using a brute-force method.

Bad roads are caused by politicians.

- Gordon’s Law of Legislated Potholes.

You can then be a higher accident risk as you fumble the collective while trying to change a CD.

- Kahuna to Gordon, on the risk of the arch-motorist operating a helicopter equipped with a compact disc player.

The fricking swan is your entry?

- St Vandoofus, questioning Kahuna’s entry for the Vandoofus Prize.

You will join the dots BTBOTP.

- Gordon, explaining his Dotted Line Method of Management Reporting.

I'm one. The pope is one. Therefore, the pope and I are one^[1].

- Kahuna, explaining the reason for his ultra-conservative views on sex.

When you pull this off, I'll be waiting with a shotgun.

Kahuna to Gordon, issuing an event-triggered parting shot.

A fire drill is in progress … I will however, try to avoid this by invading another floor.

- Gordon, laying out plans to circumvent a floor-specific evacuation exercise and the associated physical exertion of climbing down fifteen flights of stairs.

^[1] Originally attributed to logician Bertrand Russell.