Unquotable Quotes - Part 11

Can you clowns confirm you received this?

- Kahuna’s First Message to the Circus.

I got it you idiot. Now stop wasting my time.

- Huggles’s response to Kahuna’s First Message.

You only realize how huge a pelican is when they shit on you.

- Gordon’s Principle of Volumetric Ornithology.

The pelican must be in orbit after loosing so much mass.

- The Monster’s Propulsive Corollary to Gordon’s Principle of Volumetric Ornithology.

The pelican briefs or lack thereof.

- Darth Teddy’s Lemma to Gordon’s Principle of Volumetric Ornithology.

May a whole bunch of white pelicans line up and group shit upon you when you try to take your next photograph!

- Kahuna’s Prayer for Obstructing Optics with Collective Linear Ornithological Bombardment.

Barrel distortion huh? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?

- Darth Teddy to Gordon, challenging the latter’s profoundly rectilinear criticism of his photographs.

Let he who is not distorted like a barrel cast the first shadow.

- Kahuna’s Principle of Rectilinear Umbrage.

I say, what a superb composition! The vast open grassland bounded by verdant forest is an elegant counterpoint to the grandiloquent pachyderm pottering slightly to the left of the focal point. But, Wait! Is it my imagination or do I see space curving very slightly, almost imperceptibly—barrel distortion if you will—around our elephantine subject? Is this a job for that Savior of Optics, that Paragon of Reflection, that Baron of Lenses, that Grand Panjandrum of Refraction? Yes! It is a job for Professor Gordon, Pincushion Man!

- Kahuna, taking an eloquent, but non-rectilinear potshot at barrel distortion guru, Professor Gordon.

Your camera should file for a restraining order against you.

- Darth Teddy to St Vandoofus, setting a precedent in the nascent legal domain of abuse of optics.

Teddy might be a serious problem, and Gordon hasn’t even started. I need to hire a gun.

- St Vandoofus, launching and all-out offensive for the Vandoofus Prize after reviewing the quality of entries.

Black and white is not allowed. Everything looks good on black and white.

- St Vandoofus, expressing annoyance with Darth Teddy’s fishy photography.

This is clearly a case of arson. Now you're starting fires so that you can photograph them. Pyromaniac!

- Kahuna to St Vandoofus, making a case for attempted arson.

My fire is better than your fire.

- St Vandoofus, attempting to put out Gordon’s fire by peeing on it.

I’m going to lock the two of you in a small room.

- Kahuna, issuing a threat of joint incarceration to St Vandoofus and Darth Teddy in light of persistent bickering.

I think Vandoofus will fly over to castrate you.

- Kahuna to Darth Teddy, on being asked if the Whiskers Poll was a good idea.

We are 50%-50% to win, Monster.

- Darth Teddy, reporting highly nepotistic voting results to the Monster after they each voted for themselves in the Whiskers.

I am. Just ask most of Europe and parts of Asia.

- Darth Teddy, declaring his notably hung state.

I made a five-egg omelet yesterday.

- The Monster, revealing sordid details of overindulgence after consuming the goods.

I sometimes prepare omelets in the middle of the night.

- The Monster, pleading guilty to nocturnal cookery in the first-degree.

You are after sausage then?

- Darth Teddy, offering a wienerwurst to the Monster.

Bah, the sun has set. I will have to walk in the dark to the mailbox.

- The Monster, forecasting dark deeds in view to the sun’s exodus (4:36pm EST).

Its about to rise here, that's why.

- Kahuna, explaining the sun’s hasty disappearance over Connecticut (3:36am GMT+6).

I can't say that I like the way your family keeps emerging from the proverbial woodwork.

- Kahuna to the Monster, expressing annoyance at the recent surfacing of the latter along with Professor Gordon.