Portree Harbor

Portree Harbor

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- The trademark white, pink, blue and green buildings add a splash of color to the Portree harbor, as viewed from the MV Stardust underway with Darth Teddy and Kahuna on board.

Captured using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.5) and a resulting shutter speed of 1/800^th of a second. 

The Island

They say the skies of Lebanon are burning
Those mighty cedars bleeding in the heat
They're showing pictures on the television
Women and children dying in the street
And we're still at it in our own place
Still trying to reach the future through the past
Still trying to carve tomorrow from a tombstone...

Chorus

But Hey! Don't listen to me!
This wasn't meant to be no sad song
We've heard too much of that before
Right now I only want to be here with you
Till the morning dew comes falling
I want to take you to the island
And trace your footprints in the sand
And in the evening when the sun goes down
We'll make love to the sound of the ocean

They're raising banners over by the markets
Whitewashing slogans on the shipyard walls
Witchdoctors praying for a mighty showdown
No way our holy flag is gonna fall
Up here we sacrifice our children
To feed the worn-out dreams of yesterday
And teach them dying will lead us into glory...

Repeat chorus

Now I know us plain folks don't see all the story
And I know this peace and love's just copping out
And I guess these young boys dying in the ditches
Is just what being free is all about
And how this twisted wreckage down on main street
Will bring us all together in the end
And we'll go marching down the road to freedom...
Freedom

- Paul Brady, Back to the Centre (1985). Copyright © Hornall Brothers Music.

Sadly, some things never change. This is what Paul Brady says about writing this song:

Figuring out what to say about this song is almost as hard as writing it was in the first place. In early Eighties Ireland emotions were very high. Things had come to a head in the North. People were on hunger strike and dying. The Lebanon, Nicaragua, El Salvador, South Africa were all daily bearing witness to our capacity for cruelty, shortsightedness and greed. All around us politicians and public figures roaring drunk with their certainties.

I kind of wanted to give voice to this other ordinary man who was powerless to affect anything on a grand scale but was just trying to thread a way through all the emotional flak and stay in touch with what humans were designed to do. one to one. It was a controversial thing to be going on about at the time. If you're not with us, you're against us. Turning your back on your own. Many friendships ended in those days. The subsequent popularity of this song, due also in no small measure to Dolores Keane's beautiful rendition on 'A Woman's Heart' makes me feel that although I wasn't sure what I was dealing with, something was being said that needed to be said.

More Sea King Action

Golf Mike Uniform Overhead (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)



Golf Mike Uniform Chases the Portree Lifeboat (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- By popular demand, we present more Sea King photographs taken during the air-sea rescue demonstration at the Portree harbor.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with undisclosed parameters. 

Sea King in Action

Sea King in Action (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Golf Mike Uniform in action along with the Portree Lifeboat.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/8 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

Sikorsky Sea King

Sikorsky Sea King (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Sikorsky S61N Sea King Golf Mike Uniform, operated by HM Coastguard prepares for an air-sea rescue demonstration over Portree harbor.

The Sea King is a multi-purpose helicopter powered by two General Electric T58-GE-10 turboshaft engines each delivering 1,440 shp. It first flew in 1959 and entered service with the US Navy in 1961. The Sea King has a top speed of 267 kmh and a ceiling of 14,700 feet. It has an amphibious hull and can land on water in emergencies for a few minutes.

Captured on 10^th September 2005 using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with an aperture of f/7.1 and shutter speed of 1/250^th of a second. 

Vote for the Vandoofus Prize!

Vote Here!

... at your own risk.

The Chairman of the Board regrets any malfunction, inaccuracies, gas leaks, explosions, big bangs and whatever else that may happen when you vote.

Poll has an error margin of +/-110%

Vandoofus Prize Under Investigation

HOLLYWOOD, California -- Strong public opinion and outrage are growing at an alarming rate, as the organizers of the controversial Vandoofus Prize are yet to name a winning entry and photographer. The 31st December 2005 closing date is now a good two weeks behind us, and there is absolutley no news from the Board of Buffoons that ran the competition. St.Vandoofus himself is absconding, allegedly with the as yet undisclosed prizes that were to be offered for winning entries.

There is speculation that St.Vandoofus has planned to take prints of the submissions and sell them on the streets of New York City. The high quality works of art are a virtual goldmine to someone looking to make a business out of them.

The entire competition is now being watched closely by law enforcement agencies and St.Vandoofus' movements are reportedly being tracked by Interpol. It is speculated that Doofy will soon make the FBI's most wanted list.

Contestants and the general public alike wait in utter disappointment and disgust to see what will transpire in what has now been quoted to be the biggest online fraud in recent history...

Avro Vandoofus A

Avro Vandoofus A (Copyright © 2005 Vandoofus)




Avro Vandoofus A Oops (Copyright © 2005 Vandoofus)

Avro Vulcan B2

Avro Vulcan B2 (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

DUXFORD, United Kingdom -- An Avro Vulcan B2 bomber parked at the Imperial War Museum in Duxford.

Entering service in 1960, the Vulcan B2 was powered by four Rolls-Royce Olympus 301 engines, each delivering 20,000 lbs (89 kN) of thrust. The aircraft was part of the British nuclear deterrent, designed to carry Blue Danube, Yellow Sun and Red Beard nuclear bombs.

The Olympus 301 jet engines used on the Vulcan were the precursors of the Rolls-Royce/Snecma Olympus 593 engines developed for the Concorde. The 593 was first test flown attached to the underside of a Vulcan bomber in 1966.

Captured on 15^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.2) and a resultant shutter speed of a millisecond. 

Warning to Professor Gordon

Engine Number 1 of Golf Delta November (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

DUXFORD, United Kingdom -- Unmistakable bragging rights painted on the left outer engine cowling of British Pre-Production Concorde 101 (G-AXDN), now retired at the Imperial War Museum at Duxford.

Kahuna would be happy to demonstrate the 38,050 lbs (170 kN) thrust of the Olympus 593 engine while on afterburner, with the False Prophet tied to the engine nozzle (for decorative purposes).

Golf Delta November first flew on December 17^th 1971 and holds the speed record for fastest east-west Atlantic crossing by a commercial aircraft (2 hrs 56 mins) as well as the fastest east-west crossing of the continental United States (4 hrs 43 mins). It has clocked 168 supersonic flights and a top speed of Mach 2.23.

Captured on 15^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/4) and a resultant shutter speed of 1/80^th of a second. More exterior and interior photographs available on request. 

Ode to "Kahuna"

Kahuna

NEW JERSEY, USA -- A striking resemblance to "Big Kahuna" poses at a farm in New Jersey. Sony Cybershot DSC-P2, EXIF available on request.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 13

Darth Teddy seems to have an ear fetish. It’s like how I like women with big breasts. He seems to like men with big ears.

- St Vandoofus, analyzing Darth Teddy’s excessive interest in his ears.

I have a semi-nude of [Gordon]... Will that do?

- Bartus Maximus, querying the entry requirements for the Vandoofus Prize.

My god, drink something healthy. That stuff is too strong for you. It might bake you for life!

- The Regulator on hearing Kahuna’s intent to consume green tea.

I am disadvantaged by the bogus bandwidth at this end.

- Gordon, on being obstructed from participating in the Vandoofus Prize by Hans[a]’s network.

As a regulator, I knock people off for even mentioning VoIP.

- The Regulator, explaining her belief that long-distance voice should be limited to two tin cans and a piece of string.

In [a] banana republic, it’s considered highly democratic.

- The Regulator, justifying her policy of bumping off policy violators.

Always waste other peoples’ bandwidth.

- Kahuna’s Doctrine of Hogging Other People’s Bandwidth, better known as The Pipe is Always Bigger on the Other Subnet.

I have subcontracted DHL.

- Gordon, on being asked if he intends to do the rounds on Christmas Eve.

Would you prefer Sri Lanka Post then?

- Gordon, retaliating on being taken to task for outsourcing his delivery operation on Christmas Eve.

All my emissions are.

- Bartus Maximus, on being asked if his breath was still flammable after another night of excess.

Ho ho ho. Happy now?

- Gordon, on being told he was sorely lacking the Christmas spirit.

You'll be the death of me, I tell you.

- Gordon to Kahuna, on being told that images of GITT were indexed by Yahoo.

Who cares what sardines and [oxen] think?

- St Vandoofus, on being told about possible non-compliance with the Sarbanes-Oxley Act.

The title is obscene.

- Gordon, attempting to pass judgement on The Captain’s Rod in terms of Miller v. California, 413 U.S. 15 (1973).

He's piss drunk.

- Confucius, reporting on the intoxicated status of St Vandoofus.

Hang on, my sarong just [fell off].

- Gordon, declaring an unscheduled disrobe event during a telephone conversation with Kahuna.

Yes, it just fell off.

- Gordon, confirming that the wardrobe malfunction did indeed take place without an external stimulus.

Welcome to the communist party. To make a donation, press 1. For a general strike, press 2. For a revolution, press 3. For democratic reforms, please hang up.

- Kahuna, hypothesising the communist party’s voice response system.

And you thought outsourcing to Asia was the solution?

- Kahuna to St Vandoofus, on being asked to post His Holiness’s photographs to the Circus.

ARGGGGH! Thief!

- The Monster, responding to a confiscate(xbox) instruction issued by Kahuna.

And you believe this will provide all the answers?

- Kahuna to the Monster, on learning of the latter’s plan to watch What Women Want.

Can't use my personal time to do personal things.

- St Vandoofus, making himself at home during work.

Best Wishes for the New Year

Light to Thy Path (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

Wind to thy wings.  Light to thy path.  Dreams to thy heart.

- Anonymous

MOUNT LAVINIA, Sri Lanka -- A candle floating on water in a glass vessel heralds the approaching new year in the Garden of Huggles. The Circus wishes all clowns an exceptional 2006.

Captured two hours before midnight with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/4) and resultant shutter speed of 1/8^th of a second.

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries,
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You... you may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You... you may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will live as one

- John Lennon (1971)

John Lennon's utopian song, Imagine was voted third Greatest Song of All Time by Rolling Stone magazine. According to the Wikipedia, the refrain is believed to have been written by Yoko Ono in reaction to her childhood in Japan during World War II.

A Suffusion of Yellow

A Suffusion of Yellow (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

INVERNESS-SHIRE, Scotland -- Suspected members of the Asteraceae (daisy) family in bloom at a stop along the A82.

Fans of the late Douglas Adams will remember the expression A Suffusion of Yellow from The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul. In the book, this is how Dirk Gently's I Ching calculator evaluated any arithmetic expression resulting in a number greater than four. So, while 2 + 2 = 4, 3 + 2 = "A Suffusion of Yellow". A simulation of the calculator can be found here.

Captured on 12^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/2.8) and a resultant shutter speed of a millisecond.

St Andrew's Cross

St Andrew's Cross (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

INVERNESS-SHIRE, Scotland -- The sun shines through the Flag of Scotland, somewhere along the A82 from Inverness to Invermoriston. The flag, also known as The Saltire and St Andrew's Cross is one of the oldest in the world, with its origin recorded in the 9^th century.

Captured on 12^th September 2005 with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1, 1/800th of a second shutter and aperture of f/8. 

The Captain's Rod

The Captain's Rod (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- Captain's rod, Stardust... Oops, wrong show. Anyway, here we are on the MV Stardust, a vessel whose engine had failed and needed to be towed back the previous day. Of course, this wasn't revealed until we were underway and out of screaming distance from the harbor.

Here we see the branded personal flotation device next to a color-matched cylinder of Calor Gas (butane). The captain's rod is to the extreme left. Darth Teddy, an expert deep sea fisherman (especially in turbulant waters), was seen taking a considerable interest in the captain's rod.

Oh yeah, 10^th September, Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on aperture priority (f/3.5) and resultant shutter of 1/800^th of a second. 

All that Glitters is the Sea

All that Glitters is the Sea (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PORTREE, Isle of Skye -- A millisecond shutter captures the shimmering surface of the sea across the Sound of Raasay, looking east from Portree harbor. The town is called Port Rígh (the King's Port) in Gaelic, after a visit by James V of Scotland in 1540.

Darth Teddy and Kahuna escaped to Portree after a harrowing and hungry night in Bernisdale, surrounded by large black cats^[1]. Naturally, this called for pigging out on fish, chips and Scottish ale on the pier. This was followed by an air-sea rescue demonstration conducted by HM Coastguard. More photographs will follow.

Darth Teddy's photograph, An Ode to Waffles was taken during a tour of Portree Bay aboard the MV Stardust, after the skipper (also a large clown) decided to drop everything and fish instead.

Captured on 10^th September 2005, with a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on shutter priority (1/1000^th of a second) and a resulting aperture of f/6.3.

^[1] For more sordid information, please refer Kahuna Returns, Confirms Dark Deeds, Darth Teddy will Shed Light, for a Price, Kahuna Accuses Darth Teddy of Bernisdale Fiasco, Teddy Denies Allegations and Sheds More Light and Unquotable Quotes - Part 7.

Unquotable Quotes - Part 12

My bee's better than your fly!

- The Monster to Darth Teddy, parading his insect.

Stop looking at my fly!

- Darth Teddy to the Monster, declaring a surveillance blackout on his fly.

I will ship a Venus Flytrap to your premises if you're not careful.

- Kahuna to the Monster, threatening to resurrect His one-time carnivorous plant business.

That idiot has published an elephant saying it’s an ode to me.

- Gordon, fuming at Darth Teddy’s elephantine photographic tribute.

I am scared to check my Gmail.

- St Vandoofus, voicing serious reservations after Kahuna activated the comment distribution feature.

Official mails are now like the proverbial needle in the haystack.

- Gordon to Kahuna, declaring a mailbox flooded status thanks to Kahuna’s comment distribution feature.

You have implemented non-standard technologies. This is in violation of MIS Policy #3215.63B. You shall rot in hell.

- Bartus Maximus to Kahuna, upon being brought back to life by the incessant comment distribution feature.

My Xbox will arrive tomorrow, you will have peace, my presence thereafter will be [minimal], [and] you will reign King!

- The Monster to Kahuna, implicating Elvis is his quest to be One with the Xbox.

I thought fly-fishing was what you did while in an aeroplane.

- Darth Teddy, on the art of using a hook, line and rod at high altitude.

I have done nothing in mid-air.

- Darth Teddy, pleading innocent to aerial acrobatics at 37,000 feet.

Well, the purser was roaming the cabin.

- Darth Teddy, on being thwarted in an attempt to join the Mile High Club^[1].

That’s gotta hurt.

- Darth Teddy, on being asked if he has watched A River Runs Through It.

[Kahuna] is compiling UQ12 isn't he?

- Darth Teddy, suspecting an ulterior motive behind a conference session facilitated by Kahuna.

We have been lured into a trap!

- The Monster, accusing Kahuna of premeditated entrapment to create UQ12.

Which Kahuna’s hand is that?

- St Vandoofus, committing blasphemy by proposing the existence of more than one Kahuna.

You have multiple avenues to bad-mouth me now.

- Gordon to Kahuna, on being told that the Circus is being podcasted and accessible from iTunes.

I am considering relinquishing the "Real Kahuna" title in order to avoid confusion. I will continue as Darth Gordon, Keeper of the Faith.

- Gordon, realizing that his days as Kahuna-wannabe are numbered.

You will not use the editor. Its compose mode will nest your tags to high heaven.

- Kahuna, warning Gordon about the Blogger Editor after noticing extra-strong markup in the latter’s post.

Oh, they flew it in from Dublin did they?

- Kahuna to Gordon, on being told that the Irish coffee at a previously blacklisted hotel was NB.

I think we should walk in with a lightsaber sometime and thump [the Executive Chef].

- Gordon, proposing to make a complaint, Sith-style.

Who is this Regulator person?

- Darth Teddy to Kahuna, seeking to unveil the Regulator.

You’re causing editing halfway across the planet.

- Kahuna to Darth Teddy, accusing the latter of markup requiring subsequent cleanup.

You will search on Yahoo for "volumetric ornithology". You appear to be a pioneer in your field.

- Kahuna congratulating Gordon on the latter’s groundbreaking work being recognized by Yahoo.

The State of New York is about to slap you with a lawsuit for wanton waste of water.

- Kahuna to Gordon, on 1.4 million litres of water unaccounted for during a photo shoot.

It must be your mass. According to special relativity it must be causing space around you to bend out of shape. Hence, radio waves find it hard to leave your locality.

- Kahuna, explaining poor GPRS reception in Gordon’s immediate vicinity.

Which is about 0.000000000000000000000000111 meters.

- Kahuna, calculating Gordon’s Schwarzschild radius in a bid to prove the existence of a black hole.

You’re expending 1.25 kilo Joules per minute while you wait.

- Kahuna to Gordon, calculating the energy used by the latter as he waits for his web page to load.

Teamwork is defined where the PM does nothing.

- The Monster’s Principle of Highly Defective Teamwork.

In that case the PM is wasting oxygen and should be put to death.

- Kahuna’s Corollary to The Monster’s Principle of Highly Defective Teamwork.

I am trying to be diplomatic, except for the occasional nudge that I can't resist.

- St Vandoofus, outlining his foreign policy towards Darth Teddy.

You’re nudging in troubled waters.

- Kahuna, commenting on St Vandoofus’s foreign policy.

This will cause problems for voice recognition systems too methinks.

- Gordon, expressing grave reservations regarding the village formerly known as Llanfynydd^[2] in Wales.

So you didn't like my sneaky advertising?

- St Vandoofus to Kahuna, after the latter toned down blatant propaganda on the Circus.

^[1] Make sure you visit the links at the bottom of the Wikipedia page.
^[2] Now, Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole.

Board Annouces Vandoofus Prize Homepage

HOLLYWOOD, California Republic (ENN) -- In a press release today, the Board of Buffoons announced that with the deadline approaching, the best of the clowns’ work has been consolidated at the Vandoofus Prize Homepage.

The Board would like to thank the management of Lankawatch.com for generously agreeing to host the homepage.

The Board has selected three entries from each contestant and of course if the contestant disagrees with the selections they may change it at anytime before midnight on 31^st December 2005 by informing the Chairman or the Technical Director. Online polls for the Vandoofus Prize for the Best Photograph and the Vandoofus Prize for the Best Photographer will be available starting midnight on the 31^st and will be open to the public for a week. It is the hope of the Board that all participants will play fair and encourage as many non-clowns as possible to vote in the competition.

The press release also stated the Board Chairman has responded to accusations by Darth Teddy that the Vandoofus Prize is a “cheap imitation” of “Whiskers” by raising his hand with the thumb pointing down, and the bringing the little finger to the edge of his lips and saying “Riiiiiiggghttt.”

In a gesture of reconciliation, he later invited Darth Teddy to become his mini-me.

Gravity and Light

Niagara (Copyright © 2003 The Real Kahuna) The Falls by night, floodlit from Canada.

KATUGASTOTA, Sri Lanka -- I have decided to take a few minutes (actually about a good half hour over @#$#$%#@% GPRS) to recognize St Doofy's call to "lose the macro mode."

This is as far as it gets from macro - wide angle with a long exposure. Sony DSC-D770 on tripod mount, manual exposure at f/2.4 for 1/2 second. "Kahuna" would probably have calculated how much water went over the falls during the shot but I can't be bothered... :-D

Kahuna Warns Squabbling Duo

RIO DE KAHUNA, Brazil -- Speaking to KNN today, Kahuna expressed annoyance at the ongoing bickering between St Vandoofus and Darth Teddy, saying that it posed a serious threat to the overall purpose of the photographic contest that was at the crux of the dispute.

In His statement Kahuna made it clear that Vandoofus and Darth Teddy must negotiate a settlement to avoid cluttering the marketplace with their assorted brand identities and dilute the original purpose of the contest, which was to showcase good photography.

Kahuna fumed that running two prizes was an administrative complexity that would end up with Him editing unholy markup well into the wee hours. He warned that He would be forced to thump both parties unless Darth Teddy and Vandoofus sorted out their differences and presented a unified award.

KNN will bring you live coverage of any thumping.

Don't be Fooled by Cheap Imitations

JEDDAH, Saudi Arabia -- Reports just in from a BNN journalist are that mediocre arsonist Van "no talent" Doofus has been trying to pass off his prize on equal par with the Whiskers. One of our reporters is in critical condition having almost died by laughing at the idea.

The current entries have been subjected to a democratic poll in accordance with the rules of the Whiskers and anyone that wishes to view the results may do so at their leisure. The polls will be open for 7 days after which the winners will be announced. The winner of the Whisker for Best Photograph overall will be announced on the 2^nd of January as the co-ordinator (DT) will be transporting himself from Jeddah to Colombo on the 31^st of December.

When asked about Vandoofus's comments about mediocre contributions by the Monster and DT, the Bear said, "what more can you expect from a person who's camera has taken a restraining order against him." Our reporter laughed and nodded in agreement.

Thats all from BNN right now and now for the weather by Hurricane Whirly...

Closing Date for the Vandoofus Prize Announced

HOLLYWOOD, California Republic (ENN) -- The Board of Buffoons organizing the Vandoofus Prize (also cutely referred to as “Whiskers” by some) has released a statement clarifying the closing date for the ‘blasted competition.’ In the statement the board said the deadline for submitting photographs will be at 23:59:59 Coordinated Universal Time on the 31^st of December 2005.

The statement added that an extension until the end of January was considered, given that some members have reportedly left civilization and are unable to submit entries. However, the board has decided to follow the advice of Kahuna who has apparently said “we can't be adjusting for clowns” and decided to stick to the original deadline of 31^st December.

The winners will be announced a week from the closing date. About 6 clowns are vying for the prestigious Vandoofus Prize. Two honors, The Vandoofus Prize for the Best Photograph and the Vandoofus Prize for the Best Photographer, will be awarded to the best overall photograph and the most creative photographer respectively. The winners will be selected by a poll open to the public. The photographs are being consolidated in one page by Kahuna, the Technical Director of the competition, for purposes of voting.

The board also stated that they are undecided whether to continue the competition as an annual event or given the huge success of the first ever Vandoofus Prize, to hold the event quarterly. The decision will be announced after the award ceremony planned to be held in January 2006.

The Chairman of the Board talking to reporters also requested from the contestants, especially the Monster and Darth Teddy, who seem to have an awful lot of time to run around with a camera (a condition also known as ‘joblessness’), not to flood the Circus with mediocre entries as the deadline approaches. The Chairman also urged the contestants to lose the ‘macro mode’ if possible and to use other subjects beside insects to diversify the competition.

Anthropology 106

KATUGASTOTA, Sri Lanka -- The second entry in the anthropology series. 106 by virtue of the six ants. :-)

Picture shows a team of ants executing a move(egg) instruction in block transfer mode with load balancing in effect. Part of a larger convoy that spanned an entire wall.

Here, is there a closing date for this blasted competition?

Teamwork (Copyright © 2005 The Real Kahuna)

The Low-Down in Westminster

CITY OF WESTMINSTER, United Kingdom -- Despite the perquisites and privileges rendered unto the monkeys, the Temple is indeed a perilous place. Fisticuffs and brawls are commonplace, as is the practice of silencing the opposition with a few well-aimed tomes or items of furniture that had the misfortune of not being securely anchored.

Thus is the decorum with which their elected representatives discharge the business of the people. Of late, nonetheless, assault below the belt has also been practised in the Temple of the Monkey, sinking the traditions of Westminster to all-time low.

A recent discussion between Professor Gordon and Kahuna featured the behaviour of the monkeys. The learned anthropologist Gordon conjectured that should this form of practice take place in the mother of parliaments, the British House of Commons, Outright Buffoonery (OB) would result given the close seating arrangements.

Naturally, this led to extrapolation of such an incident in true British style.

[We begin during Prime Minister’s Question Time]

Prime Minister : …Therefore, Mr Speaker, I firmly believe that the Honourable Leader of the Opposition must ask himself…

[Scuffle from benches]

Member from Wangford : [Interrupting] Mr Speaker, the Honourable Home Secretary has just grabbed me in a most unparliamentary manner!

Home Secretary: [Sotto voce] Bollocks!

Speaker : [Startled] Order please! Will the members please keep their fellow members’ members alone?

Member : Mr Speaker, I wish to raise private member’s bill regarding this most unparliamentary conduct of the honourable member!

Speaker : [Agitated] There will strictly be no raising of members!

Member : Mr Speaker, I must protest most strongly at this limitation placed on members!

Speaker : [Visibly flustered] Is the Honourable Member for Wangford attempting to rise to the occasion?

Member : Mr Speaker, I will be forced to take matters into my own hands if you do not permit my member’s motion!

Speaker : [Turning purple] This exchange is not very uplifting, I will have the offending member removed if you persist in this atrocious behaviour!

Prime Minister : Mr Speaker, will the Honourable Member for Wangford kindly put a sock in it?

Fellow Members : Hear, hear!

[Lot of nodding]

Speaker : [Relieved] We should perhaps break for tea at this point.

Prime Minister : Mr Speaker, I fancy a cuppa myself.

Speaker : [Greatly relieved] Splendid!

And thus concludes this episode in our continuing series on parliamentary bogocracy.

Suspended Stearman

Suspended Stearman (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

DUXFORD, United Kingdom -- A Boeing Stearman PT-17 suspended from the roof of the massive American Air Museum hanger at the Imperial War Museum complex in Duxford, near Cambridge.

The Stearman was a two-seater biplane introduced in 1936 and most pilots who served during the Second World War began their flight training in such an aircraft. According to Boeing^[1], The PT-17 was powered by a 220-horsepower Continental R-670-5 piston radial engine with a top speed of 124 mph (200 kmph) and a ceiling of 11,200 feet. More information about the aircraft is also available at Airliners.net^[2].

Other aircraft on display included a Boeing B-52D Stratofortress (an aircraft so large that it took up most of the hanger) and the only Lockheed SR-71A Blackbird on display outside the United States. The B-52D was impossible to photograph in its entirety given the lack of a suitable wide-angled lens and the confines and congestion in the hanger. This map of the hanger illustrates the relative size of the aircraft. Kahuna blessed both aircraft by touching them [evil grin]^[3].

The photograph was captured on 16^th September 2005, using a Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 with flash on aperture priority (f/2.8) and a resultant shutter speed of 1/50^th of a second.

^[1] Boeing History: Stearman Kaydet Trainer.
^[2] Airliners.net: The Boeing Stearman.
^[3] Professor Gordon, take note.

The Hand of Kahuna

The Hand of Kahuna (Copyright © 2005 Huggles)

YALA, Sri Lanka -- Droplets of water frozen in time as Kahuna uses a bottle cap for an impromptu demonstration of shutter priority to Huggles.

Captured by Huggles on 22^nd July 2005, with his Canon PowerShot S1 on shutter priority (1/1000^th of a second) and a resulting aperture of f/3.1.

Whisker for Most Photogenic Insect

MADISON SQUARE GARDENS, New York -- The Nominess for the Most Photogenic Insect are:

Most Photogenic Insect
	Heaven? by The Monster
	Caterpilla Upside Down by Huggles
	Life On The Wire by The Real Kahuna
	Heaven by The Monster
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Anthropology 101

Life on the Wire (Copyright © 2002 The Real Kahuna)

BANDARAWELA, Sri Lanka -- I had to take a few minutes off my vacation to post this due the the recent flurry of insect-related activity (both in terms of subjects and photographers.)

Old faithful D770 at work once more, EXIF available on request :-P.

Camp Fire

Sparks Flying in Yala Last Month (Copyright © 2005 Huggles) 

Pre-Flutterby

Caterpilla Upside Down (Copyright © 2005 Huggles) 

A Matter of National Security

THE WHITE HOUSE, Washington DC -- In a bipartisan vote, the Senate Friday blocked passage of a bill reauthorising controversial surveillance provisions of the Patriot Act.

However in a bid to persuade the house to reconsider their stand did the office release the following detailed captures of illegal activity in the far corners of Southeast-Asia threatening the peace back in our homes.

Heaven? (Copyright © 2005 The Monster) A butterfly couple in heavenly serenity [at least till the officials arrived at the scene] goin on about with their acts of global threat, captured in the wilderness of Ganemulla, Sri Lanka.

A White House spokesman at the press conference expressed to the media that the copulation between butterflies in the Southeastern and Central Asian regions has always posed and continues to grow as a serious threat to the overall security of the nation and civil liberties therein.

He added that the timely capture of the above surveillance photography is to be credited to the sixteen provisions given to the law enforcement and national security investigators by the Patriot act which is to expire on the 31^st of December 2005.

"The Act expires on December 31^th, but the butterfly threat does not," said Sen George Butterphly.

The Senator concluded the proceedings by adding that the house must unite as one and work towards the speedy approval of the reauthorization in the name of national security and liberty from the threats posed by foreign Papilionoidea.

Blogs of Note

REPUBLIC OF BOSTON, Former Massachusetts -- Kahuna announced today that the Circus would maintain a list of noteworthy blogs in the sidebar, just under the Archives section.

Clowns are invited to nominate suitable blogs. For starters, Andy's hilarious blogs The Hanging Stranger and I'm an Intern in New York have been included.

KNN will provide updates on this latest buffoonery.

Clowns Advised to Update Blogger Profile

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- It was discovered in the wee hours of Sunday that the comment distribution feature was apparently not working for anyone other than Kahuna. This led to extensive research into the matter, aided and abetted by the Monster from the Connecticut Bureau of Buffoonery.

The findings indicate that for the feature to work, clowns must have a Blogger profile and a public email address. Clowns are advised to create or update their profiles accordingly. The profiles of Kahuna, Darth Teddy or the Monster may be used as examples.

Non-compliant clowns will only receive irritating comment notification from other clowns. Thus, they will not be able to counter-annoy with their own comments.

It’s a no-win situation actually. So, go update. Heh heh!

Almost There

Fly? (Copyright © 2005 The Vandoofus)

NEW YORK CITY, New York -- Finally, with help of Kahuna, I discovered what macro mode is! This is my attempt to copy the Monster's Heaven. Promise there was a fricking fly right there.

Big Kahuna Distressed by the Monstrous Gordon Siblings

MESSENGER.YAHOO.COM, California Republic -- The following took place at approximately 0333 hours EST, just moments after The Monster posted a smart-ass comment regarding Darth Teddy's not-so-picturesque fly on the Circus.^[1]

It is during this time at which The Monster's online presence at unholy ante meridian hours appear to have caused Big Kahuna to experience yet another painful episode of distress at the hands of one-half of the Monstro-Gordon siblings.

This is no doubt a true testament to the NB Nuisance-Genes that run in the Gordon family tree.

Kahuna      : Are you and your sibling attempting
              some kind of global 24x7 availability
              service?
The Monster : You mean I'm up when he's away...[?]
Kahuna      : Indeed... one of you is always
              present and causing annoyance
The Monster : Indeed =) [We are]
Kahuna      : BTWOKT

^[1] For purpose of clarity, this dialogue has been slightly modified from it's original state by The Monster. Full dialogue will be made available on request.^[2]
[2] Please take a moment to vote for the monstrous half of the Monstro-Gordon siblings, The Monster!

The Whisker for Best Entry, Non-Human, Living or Recently Living

MADISION SQUARE GARDENS, New York -- The nominees are:

Best Entry for Non-Human, Living or Recently Living
	Okay, Maybe Just One by Big Kahuna
	Barrel Distortion Personified by Darth Teddy
	Waffles in Repose by Big Kahuna
	A Fishy Situation by Darth Teddy
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Unquotable Quotes - Part 11

Can you clowns confirm you received this?

- Kahuna’s First Message to the Circus.

I got it you idiot. Now stop wasting my time.

- Huggles’s response to Kahuna’s First Message.

You only realize how huge a pelican is when they shit on you.

- Gordon’s Principle of Volumetric Ornithology.

The pelican must be in orbit after loosing so much mass.

- The Monster’s Propulsive Corollary to Gordon’s Principle of Volumetric Ornithology.

The pelican briefs or lack thereof.

- Darth Teddy’s Lemma to Gordon’s Principle of Volumetric Ornithology.

May a whole bunch of white pelicans line up and group shit upon you when you try to take your next photograph!

- Kahuna’s Prayer for Obstructing Optics with Collective Linear Ornithological Bombardment.

Barrel distortion huh? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?

- Darth Teddy to Gordon, challenging the latter’s profoundly rectilinear criticism of his photographs.

Let he who is not distorted like a barrel cast the first shadow.

- Kahuna’s Principle of Rectilinear Umbrage.

I say, what a superb composition! The vast open grassland bounded by verdant forest is an elegant counterpoint to the grandiloquent pachyderm pottering slightly to the left of the focal point. But, Wait! Is it my imagination or do I see space curving very slightly, almost imperceptibly—barrel distortion if you will—around our elephantine subject? Is this a job for that Savior of Optics, that Paragon of Reflection, that Baron of Lenses, that Grand Panjandrum of Refraction? Yes! It is a job for Professor Gordon, Pincushion Man!

- Kahuna, taking an eloquent, but non-rectilinear potshot at barrel distortion guru, Professor Gordon.

Your camera should file for a restraining order against you.

- Darth Teddy to St Vandoofus, setting a precedent in the nascent legal domain of abuse of optics.

Teddy might be a serious problem, and Gordon hasn’t even started. I need to hire a gun.

- St Vandoofus, launching and all-out offensive for the Vandoofus Prize after reviewing the quality of entries.

Black and white is not allowed. Everything looks good on black and white.

- St Vandoofus, expressing annoyance with Darth Teddy’s fishy photography.

This is clearly a case of arson. Now you're starting fires so that you can photograph them. Pyromaniac!

- Kahuna to St Vandoofus, making a case for attempted arson.

My fire is better than your fire.

- St Vandoofus, attempting to put out Gordon’s fire by peeing on it.

I’m going to lock the two of you in a small room.

- Kahuna, issuing a threat of joint incarceration to St Vandoofus and Darth Teddy in light of persistent bickering.

I think Vandoofus will fly over to castrate you.

- Kahuna to Darth Teddy, on being asked if the Whiskers Poll was a good idea.

We are 50%-50% to win, Monster.

- Darth Teddy, reporting highly nepotistic voting results to the Monster after they each voted for themselves in the Whiskers.

I am. Just ask most of Europe and parts of Asia.

- Darth Teddy, declaring his notably hung state.

I made a five-egg omelet yesterday.

- The Monster, revealing sordid details of overindulgence after consuming the goods.

I sometimes prepare omelets in the middle of the night.

- The Monster, pleading guilty to nocturnal cookery in the first-degree.

You are after sausage then?

- Darth Teddy, offering a wienerwurst to the Monster.

Bah, the sun has set. I will have to walk in the dark to the mailbox.

- The Monster, forecasting dark deeds in view to the sun’s exodus (4:36pm EST).

Its about to rise here, that's why.

- Kahuna, explaining the sun’s hasty disappearance over Connecticut (3:36am GMT+6).

I can't say that I like the way your family keeps emerging from the proverbial woodwork.

- Kahuna to the Monster, expressing annoyance at the recent surfacing of the latter along with Professor Gordon.

Catching some ZZZZ's

An Insect in It's Peaceful Slumber (Copyright © 2005 Darth Teddy)

Heavenly Serenity

MIDDLETOWN, Connecticut -- Greetings folks, I have yet another capture for your hungry eyes [especially of the judges], I'm sure you'll savor it.

Heaven (Copyright © 2005 The Monster)^[1] A Honeybee in heavenly serenity, captured minutes after a morning monsoon shower down in Ganemulla, Sri Lanka.

Wondering where on heavenly earth that is? Well, believe it or not that is the hood of the GITT [Gordon Industries Ten Thousand not GITT Mk2] covered in rain residue. And what on earth is a bee doing on it? Well, perhaps its thinking it's a gigantic blossom or something, dumb ass! I haven't the simplest clue as to why that nut is there.

However what I can tell you is that it was a sure member of the beehive^[2] up in my ceiling! Why the past tense was? Well I sort of killed the fellow moments after I captured it on camera >:) heh heh.

Jeeze! Kidding guys! What do you think I am? A Monster or something!

Well yes, I live in a bee infested corner of Kendaliyaddapaulwa, and believe me the constant buzzing can really get to you sometimes. So much so at times I wished I had the services of the Real Kahuna or St Vandoofus to smoke the living BUZZ out of em!

Nevertheless, thank you for the pose Spike!^[3]

^[1] Please note that I haven't the original capture of this setting but have posted a scaled down copy that I dug up from my mail archives, will post the original once reveived from the archives of the Real Kahuna.
^[2] The beehive is now uninhabited.
^[3] Now don't forget to vote for The Monster!

The Whisker for Most Eye-Catching Entry

MADISON SQUARE GARDENS, New York -- Welcome to the Whiskers. The nominees for the most eye-catching entry are:

The Most Eye-Catching Entry
	Foliage Ablaze by The Monster
	Boats at Anchor on Windemere by Big Kahuna
	The Setting of Day by Darth Teddy
	Chlorophyll in Plentiful by The Monster
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Kahuna Announces Comment Notification and Backlinks

REPUBLIC OF BOSTON, Former Massachusetts -- In a press release issued today, Kahuna outlined changes made to the Circus.

Firstly, an automatic email will be sent to all clowns whenever a comment is posted on the blog. This has been done by integrating the blog with the Circus group on Yahoo. Bartus Maximus and St Vandoofus who were not members of the Yahoo group have been added by force.

Secondly, the backlinks feature has been enabled on the blog to track links from other blogs to the Circus. This can be seen in the byline of each post, next to the comments link.

Kahuna indicated that both changes have been made to increase the reach of the Circus.

Snow on the Sahara

Falling Snow at Night (Copyright © 2005 Darth Teddy) 

Snowy Hills

Snow Covered Hills (Copyright © 2005 Darth Teddy)

Unanimous Vote – Vandoofus Ousted

JEDDAH, Saudi Arabia -- In an emergency gathering today of all entrants to the Vandoofus photo comptetion, a vote was taken to eject Vandoofus and the yellow streak running down his back, from the competiton. Investigations had revealed that Vandoofus had not bargained on accomodating entrants other than himself in the competiton thus paving the way for his resulting woes. The new board of directors which including Kahunas Big and Real, the Monster and DT invite others to post their entries in the competiton. With respect to the Oscars, the competition has aptly been renamed the Whiskers.

The entries thus far of former entrant St Vandoofus will be accomodated in the competition but will recieve no rating higher than 10^th place. All new entries from St Vandoofus will be illegible for the Whiskers. The categories of prizes and location of the event will be announced later, so until then please keep your entries flowing.

The Many Moods of Sparky

Photograph? Nah! (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)



Okay, Maybe Just One (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)



Say Cheese! (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)



All Right, Enough Already! (Copyright © 2005 B Kahuna)

PANADURA, Sri Lanka -- Senior Canine Sparky in a rare tolerant mood, poses for Kahuna. Sparky likes Kotmale cheese and loves vanilla ice cream, which he demands after lunch on Sunday.

Captured on 3^rd July 2005 with a flash-enabled Sony CyberShot DSC-V1 on shutter priority (1/200^th of a second) and resulting aperture of f/4.

Vandoofus Prize Macro Entries

MIDDLETOWN, Connecticut - I have once again emerged from the claws of imperial subjugation and have meandered into the fires of the Circus [I mean Jeeze, what's with the fire fetish people!?]

Nevertheless, keeping with the latest trends in the Circus; even though there are a number of disturbing instances of malpractice among the Vandoofus Prize participants and also news from credible sources that the competition organisers have indeed already carved their own names onto the prizes, here I am posting a couple of macro captures, for the genre appears to be poorly represented in the competition.

After all “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game” [at least to some of us], bon visionnement!

Russian Dolls on a Visit to Central Park (Copyright © 2005 The Monster) Russian dolls put up for sale on 59^th Street, NYC, gazing in amazement at the beauty of Central Park, located on the left to the picture.


Chlorophyll in Plentiful (Copyright © 2005 The Monster) Simply refreshing to the eye, a plant for which I haven't the name, washed clean after a morning monsoon shower, Ganemulla, Sri Lanka.

Notes:

[1] These entries are untainted products created through perfectly legitimate photographic equipment and have no association with any type of design application(s) [Microsoft^® Visio^®, etc].

[2] All optical image stabilization technologies [Super Steady Shot^®, etc] of said equipment were disabled while photographing, exemplifying the fact that the photographer was indeed sober and not under the influence of any banned substances while capturing them.

Best of the Circus: Unit of Measure for Rainfall

COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- Today we debut a new feature in which we publish evidence of utter buffoonery that is part of the permanent record of the Circus. To kick things off, we publish below a note written on 25^th September 2001 by Kahuna to Teddybert^[1], the future Professor Gordon:

Dear Teddybert,

Your use of vertebrates ("cats and dogs") and invertebrates ("caterpillars") as units of measure of rainfall is hereby declared inappropriate under prevailing laws. This is buffoonery of the highest order and cannot be tolerated under any circumstances.

The standard unit of measure of rainfall is the millimeter, which is defined to be 1 thousandth of a reference meter which in turn is defined as the length of the path traveled by light in a vacuum during a time interval of 1/299792458^th of a second.

Please ensure that standards are followed in future.

[Kahuna]

This was apparently provoked by Teddybert's references to it raining "cats and dogs" and inexplicably "caterpillars" as well.

^[1] Not to be confused with the Teddybear aka Darth Teddy. Professor Gordon was named Teddybert after the infamous inter-subcontinental stuffed toy delivery fiasco during his courting days. Full account available on request.

An Ode to Professor Gordon

Barrel Distortion Personified (Copyright © 2005 Darth Teddy)

An Ode to Waffles

A Fishy Situation (Copyright © 2005 Darth Teddy)

Vandoofus Competiton Reveals True Colours

JEDDAH, Saudi Arabia -- Amidst the superior photographic skills of Big Kahuna, Darth Teddy and new entrant the Real Kahuna, St. Vandoofus has expressed what can only be decribed as chicken shit (no offense to the chicken that crossed the road) allegations of foul play with regard to the competiton. Vandoofus appears to have got his knickers in such a twist that he has apparently resorted to arson, which could soon develop into self mutilation, or so we all hope.

In response to allegations, various analysis techniques carried out on the entries submitted by Big Kahuna and Darth Teddy have revealed them to be authentic works of art. While in answer to allegations of substance abuse it was discovered that DT's knowledge of substances were very limited, however further research revealed that Vandoofus was no stranger to said substance abuse and was in rehabilitation a short while ago. However the substances seemed to have had taken crippling side effect on him judging by his ears.

One of the investigators speaking to BNN after the results were released stated that, "Vandoofus appears to be up a shit creek without a paddle, because the only way he is gonna win this thing is if he is the sole entrant."

On that note we will sign off with a promise to bring you more as the story unfolds, and now for the weather with Ms Sizzling Hot...